saving the planet one bag at a time

i finally bought the grocery sacks at wallie world so that I can stop storing up empty plastic bags under my sink. I reuse them as trash bags because my trash can is that small. So now I just have to remember to bring the sacks in the store when I go shopping. I wonder if I go to a different store with the sacks, will I be shot on site.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, "now I'm going to go around preaching the word of saving fossil fuels and the benefits of driving electric." Not at all my friends. For I believe in the idea that as long as I am doing my part then the world is already a better place. You can do whatever you want, but I was once a Planeteer (I even had a ring). So you see my friends, I'm just fulfilling my childhood dreams. Yes the power is mine and I intend to use it for good and not evil.

sleepless in soonerville

being up for no reason definitely sucks. As if I don't have enough stress in my life now I can't do the one thing that cures my anxiety. Even worse is not being alone. Now jealously is playing into the many thoughts of how many hours am I missing in REM. I've got this burning in my stomach which tells me the things I am worrying about are valid concerns.

What am I to do?

It shouldn't be this hard.

transition

i went to church a couple of weeks ago. My mother would be so proud, but she is not because I don't go every week. This is my girlfriend's family church. The current pastor had been reassigned so it was his last sermon (a bit of a blessing for most people in attendance). He titled his last sermon: transition. At first I was ready to sit in church for another hour or so, playing my favorite childhood games of guess what that person is thinking or count how many tiles are on the ceiling or funny faces with kids; but then I started to relate with what the sermon was about.

The pastor was saying that during a time of transition everybody goes through a grieving period. People are grieving for the loss of something in their lives. Even though the change may be good, the sense of comfort is gone. Change brings different people that you're not used to and with that you lose what you were accustom to (good and bad).

I've held on to that idea because I'm going through many transitions right now. I'm starting a new position in sales coming from customer service. Now I will have to work based on commission and not salary. So I am now responsible for how much I make. That is scary because my attitude towards a job has always been based on the idea of, "they don't pay me enough for that," and now I have to face the fact that I pay myself.

I'm also going back to school. Sounds fun? Well then you pay for it. Its looking like I'll have no federal money. I will have to work full time and go to school in order to pay the massive loans I'm about to take out on top of the ones I owe for going to school the first time. All this to follow a dream I once had. I hope my dreams builds into a reality.

I'm renting my condo back in Georgia while I live in OKC. I just kicked my last tenant out and handed the keys over to property managers I've never met. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that this all goes smoothly.

So with all this change happening at once, I keep getting this pit in my stomach. Some say its gas. I say its a nervous reaction. This isn't the first time I've been nervous about something. I always know in the end that it is for my good in life and that I can step up to any challenge. But it is all still playing a jamboree on my nerves. I guess it just means I am grieving for my lost of comfort. But, what doesn't feel comfortable probably is a good thing (the other lesson I get from this moment).

Shout out to P. Best and Greater Cleaves Baptist Church.

movies and smoothies: Ninja Assassin

i was ready for it. I was ready for the slice 'em and dice 'em event of the time. The kung fu experience that was going to be intriguing and eye catching. It was the movie I have been trying to convince my girl to watch before it came out in the theaters. I pressed play as sliced the remote through the air and prepared to fulfill my fantasies as a super ninja.

*sigh*

First of all, I hate all kung fu flicks who have Asians speaking English. If I am to be immersed in my fantasy I want to speak a foreign language. I know that means subtitles and Americans are too lazy to read now a days, but c'mon! Keep it real. Then the cliches and inconsistencies started happening. The ninja falls in love. A ninja knows no love. A ninja is a warrior. His only love should be for the love of blood on his blade. And why is the ninja assassin fighting 50 other ninjas from the same tribe? Ninjas don't need other ninjas (only when there are multiple assassinations needed in one place).

This movie killed me to sleep. If they followed the rules, I could have been interested. Instead I got a nonsense plot, with nonsense ninja abilities, and a nonsense ending. They should have spent more time with actual assassinations then showing the training and poor character development.

RATING: redrum fruit punch and squeezed lime with a gingsu.

Kevin Hart has sealed the deal.

Seriously Funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81eZ6TFcQtg

I think with his last stand up Seriously Funny, Kevin Hart has taken his career to a new level. He has now made it to the hall of fame of stand up comedy. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. His jokes can make everybody laugh which is why he is going to start seeing more of that white people money (I hope Kevin got his trip back to Africa planned out).

Its great to see a comedian do so well in his craft. Its tough to see him not not do so well in movies and shows though. His last movie Something Like A Business, wasn't that good. I don't know what he was trying to do or where the movie was going. I guess its still hard out there for a pimp. When I saw that movie I thought oh well he had a few could stand ups. At least he was in my most favorite scene in 40 year Virgin and I'm pretty sure BET will continue to play Soul Plane (why, I don't know). But then I saw Seriously Funny and now I'm a Kevin Hart fan again. Good job Kev. Don't go down without a fight, brotha!

*oh, and for yall who thought I had the inside scoop on some major movie deal for Kevin, bless your heart.

Shout out to Ye.

Kanye West Live at Facebook HQ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exNOyZ220jg

Chain Heavy (Acapella)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CBpVW5Mm-k


Mama's Boyfriend (Acapulco)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Umjy314sQQ

Orignal post on OKAYPLAYER.

movies and smoothies: Favorite movie moments

ITS A LADDDDDY (c) Ladies' Man
In every movie there is always a moment when they introduce the lady of the movie. She seems to saunter into a room with theme music or is introduce to the male character and everything just stops. She is the most beautiful girl in the room. The girl who is going to change everything in the protagonist's story. When this moment happens I always say the famous line from Leon Phelps in The Ladies Man, "Its a laddddy."

MESSAGE!
The movies with a moral message always crack me up. Its usually blatantly obvious. Like the film makers are court ordered to present message to the kids in order to make the movie. I can't help but scream, "MESSAGE!" like in the Wayne's Bros. movie, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.

THAT TINGLING FEELING
I'm a sucker for loving and inspiring moments. Every time a movie gets me excited I get this tingling feeling. This usually happens during football movies when the team is all huddled up, doing there chant, getting ready to do damage on the field. Its heart felt. Emotions are strong. You can sense the high level of testosterone. And I feel a little gay for saying this.

THE AFTER EFFECT
After I see a good film; after I've been indulged in an emotional, intensifying experience; I walk out of the theatres (or get up from the couch) feeling like I'm still emerged in the plot. Its almost as if my life will be the sequel. If there were crazy car scenes, then I drive home as if I'm still being chased. If there were intricate fight scenes, I'm kicking the leaf off the branch in the parking lot like kung fu master. This doesn't work with love stories though or does it? I don't know. Ask my girl.

just something to say

i am the sheep of the anarchist that has strayed from the herd. Viva la revolution!

movies and smoothies: Surrogates

*sigh. Bruce Willis is getting old. And that hurts because he is really going to die hard. Well his career is anyways. Alright, same ol', same ol': the future is replaced by androids and humans have found another way to be lazy and fat while decreasing crime with big brother eyes. Wait a minute! Is this iRobot mixed with Minority Report and a splash of Grumpy Old Men (that's an old guy joke. Its all I had. I know. I'm ashamed too)? So Bruce Willis is so old they have to graphically enhance his face in order for people to withstand from purging at the sight of his decryption (dude is old, that's all I gotta say).

I guess my opinion of this movie is that it is pretty redundant. Nothing I hate more than an unoriginal plot line that tries to throw a great twist in the end. Because all I can imagine is that when the producers were pitching this idea they said, "Think, iRobot mix with Minority Report." And when everybody turned the idea down they thought, "That's okay we'll get Bruce Willis to star in it because he ain't doing nothing with his life. You seen Live Free or Die Hard right?" You can miss this one people, because I'm pretty sure you've seen it already.

RATING: an aged banana daiquiri because you'll need the alcohol to get through it

movies and smoothies: Breaking Bad

hold up! Stop the record! If you haven't witnessed the development of a very original, very insane, very funny at the life of desperate chemist, then you haven't seen Breaking Bad. I love this show because from the very first scene, I was hooked. I'll never forget the first episode: this old man in his underwear, holding a gun, in the middle of the street, in the desert, and police sirens approaching quickly. My first impression: what the hell?! I was intrigued and I still am with Season 3.

The beauty of this series is the destruction. You have a very smart chemist who never reached his potential in his career and is now a high school teacher. His son is handicapp. His wife, pregnant. The bills are mounting, his relationship with his family is crumbling, he is working at a carwash to make ends meet. On top of all that, the cream on this delapitated, dense cake is that he has cancer. Devastating right? So what does a man who has been trying to play with the cards has been delt and is down to his last chips? Hook up with a meth head and take over the drug market with the purist form of product ever seen in the desert. Duh?!

I feel funny rooting for the drug dealer in this show. My moral compass spins around uncontrollably when trying to decide if a desperate man decides to do wrong to protect his family, is he still a hero? Thank goodness I don't have to make that kind of decision. But with this show, I at least know how to handle myself in room full of drug dealing, murderous thugs.

RATING: The Heisenberg Special: blueberry crystal blast smoothie

movies and smoothies: Cloverfield

I have to tell you why this is one of my favorite movies of all time. I know when it came out there was a lot of people that got sick and hurled in the movie theaters because of the shaky camera use. This I think made people dislike this movie but it made it more real and entertaining. The reason I love this movie is because it's a story about love. Don't let the mysterious, destructive, gigantor fool you. Cloverfield is a love story.

*spoiler alert: if you haven't seen this movie yet, for shame. It is three years old. In the 21st century that is like 21 years old. You don't have to wait that long to either rent or bootleg. I don't condone renting. 'flix it*

Several times I've compared my love for my girlfriend with the adventure that took place for the main character of the movie. Would I drag my best friend across town during the destruction of a major city, walk through the damp and dark subways, climb the nearby tower buildings and jump into the apartment of my trapped girlfriend (who at the time, I was arguing with)? I love you sweetheart if you are reading this but... I'm just playing. What was the question?

The best surprise is in the dvd commentary. You know if I'm watching the commentary it was a good movie. There is a alternate ending that is even creepier and the explanation of your gigantic mysterious friend is precious. Almost cute.

RATING: a mango punch smoothie that will bite your head off

to all my viewers

feel free to leave comments now. I have opened the restrictions to any and everybody. Don't worry if you have nothing important to say. If you've read any of my post you will realize I don't either.

movies and smoothies: The Mist

Stephen King's T H E  M I S T. I love small towns. They are the best place to unleash hell and everybody will act accordingly to the predicted rules of the bible (which I'm pretty sure started out as scary stories to get kids to do well but somehow have become bedtime stories).

What is in the mist? Will I be damp in the mist? Will my girlfriend have to worry about her hair in the mist? All your questions will be answered when you watch this film.

It's really a film about the human behavior (which I so want to study. Sorry for the valley girl moment). The explanation of mankind is perfectly set inside a grocery store where everyone is safe during this apocalypse. There is plenty of food, medicine, and even air conditioning. But there is one problem: people. And what happens to people: they become mobs. And what is a mob? Well my friends, that is just mankind's defense mechanism to troubling times.

The Mist does not disappoint. I won't spoil what is in the mist, because I want you to enjoy that surprise. And the ending? Oh my, the ending. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

RATING: a peach and banana smoothie with misty frost.

movies and smoothies: the edukators

welcome to my movie critic segment. You all don't know this but I am a lover of the theatre (well not the real movie theater because that just costs an arm and a leg). I love netflix. I don't watch television anymore since they switched to digital and I missed out on the converter box, so all I do is watch movies from netflix on my xbox 360. And now that I've got this new blender, I'm making smoothies while I watch movies to beat these hot summer days. So movies and smoothies it is! I'll try not to spoil the whole plot for you.

Yesterday I gazed at the German film, The Edukators (now streaming on Netflix). Its a story about love, betrayal, and the capitalists pigs who do nothing but take advantage of those who are weak and how these pigs must be stopped. How you may ask? Isn't it obvious: break into there million dollar homes and rearrange their furniture of course. What? You didn't read the manual on the modern little revolutionist?

This film is a sleeper and I don't mean many have missed out on the great originality of the story. I fell asleep before the end. The plot of this story did not need to be dragged out of 298 minutes. I guess there aren't any deleted scenes in the dvd extras because they decided to extend every message and moral of the story. After I awoke from my slumber and my second finished smoothie, I realized I had no interest in seeing the end of this hippie film and turned it off. So folks you can miss this one.

RATING: a strawberry banana smoothie spiked with nyquil. Nighty night.

earth shattering

You're 25 and it hits you: you're not a little boy no more. Naw, you gots responsibilities and bills. People are looking to you and they don't want to be disappointed. Up until now the road was easy. Now there is an unbeaten path through what seems to be a dangerous jungle. You look around and there is no guide. Your compass is spinning wildly in every direction. You take your first step and something bites you in the leg. You take the next step and you trip on a pebble. I know what you're thinking: don't take that next step!
Look up young one. And keep looking up. Don't worry about the ground. Your steps are ordered.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

jumping for joy

I'm not an excitable person. Meaning when something good happens to me I don't start jumping around all excited and happy. Actually, let me clarify: it takes a lot for me to be excited with joy. The little accomplishments in life don't change much for me. I still have to pay bills. I still have to watch what I eat. I still have to do the speed limit at the end of every month.

I only show great joy when there is great achievement; life changing achievement. Like when I won a computer from the NAACP ACT-SO program or when I got job or when the Celtics won the ship. You see I can brag about those things. Everything else is just part of the job or part of life. They are accomplishments sure, but if I award myself every time I did the job I was supposed to do then I would have nothing to look forward to.

So just accept the smile people. Because that is all that it is worth.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Free Your Mind Part2

watching green grass grow

peaking over the splinters
Staring at the growth glisten in the rays.
They stand tall together
Making their unity seem everlasting.
The jealousy pains my toes.
I balance with one leg on top of the garbage lid
Its strength gives out and I fall back down to earth.
the ground feels beaten into a hard concrete
As I lean against the fence I look out to my lawn.
I sit at the end of the dirt path
I can't help but walk over and look every morning
Its such a good grass
Their dew rests gently on top of the blades
My dew seems to make muddy puddles
What's happening over this barrier that isn't happening here?
I grab my tools and crawl to the hole in the dirt
I reach into my pocket and pull out a handful of seeds
If winter comes too early this will all be in vane
Still, I've seen the possibilities
Next spring, I want to sit on my porch and watch the eyes look over the splinters
I'll cover these seeds with my bare hands
Let the sweat drip off my chin and be the first to water the earth
I pray these grounds will grow to luscious green grass.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

stress reliever

cleavage is a beautiful thing. I know I'm not suppose to talk about it. Its in appropriate and perverse to mention to a woman that her physical attribute is the only thing I want to share an emotional attachment to but I can't help it. In this struggling world the smallest joy in life is being able to see some cleavage from time to time. Its a stress reliever. It reminds you that its all worth it. That one day (if not tonight)I will have an opportunity to get up close an personal with a great pair.

And that my friends is the GREATEST joy in life.

You do the math.
5318008
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

stunned and confused

when a boxer gets stunned on Fight Night Round 4 his stance becomes weak. His hands drop to his waist and he struggles to stay on his feet. Eventually his opponent will try to knock him out with one blow.

I can relate.

Not because I've ever been in fight before but because, my life hasn't turned out to be exactly how I planned. So I'm left stunned. I've realized that many people go through this feeling of weak knees and the inability to know what is coming next.

I had this epiphany when watching a talk show about off line dating. Isn't that just regular dating? How did we get to the point where we need to talk about dating that doesn't require a monthly subscription? My answer is that we are all stumbling to get back to a place where we are in control and satisfied with our progress.

I think being stunned leaves us to do desperate things. Instead of trying to regroup and block the upcoming blows, we swing aimlessly and eventually meet the canvas. Please people, don't assume you have to try everything to get you out of your situation. Just step back, realize what you did wrong, focus on the goal, and try again. If that doesn't work, hug it out.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

a terrible week for the chef

monday, survived my first tornado scare. These folks in okc think this is normal life. I don't know anywhere else where I have to stop what I'm doing and duck for cover in a ditch.

Tuesday, I broke my back helping a friend move that took all day (from 8 to 6 PM). I've discovered a new rule with that: you get 4 hrs free. $10 per hour afterward and I'm bringing my car as an escape plan. My back still hurts.

Wednesday, you know black people always late. That's why when you get invited to a dinner party, go ahead and eat in advance. Because you might end up starving to death waiting for a meal that was planned for 8PM be served at 11PM.

Today. I'm broke. What more can I say?(c) Jay-Z. I'm looking at selling some furniture at this point. no joke. I'm wiping my old computer hard drive as you read so I can sell it. I just need to cover the bills for the end of the month. But then what about next month? I heard of a website where you can do volunteer work and get your loans paid back: its sponsorchange.org
Hopefully after my back heals I can make a change.

ON DA GOOD FOOT! My girl is gaduating OU Law this Saturday. I'm so proud of her. Congrats sweet baby!

Anywho. Back to work. Signing out. Flossymae.

WHAT MORE CAN I SAAAAYYYY!
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do white people have jobs?

i swear every movie I see it seems like Caucasian Americans (from here on out they will be referred to as white people; its the most PC I got), have nothing else to do but get in suspenseful trouble or take road trips across America or sit in coffee shops talking bullspit. I seriously want to know if white people go to work. I mean I see white people at work everyday but I just think they are the unfortunate ones. How come there aren't any movies about the unfortunate ones?

If I watch a black movie (I'm sorry African-American), no forget that, BLACK movies are about going to work or selling drugs. White folk movies just seem to be about sitting around in a world where there are no bills, no high gas prices, no credit card limit. And I'm not just talking about mainstream, big studio movies (but they are included). I'm watching a lot of independent movies and documentaries that just seem to portray white people with no job. What the hell?!






Maybe its just their days off?

Top down

Do people get dressed in a certain direction? certain people seem to have a great fascination for sneakers and shoes but then they wear plain white tees or shirts that look like they got for just attending a gathering. While others have every baseball cap to match their shirts but have some plain jeans and sneakers.

I know I dress top down. I'm not that impressed by shoes. When I look at someone I notice there face and upper body before their feet. Sure of you got a nice pair of jordans on you deserve a compliment but no matter what you are walking in you can't beat the look of a nice smile.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

mr. money

the other day at work, a woman introduced herself and when asked if she had a husband or boyfriend she said, "I'm married to my money, so money is my husband."

hmm.

lately I've been on this kick to 180 my life: change my thoughts on my diet, drinking, weight, money, stress; my success in life. And unlike before, I'm willing to take this gradually. I've started exercising and instead of forcing my self to run (i love the accomplishment of running, but I'm never excited to get up and do it) I'm walking for 40 minutes. Instead of getting on quick fix diet, I'm watching my portions and cutting back on calories. I've stopped drinking (let me give you a moment for that,
I'll wait)...

i've also tasted what this success in my life will bring and that is the biggest difference. I want to be married to money too. Hopefully my coworker won't mind a little office affair. I think I'm done with the idea that I can be happy without money. Its sad in a way. It is as if I've lost my youth. I will no longer consider myself broke from now on. Instead I'm running the rat race harder until the wheel falls off.

kick it list

Write a novel
Sky dive
Ballon ride
Hang glide
Rap on stage
Make a song
Sing in a choir
Fall in love
Go cross country
Be in a bicycle gang
Coach a football team
Create a legacy
Design and build a home
Order a royale with cheese
Make a movie
Dunk a playground hoop
Get a natural high
Win a poker tournament

What's yours?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

hanging 10 on the web

i've recently cut off my cable and home telephone service in order to save some money (*correction: in order to have money to pay these bills). Now I am only armed with THE AMAZING INTERNET!

Not only is the internet ironic, its the biggest time waister of the day. Its funny when people say that the internet builds so much community when 98% of time people don't actually meet. And does anyone get any real work done while on the net? Sure I'll pay a bill here or there but then its straight to blogs and forums for news and irrelevant theories about life.

When did the internet become a necessary evil? Can't I go back to answering machines and meeting people at the local pub?

me and my tummy

I have the worst relationship with my belly. You see I've cultivated the perfect watermelon shaped carrier of bloated indulgence. I have a pot belly and I hate it.

my anger is not because of social appearance or acceptance but because it causes me physical pain. when I sit down my belt applies pressure to my stomach. This forces me to burp a lot. How disgusting. I also get uncomfortable pimples in that area that sting like hell.

I'm tired of my belly slowing me down. I need some help getting back to washboard abs and a small appetite. Can some one help?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

moving on

so I guess I don't have time to write anymore. Its a shame. I've had a lot of interesting thoughts and ideas lately but I since I work 14 hours a day, I can't seem to remember what they are. But here is an update of how life has been.

1. I brought the lovely lady home to the folks. It was a big deal. How do I know? Because moms brought out the appetizers, the good china, and dessert. These three things I don't think I've seen brought out in my house more than 3 or 4 times in my life. It was interesting, nerve racking, and shocking all at once. The most important thing that I've learned from the experience is that I don't consider home to be home anymore. I had a strange feeling when I was there and half the time I wished I was back in the Okie Doke. When I made it back to okc everything seemed so familiar. I guess I'm moving on. Meanwhile there are some folks back east that feel that I abandoned them. I have no idea how to deal with that.

2. The trip back home made me think I need therapy. Like most people, the thought that you need therapy is scary because you get put in this special category of crazy. Now I know I'm already a bit crazy, but its in a normal weird way. To be clinically categorized as crazy is one step away from being a hobo on the street. The most messed up part about it is, the people that I feel care about me the most think I need therapy. Great. I might as well start making my sign of cardboard and homelessness. But guess what... fu_k 'em! I over everything that plagues me about my childhood and current relationship with family. I got things to do in order to make it and I will not let them take up my time.

3. Business is booming. I've tripled my clientele since last quarter. Really I went from one to three clients but its progress. And I have an event to market at in the end of April. I'm even more nervous but this time in a good way. This is really pushing me to complete a lot of things and not be so picky about how I design and the decisions I make. I've wasted a lot of time trying to prepare but now its game time. So its ready or not.

4. I'm ready to sell my first home but all I keep hearing is the economy is so bad. Yeah I know the economy is bad but I can't handle this mess that is in Atlanta anymore. Plus life is getting good in OK that I'm ready to move on and cut my ties with the dirty dirty. I know I got a lot of competition with foreclosed homes and HUD house that are selling like hot cakes but I'm hoping there is someone looking to begin the American dream and own a proper home at a decent price. I can't imagine that everyone is only willing to buy broken down homes in Atlanta.

That's all I can think of right now. The rest is mostly the same: bills, work, bills, broke, a girl that makes me smile. There's not much more than that.

Its happening again

I'm playing boss. My manager has decided to let me fill in for my assistant manager whenever he is out. I've gone from sitting in my little cubicle and doing my thing to get through the day to answering everybodys questions and pretending to be social.
She picks me because I'm the best on the team and I expressed that one day I want to be a manager. So that sounds good right? Wrong! I've been down this road before. They let you play boss and as soon as you mess up your bossly duties you're out of there. Plus they don't pay you any more for playing boss so they do their best to keep you in the same spot. Meanwhile all your other coworkers come to you non stop with question you shouldn't be handling.
So what should I do now? I don't want the same mess to happen like last time.
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And why not?

The Bible. A living document. Why not include recent history? Is not Martin Luther The King Jr worthy of a mention in the great book? Is not Ghandi an inspirational story to be share with millions? Are including any of their stories go against the religions that use the bible?

I wonder what is stopping this from happening? I'm sure I'm not to think of it. Is it racial? Is it sacrilegious?

I think one issue may be that this would begin to form an idea of a world bible. And that is just impossible. With all the hatred and arrogance AND ignorance, all the religious factions will never be able to come together and include everyone's take on spirituality. Why can't we all just get along?
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Suckers need to gonna inspire

MOTIVATION. Now you know I don't like to start my blogs with all caps but this is sort of a reminder. I need some motivation. I need to go back to place, th feeling I had when I was in high school creating my model that won third place in the nationals. Yeah that's deep.
Lately I've felt a sense of stagnant inability. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I'm more scared of doing something wrong so I don't do anything at all. Which is stupid.
This is a journey of the mind. And I'm on the breakdown lane. SOS.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

oh my its 2010!

its the new year already. My bad, I've forgotten about letting ya'll know what's going on. So here is the wrap up of 2009: I got fired from my job, I accepted who I am, I fell in love, I traveled, I moved, I got a j.o.b., and I fell deeply in love.

All in all it was a weird year. Very weird. Very new. Taking risks that I wasn't expecting but everything is turning alright (well not everything but when is it ever everything). The best moments in '09 involved substances of the natural matter. The scariest moments involved the same substances. The best vacation was in NC chilling with a life time friend for a week (it gave me the strength to make moves I needed to make). The best party was back home with my friend who finally graduated from college. He ended up in his pool in the backyard and that is when the party shut down. Good times. Biggest regret was taking my brother to court. Greatest accomplishment was starting the ground work for a business idea.

I think this year will be interesting again. I'm still going to make changes in my life. I'm trying not to stress about it. I'm starting to boil down what career I can do. It may not be what I want to do but that is why side hustles are for. I need to sell my condo, buy a new car, move out of my apartment, and purchase the most expensive gift of my life. I feel like that is a lot. I figure I just work on one thing at a time. Take it step by step. Day by day.

the best relationship advice

i've been slowly trying to figure out what this relationship thing is supposed to be about. I feel a lot of times that I am compromising for the other person because I'm in loving and I'm willing to do anything to stay that way. But after this advice I read of okayplayer.com, I think I've been in the wrong.

Here's the advice: (link)

"If your his girl friend.......be his girlfriend.....STOP being a wife to a man that aint married you...."

You see at sometimes I feel my girl is holding back on things like cooking, being there when I get home from work, buying me stuff, etc. But after this advice, I understand now. She says all the time that she knows if we were to get married she'd be doing those things all the time but I didn't want to believe her. Now I'm assuming she's taking this theory to heart, which makes a lot of sense. I feel stupid for not recognizing it. I should be doing the same thing. I am not her husband, therefore I should not have to worry about so many things like her bills, her car, etc.

So a new question arises. What's my purpose as a boyfriend?

I think I have an idea.

For cheat's sake

who should let go of the dream first ? Men or women ? I'm speaking of the dream that there is a relationship that does not have to worry about cheating. I, of course think that its a woman's dream. Believing that any man doesn't at least think about sticking his Johnson in another Mary Sue is foolish. But on the same note, no man should be surprised that women are involved in extra hanky Panky yet we usually are.
So my question again is why do we continue to believe in the idea that cheating shouldn't happen? Are we wrapped around our egos so much that we believe no one should want anyone else? Or is there a fear that if we accept cheating as a natural human behavior we will become a society full of unfathered babies.
BUT WE ALREADY ARE!
We need to stop focusing on the cheating aspect and we need to start teaching people what sex is all about. Pleasure. And massive reproduction.
So next time you get into a relationship just assume your mate is cheating. Matter of fact: pick out the girl he should cheat with. See if has the balls to do it. You might be surprised that he won't ever cheat on you.

Naw! I'm playing. Keep dreaming folks.
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every once in awhile I get to wondering what is this really all about. Then I smack myself awake and hold onto the wheel because I'm driving on the highway and I'm pretty sure the driver next to me doesn't want to exchange insurance papers today. He's probably on the way to his mistress house and would have a hard time explaining to his wife why he was on the north side of town in an accident. Anyways, as I change lanes to an empty spot in front of the stop light only to be first to speed closer to a job I dread, I see the hundred or so birds perched on street lights and telephone polls. Its like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock. They all seem to be devising a plan, a grand plan to lay down a wall of bird poop as the first set of cars drive under them. The only problem is that birds are dumb as f_ck! They can't count so they can never set a time to release the sh!t storm. If this life was really about something, something worth wild, then all of our stories should come true. The aliens should rip through time and space while the earth quakes and opens a deep hole to hell as tsunami waves come crashing down upon it; releasing a fog that seeps into our lungs and turns many to zombies then blocks out the sun and causes an ice age of mass proportions. All of this in just one day. And then there would only be a few of us, survivors; if you want to call us that. We aren't just trying to survive. We're saving the world.

But that's only if this life means anything. Right now, it's just about getting out of this beaten down car I have to hold on to and walk into this dark and bleak building to do a job. A job that was only created for me to obtain more bills and work overtime to get paid a few more cents so that I can pay bills that never seem to end. Its a cycle of bullsh!t

Thank God I'm a writer.

da ghetto pass aka the black card

i've been intrigued lately with down to the bones white people who get a ghetto pass. You know who I'm talking about. If we were boarding a ship back to Africa to save our black asses from some impending doom, people like Robin Thicke and Bill Clinton would get a pass to the front and leave Maya Angelou behind. What's the qualifications for this pass?

I think this is a serious discussion that needs to be had at our next black forum. We have to have standards here so that we don't get confused and have another vanilla ice on our hands. And for those of you who think that this is all racist and that we should embrace everyone, I call bullspit. Because the majority of black people I know (and I don't just mean the dudes back home) only like black culture; there's no rock 'n roll in their playlists. All I'm saying lets come to a decision to how we accept people of the opposite color in the general black public before we make a big mistake.


PS. I want to see a movie about racism now. What if there was no Emancipation? What if we were still fighting for Civil Rights? How would that look now with all this technology and economical decline? What other laws would be in place? Could there be possibly another Civil War?

I think it would make for an interesting movie? Let's try something different.

make money doing nothing

is just saw this ad on my own blog page and that is exactly the career I want. And I'm not too far from it. I have three book ideas in the works that I know if I can just finish them, I'll be able to one day sit around and collect checks from a best seller.

See I don't want to enjoy doing work so it seem like I'm not working at all. I want to not work at all and enjoy it. There are plenty of people in my life that may read this and be disappointed. Some may say I have too much potential and I'm wasting my career opportunities. I understand all that and there is no excuse. Just pray that I can complete these novels and then my dreams will come true.

on my time

lately I've been venturing into this business idea that involves me doing a lot of work that I enjoy. The only problem is that when I talk to other people and I mention how slow I want to move, they take the joy out. Honestly, I don't "love" to make money (I'd love to have it, but making money just reminds me of paying bills). So when people are pushing me to get a million clients by tomorrow, quit my job, and open a factory, I feel like they are sucking all of the fun out of my dream job.

I know at some point you have to work hard for what you want, but then at the same time I'm supposed to enjoy what I do. I don't enjoy working hard. Let me correct that, I don't enjoy working hard to get paid. I know, what an oxymoron. But if you've ever worked on a hot summer day in the yard of your parents' house just because they needed some help then you'll understand why I hate working hard for money. When you are working because you love your parents, the reward is the love from your parents. You have to agree that is more valuable than money. When you work hard for money, you never feel like you are getting paid enough. It becomes a game of greed vs. cheap.

I explain this because in my business venture, I've decided not to pressure myself with other folks ideas of trying to make a million dollars by the end of next year. I know I will continue this venture because its all beginning to make sense and I feel a close attachment to it. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a lot of money from this business one day but if I only make $200 by the end of this year I don't believe I will have failed. You must account for my involvement in the timeless beginnings of love.

Only one

Because of a very good blog http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/1984-and-more-how-important-is-spreading-the-right-seeds/ I have decided today to have just one child. I figure since these little hoodrats are covering the earth with "no chance" kids, I'm going to do my part and have just one kid.
That's right just one. One little monster to make mistakes. One little genius to make me rich. One little brat to spoil with love.
I think its time we start following all of China's rules. More schooling. Two babies max per couple.
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Rush Limbaugh has rights

I never do recent political drama but I'm all amped in NFL news because of fantasy football (its my first year).
Rush Limbaugh got money. He wants to buy ownership of a football team. Wait a minute he's an outspoken racist so he can't right? Wrong!
He has every right to. To assume that there aren't any racists owning a large group of black people in america is ridiculous. The only difference is that they don't get paid for talking in a racist manner. But I'm sure they do far more racist things. How long did it take before a black coach was allowed?
Accepting that there are racists in this great land is a hard pill to swallow because we don't know what that will mean. I think most people would fear that slavery will come back. But as much as we accept black people to hate all whites, we should start to realize white people don't like black people either.
And this why President Barack deserves the Nobel. Only he can help this nation solve its issues.

*wow. Two political topics. This is insane. I guess I'm becoming just like my father.
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The content of my character not the content of my jeans

I had a special moment this morning. A revelation if you will. I've heard the saying don't judge people because only God can judge, so many times as a scapegoat for flaws in ones life. I've always been against that. I invite people to tell me what they think. Its absurd to think that I don't care what they are thinking. If I didn't care I would go to work in boxer briefs everyday (they comfortable).
What people shouldn't judge is what I have. We all can't afford they same things. That doesn't mean you're better than me because I decided to eat for a week rather than get the latest pair of Jordan's. That's unfair. Judge me for the decision I made to stay alive. So the next time I show up to work in nothing but my superman boxers, don't judge the color of my shorts. Judge the decision not to include the cape.
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frozen chest hairs

i'm sick... again. How sad is this? I usually get sick two or three times a year. And when I do I get over it with out any pills or going to the doctors. In the past 3 weeks I've gotten sick twice. Now I'm taking allergy pills when I have the flu because I'm too stubborn to go and get the right stuff.

I hate being sick. Its like your whole body is losing in a bacteria war. My mother keeps telling me to go to the hospital and get medication. She's really just scared that I will die from h1n1 because she got it and she keeps a tab on how many people have died this year from this strand. Its going to take a whole lot more than some media hyped disease to get me.

Its my fault I'm sick a second time. Winter is coming and I decide to sleep bare chested with just a bed sheet. So naturally it gets colder early in the morning than in the day and night. So as soon as I woke up I could feel it in the back of my throat.

Oh well. No matter what, I'm back to work tommorrow.

Greatest love story ever told

Last night on NBC the ending and the beginning of a great (if not the greatest) love story ever told. Jim and Pam from the hit show The Office had their wedding.
This relationship is close to my heart because of the trial they had to go through. Both Jim and Pam were in love with each other from the start. You could always see it in Pam's eyes that if she wasn't engaged with the wrong guy, Jim was her soul mate.
Now some say Jim should have been more of a man and claimed Pam from jump street. I believe this is the worst idea. Every man knows that if you steal a woman from another man, she will more than likely leave you later for the next guy. Plus out of respect for man law you don't break up another mans love. Now, in the words of R. Kelly , "don't get mad if your chick decide to leave with me... Quit running around here bitchin and tighten up your game."

I guess I'm more in love with the whole relationship because its the same way I would have handled it. I don't think he knew he was going to marry her before they got together (so that cheesy line was a little far fetched) but when they combined, I think he realized it.
But really this post is to correct a statement I read on another blog that Jim was a bitchass. Well i'll be damn! I didn't know being a gentlemen was a bitchass move these days. Listen. Love goes through a journey. Real love does. All the other stuff just isn't real. It just ends up in divorce or an equal hatred for one another. So learn people. Learn from the great stories of our times. And this is one of them.
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Constant flow

My constant state of mind is in a constant state of rhyme
So when rap a line I'm in a constant state in time

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who am I?

new job. New people. New sh!t to deal with.

So I've been staying pretty quiet in training until yesterday when I decided to have a fun and crack jokes during a game of "who am I?": basically an ice breaker game. Everybody was so surprised that I was cracking jokes and having fun. I know who I am: the fun loving nerd who takes over a room when necessary.

Now everybody thinks I'm some kind of comedian when really I just like to have fun when it is allowed. I won't disrupt the class for my amusement. I'm not really looking for new friends. I don't care if I'm by myself. I feel like I've figured out the kind of people I want around me. I choose not to talk to the rest, yet they think I'm just too quiet.

I like being quiet. It gives me a chance to understand people. That way I know how to deal with you in the future; whether or not I should waist my time with you. So they can think I'm shy, but really I'm just an efficient socialist.

Annihilation

I'm not scared to admit it. I suck at Madden Football. I can't score because of interceptions and I can't tackle. But something in me won't quit. See I can't play for fun. Everything is a competition. Every game is a test of my manhood. If I don't win what will I tell my kids in the future?
I know I should just reduce the difficulty level and work my way up but I'm too stubborn to submit. What I've learned from the mistake on the virtual field is that I don't make good split second decisions. This is good to know because I try to stay away from impulse decisions in real life.
See me in an action adventure and i'll terrorize you.
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The bigger the better?

So my place of employment is filled with overweight people. I'm not using the term overweight in its recent definition for american society as a whole but in the meaning of 300+ lbs, need two seats to sit, and have a hard time deciding how to fit through tight spaces. This scares me.

I'm not scare that if we ever get trapped in the building these people would begin to look at me as a side on their dinner plate. I'm scared because I wonder if it is the job that is making them this fat or is this job more likely to hire them with these conditions. Either way I'm screwed. Seeing this many obese people might make me find it comfortable and accepting to have a second helping of twinkies.

I know I'm being pretty rude. Given the choice I know these people would choose an easier life but because of emotions and low metabolisms they suffer. But I just can't shake the feeling that I now must study them. I think I'm supposed to learn something from them.

I'll try to let you know what I discover.
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America the great

I'm riding on the freeway this morning. I'm on my way to work. I pull up behind a Ford Chevelot that has three Mexicans in the bed of the truck. I decide to ride behind them for a mile or two as I watch two of them sleep and one of them sitting high above the truck just looking around.

All I can think of is that, "we all have to go to work. " then I start to wonder how life must be different for them here : more job opportunities, not having to learn english to get by, not enough clubs catered to them. But we all got to work to survive. They don't like waking up so early for their job just as much as me. So why are people so angry at them being here?
I decide to end tailgating the Mexican trolley and roll past the drivers side. I expected to see same hick town, redneck driving whom I would judge immediately for hating on illegals when he has a bunch of them in the back.

But no.

Its a bigger Mexican. And on the side of the truck, in red, white, and blue the logo reads: American Services.

I almost crashed from laughing so hard. Oh the irony.
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Trust me it aint easy

Trust is a terrible thing to lose. Especially when you in love or you've loved a person for so long that you don't expect to lose it (like family). Unfortunately I've lost trust in a lot of people in these last years. Some folks just aren't proving to be the person you thought they were or they said they word.

And its okay if you change your mind about a belief or behavior but if I depended on you in the beginning to do something and you change that then I can't trust you to do that thing anymore.
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its all good

so I guess I need to speak on what I've actually been doing this month. I haven't said nothing about my new tenant, my road trip to OKC, my birthday, my girlfriend, my new job, and the changing dynamic with my parents (that's a whole lot. I'm pretty sure I won't get to all of it).

New Guy
Thankfully, I found a new tenant for my GA home before I left. He seemed like a cool dude and would fit into the dynamic of the house. He met everyone else and he just seemed to fit. I don't know how else to put it. I was surprise to get anyone to take my room. At first I just felt, well this whole move might just work.

Day of the move
The plan was: stay up all night the night before, get to the uhaul early in the morning, pack, sleep in the afternoon, leave by midnight. What happened was: its raining cats, dogs, tigers, bears, monkeys (not a good way to pack all your furniture); try to wait out the rain while sleeping in my car at the uhaul for a couple of hours but the rain wouldn't let up; packed in the rain; slept for three hours; couldn't go back to sleep; prayed my heart out before I left; hit the road at midnight.

Road Trip!
I thought I could handle it. I did ten hours before to Miami. It couldn't be bad, right? I lost my youth. What was supposed to be a thirteen hour became a fifteen hour trip. No man should drink the amount of Red Bull as I did. I ended up stopping to pee more than getting gas. My car went through so many bumps that the car alarm sounded with ever bump. Now I swear it goes off randomly. I've never been on one road for so long (six hours). I thought I would die. But I made it. I unpacked (barely). And we here.

My Boo.
She black, people, okay?! I know she from Oklahoma and its the Midwest and its the red state of all red states, but I got me a strong black, beautiful woman. That's all you need to know.

Jay Oh Bee (c) Friday
I arrived in OK Saturday, interviewed on Monday through Thursday, drug tested Friday, got a job on Wednesday. Start on Monday. That wasn't hard right? Right. And I'm offered more money than my last job (this just might work).

My Birthday
I had fun. It was sad at first because I was thinking, damn I'm old. But then after spending time with my lady I noticed I'm young at heart (I'm probably the only one keeping us young). By the end of the day, I was pretty happy.

I am your Father!
What does that mean when I'm twenty-six? I'm starting to make decision on my own but I never forget to ask my parents about their opinion. Now they are starting to pretend as if they have no say in what I do. As if I don't need their help. Then after I'm ready to move forward with my choices, they decide to tell me they disapprove. Too late buddy. You had your chance. I just don't understand this transition phase. How long will it last? Will they assume I'm trying to be disrespectful when I don't agree with their ideas? What's the best retirement home in their location (oh I'm just joking. Do you believe me)? All I know is that they are changing. And they sure as hell didn't warn me about it.

So that is. what is. goingz on. I'm in search of a lot of answers now about religion, God, life, Life After Death (how come Biggie knew "your nobody till somebody kill you). We'll see what goes on from here. Until then, peace and hair grease.

everyone has a story

why don't we all write books? Its funny because I used to think I was boring and interesting. Sure I can tell a joke and have a laugh but I didn't pretend to have these amazing stories to tell. I do.

Lately all I do is tell stories. "Like this one time..." or "That reminds me of this story." and "One time, at band camp..." (no that's not true). I find myself talking like this my girlfriend everyday. This makes me wonder: I should be a writer. Maybe its a missed passion of mine. I hope that I do finish my novel ideas and get at least one published. I wouldn't mine slave a nine to five if I get to publish one book. Then I get to say, "I am a novelist," and not a call-center-customer-service-specialist.

I can't lie though, I want it for the passion, fame, and fortune. That's right. I don't want to starve for this form of art. I want to get paid. Someone should hear what I have to say and they should pay me for it. Then they should go see it at the movies and pay me beaucoup bucks for it. Cha-Ching.

Hey people. Try to write something this month. You might just be the next great American Novelist.

lets not talk about it

there are certain people who deserve to be avoided. You can't love everybody in this world (because that would just lead to a huge awkward orgy at which point it would become hard to look anybody in the eye). Not every personality fits together and this is why we need to know how to properly avoid people. I have developed a wonderful system for avoiding the annoying.

Here goes...

Step 1: Pie in the Sky
The primary source of human interaction is eye contact. If you've ever walked into a hallway and found yourself making incidental eye contact with the co-worker who can't stop talking the cats that inhabit her safari like home, quickly avoid this person by redirecting your eyes to something on the ceiling or wall. "Oh look a black widowed spider holding a martini."

Step 2: Here boy. Fetch!
Most times a persistent fat bastard won't easily be fooled by a redirecting eye and you will have to interact in some form. This is when you use the misdirection technique. "Oh hey Bob. I heard they're handing out free doughnuts in the park. Hurry quickly before the police decide to shut it down confiscate them." Your tubby friend will more than likely be too distracted by the idea of fresh pastry goods to annoy with his great adventures of chicken pot pies and earning the highest level on World of Warcraft with the expansion package.

Step 3: Do the Heisman on the...
The greatest action to avoid interaction is a reaction. There are several ways to use this step. Some more violent than others. The more simple action is the side step. Begin by heading straight toward the prick with a blank stare on your face and as soon as you get close, step to the side, and continue on your path in one motion. Now a more effective form of this step is to extend your arm toward the guys face making sure the palm of your hand makes contact with his cheek bone. A good performance is when you hear a slapping noise. Disclaimer: the more violent you get with this step the more you want to make sure you deliver a good knock out.

These are three simple steps but there are many more.

you make me earl.

I just went back to the disappointing facebk and I almost earled. I guess before I left I decided to join several groups that have now spammed the hell out of my inbox. I'm getting poked by random broads I have no idea who they are. And I realized why I don't want to see pictures of people I hardly talk to, people I never knew yet they are in my friends list, and the up to date status of every hour, minute, second of someones life. I hate you facebk. You are the definition of sell out in the new millennium.

How the hell did I get an email about a poke when I know I turned all my email notifications off? Facebk is like the pestering guy down the street who just don't take no, a beat down, and an attempt to run him over; serious.

Gimme a cane, red suspenders, and a pocket full of change

A sign that I'm getting old is when I have a plumbing problem and I have to call some to fix it. No I'm not talking about digestive plumbing. I got a kitchen sink that just stopped sinking.

Usually I get my grown man on and just get on my knees to go at it for 4 hours but this time I'm too tired. Now there's two guys in my home jamming a snake down a tube virgorously and loudly. While watching them sweat and trying to avoid the glance of plumbers butt , I just can't imagine doing it myself anymore.

Good luck to them. Sounds like an impossible task. I hope they have some good solution to pour. Mean while I gotta pee and I'm wondering if I flush will that spray them in the face? (might be my only chance to piss in a white guys face. You know you've thought about it).
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You gonna take a left. Then you gonna take another left. Then you gonna take one more left to get back here and ask me again.

I have a terrible sense of direction. Its inherited. I remember many a road trips with my father getting lost with written directions in hand. When I first moved to atl I drove with one knee because my hands were holding a map against the windshield.

I wish there were up to date maps with key markers like "you gonna pass three mickey dees. The last one gonna be selling the McRib for a limited time. Stop in and get you one, then go out the back way and take a left. " I know gps has solved all our problems but I've yet to remember to set my trip in advance. So only after I have been in circles three times do I stop and punch in the right route. And now I can't stop at a gas station because the first thing they say is "que? Non gps?"

And what happens when my battery runs out? I'm trying to guess how long I have left before I'm back to the stone age and trying to find the big dipper.

How do you directional inclined people do it? Are yall just cheating with a compass written on the back of your hand? Am I just not paying attention? Talk to me. And if you have time I'm on the side of the road so come pick me up.
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I'm exhausted.

I'm in the process of cleaning and rearranging my parents house. I'm visiting home for a week and everybody is working so I have nothing to do. Why did I decide to tell my parents I would paint multiple rooms, clean multiple yards and change a carpet? Part of me feels I'm obligated to do this because I haven't been good at coming back home and staying with my parents.

But I need a break. I feel like a slave on the first day of cotton picking. Just on some oh hell naw!

I discovered something else about me. I don't like to complete things I do and I get it from my pops. There so many projects he has started in this house and never quite finished. If its a paint job the trim is unfinished. If its a game room a wall is incomplete.

I think I decided to help around the house to teach me something. First to finish the mess my father left and to complete every project I start. So I can't stop now. There's something to learn here. Its all in the details.
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Life is not in love

A very important lyricists of this time has commented on the universal rule of life. "a woman's life is love; a man's love is life" (c) phonte of little brother. Every society has bread their women to love a man and life will be fulfilling. Men are raised to seize life by the balls and demand success. Many men fail at life but every woman is still expected to find a man to love. These rules seemed to work until women decided they wanted to feel the balls of life as well. This has upset the balance of the universe. For you see, no one is holding the heart of life.
Now life no longer feels love; only his balls our being juggled between men and women. Since women are aiming to make more money and have more power, men that fail at success have nothing left to do after letting go of life's bowling balls. Men do not know how to care for a heart. Sure there are doctors that know the mechanics but to keep the warmth of love flowing through the body of life is incomprehensible.
Women you must return to caring for the heart. You may not think it is important because your work is not hard or flashy. Love comes natural to you. Men look to you for the definition of love. You are the best at keeping life's heart flowing with love. You must not step out of your role or I fear life will immaturely ejaculate its seeds of knowledge and our society will become too weak to move and fall asleep in a wet spot of crushed dreams.
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Behaviors of the ruling and trapped

Take a step back and analyze the behaviors of man. I think you'll discover that most relationships are of a prisoner and guard. If you've ever heard of the experiment of the prisoner and the guard then you should know where I'm going with this. There is a ruling class in every society. This class uses tools to keep the rest in a prisoner mind state. These tools follow simple procedures that manipulate the mind: humiliation, religion, and repetition.
Do we not set certain goals only because its tradition? Are we not afraid of our appearance in society so we do what ever we can to keep up with the jones? Doesn't religion force you to follow laws that go against your desires and emotions?
The animal is a behavioral being; living according to instincts and basic survival needs. Why as humans have we strayed from this type of life? Wouldn't life be simple? Wouldn't silly emotional diseases be of no use? Let us make our own decisions by what makes us happy and suffer the consequences on our own.
Instead our minds are imprisoned. We don't think for ourselves. We believe in what these so called laws are providing. Peace, right? I mean there no wars and everyone is so wealthy, right?
Do you really think society would be unbearable if we behaved with our instincts rather than tradition?
Free your mind.
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true!

*steps up on soapbox*

"love yourself before you cut yourself"

Fat people! Yes I'm talking to you holding the doughnut. Fat people! before you go under the knife and suck the fat out of your back, shrink your stomach, or do anything new and extreme to lose weight; make sure you love yourself first. I'm watching this True Life: I'm uncomfortable with my new body and it is confirming everything I believed about people who want to do drastic surgery.

When you have unnecessary medical treatment for the appearance which you created without any control, you will NOT be happy. Anyone who has had treatment and considers oneself as being happy is lying. That person is just waiting for the next opportunity to change another thing about his or her self.

Listen accept yourself. That means understand your lifestyle, your actions, your decisions; understand you. Sure you might want to look a certain way or behave in another way but pay attention to what you actually do in every circumstance. You want to loose weight but when you're hungry you eat excessively. You want to be popular but when you are out you don't talk much. Just accept it and stick to what makes you happy.

*steps off soapbox and asks the fat guy if he has more doughnuts*

Krispy Kremes b!tch

the inside job

the last night before I went back to Atlanta, I had my whole room packed and ready to go. Three days before, I was away on a trip to Dallas for two days and I told my roommates I would be leaving when I got back.

I go to bed around midnight ready to leave Norman in the morning and spend the day with my girl during 4th of July. Sleep falls upon me very quickly from the exhaustion of packing and the excitement of barbecue food for a whole day, then suddenly I hear a noise. In less than a second I decipher the noise to be from my window shades and my window was closed.

I jump straight up to a sitting position facing my window to see a black figure holding my window shade halfway from its base and my window completely open. Hearing no sound but my alertness upon the bed, the dark figure drops the shade and runs away.

What happened? Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did I almost just get Ezheal'd (*Friday reference)? I step lightly to window. Alert if the perpetrators decided to come back and finish the job. My window was wide open. My screen was lying on the concrete floor. My laptop was sitting right next to the window along with my hard drive. Nothing stolen but the deep sleep and the expected dreams.

For the next hour with the light on, I pondered. I'm on the second floor. I don't keep my window or my shades open. They didn't steal my laptop that was sitting right next to my window. What in the world just happened? Were they trying to get into the room? If so for what? To hurt me? I hardly know anybody. Who would want to do that? What did they want?

The thoughts rambled on. I was led to an assumption, this was an inside job. How much of a coincidence was it that on my last night this happened? When I was away for two days with my window unlocked, my front door unlocked (the roommates never locked it), my bedroom unlocked and on the night that I'm there (the last night), someone decides to climb through my window. This had to have been planned by someone who knew something about me. And I've always heard that most crimes being committed is by someone you know.

*Just so you know what reference was.

The Cleveland Show

http://www.zshare.net/video/620914104b4d02e4/

The pilot is hilarious. I hope this means more work for black actors. Real black actors not just Tyler Perry's crew.

Ohhhh! Chef Boyar G's new batch of hate.

chef's choice: Escape From Cubicle Nation

so while attempting to escape from dull life in Atlanta: unemployed, unmotivated, and dissatisfied; I went in search for some inspirational reading to help me become my own boss. I hit the Barnes and Noble business section and just started browsing the books for entrepreneurs. I knew what I wanted but I didn't know which book was right for me. Some of the books look like textbooks from school that I despised and others looked like entrepreneurship for dummies.

Then I found Escape From Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim.


At first I thought, this doesn't look like a serious book. Maybe I shouldn't waste my money. But then I thought, I have no idea where to start and I have fears that I shouldn't be thinking about entrepreneurship anyways, so why not have something lightweight in jargon. Then I looked at the cover because I do judge actual books by their covers, and I saw the people poking their heads out like groundhogs and thought, that's exactly how I felt when I had a job. I was too scared peek out of my own dull existence and see my shadow of disappointment.

So I bought the book. Yes I bought it for the cover but this time I wasn't disappointed at all. After a good read, I realized this book was just for me. Great inspirational quotes, lots of resources, lots of real life examples, and great motivational tools. Escape From Cubicle Nation was a great start. It didn't teach me everything I needed to start a business plan but it help get my fears out of the way by giving me real life expectations and much needed stepping stones. Pamela is straight forward in delivering achievable action steps that will get you one step closer to your tipping point.

move forward

one of the famous quotes my father used to say after watching me play a soccer game is, "you haff to move forward!" It never made any sense to me because I played defense. But nowadays I find myself using that as the answer as to why I need to take risks. I need to move forward.

I'm back in Atlanta. Back from my "extended vacation". What I really feel is that it wasn't a vacation at all but an answer to my prayers. I was looking for something or someone to motivate me and I did. I found someone to give me purpose and a new place to keep me interested. The risk worked out and I'm happy. So why am I still scared?

Is it wrong to find happiness? That's what we are all looking for right? Either someone to be happy with or things to keep us happy. I've found one if not possibly two of those things. So why do I still fear this risk won't work out and I will fail? I keep thinking that I should abandon the idea of starting a business and just rely on a regular job. Give up my happiness in an uncharted land and stick with my roots.

But, (and I quote) "Everything that I have done up till now has been unsuccessful. Its time to try something else" (okay that was a paraphrase from Pamela Slim Escape From Cubicle Nation). I need to put my fears aside, rely on God, and the warm bubbly feeling inside (I hope is not just gas). And I need to follow the line of my father, which will probably be a title of a book one day, I need to move forward.

Plus if I wasn't scared I probably wasn't doing anything right in the first place. The funny thing is that my father has been asking me to come back home. Sorry pops. You raised a good boy who was taught to listen to his parents. I gotta keep going. I need to move forward.

life can be so... "SQUIRREL!"

i don't want to get distracted. I'm in full force mode in life and I would hate for something to happen to discourage or distract me from where I need to get to. I feel like that dog on the movie "Up" who in the middle of talking has to stop and notice a squirrel. Sure to a dog the squirrel is something to chase and have fun with but will it really help it to accomplish his goal of being the best dog it can be. No. I understand I must have some fun and I want to have fun more than feel like I'm working but I don't want to waste time.

The real problem is that I have gotten great at wasting time. I've always been a shy kid and a loner so inevitably I've created time wasting activities to help me get through the day. This is bad if I want to be a business owner. I have to learn to be active in the right ways and if I'm wasting time it should be helpful in some way.

That's why I'm off of facebook (*pause* here comes a facebook rant so brace yourself). Facebook teaches me nothing. I don't care about people I don't care about so why do I need to know that such and such is enjoying an ice cream at two o'clock in the morning. At least my other time wasting sites offer bits of information or news. For instance verysmartbrothas.com teaches me how to be a better man and the ten top movies I should have seen by now. Okayplayer.com provides me with music I love and people that love it too. Even Kanye West's blog kanyeuniverscity.com has cool design stuff (shameless plugs over). But facebook gives me nothing. Sure they say its a great way to network. But does anybody really talk about important things on there anymore. No. Because soon they will own you and everything you put on the site. (Rant over. I feel like I said this before).

What's really funny is that this blog is distracting me as we speak (well I speak you browse for something worth reading). But at least this blog teaches me something about myself. One thing I've learned is that I want to see the movie "Up".

you left a stinky trail

i just discovered that if you google my old alias I found a trail of embarrassing youtube clips, blackplanet pages, comments on random boards, and a string of other things I did when I was bored and had a job. Man the internet sucks. Not only that but my old alias was part of my email address that I have been giving out to employees for an interview. So what does that mean, when I went in for a particular interview she made a reference to a video I made years ago that included me being intoxicated (this was just for fun). I didn't fully realize the reference at the time of the interview. All I could think of is, "Hey I made a video about that." A week later it dawns on me. I google the alias and guess what number my incriminating video shows up as: #4. How embarrassing.

Well you live and you learn. I've deleted most of the old stuff with that alias and I will now give a different email for business purposes. The internet sucks for that though because the average person doesn't go online as a professional. They go to fool around and waste time. Plus any video, picture, blog entry made was at a different time in my life but a random reader won't take the time to view the time-stamp and say, "well that was years ago. I'm sure he has changed."

So from now on I will be referred to as chefBoyarG on this blog. I'm still cooking with grease. Its a shame that my most unprofessional moments can't be viewed as attempts to release my creative energy. I'm proud of my creativity. It's what makes me special and I wanted to share it with the world. Unfortunately the fat cats have sticks up their butts.

INC

I'm starting a new business and I need a target market. A specific market. I can work with just anybody because I lose the focus I need to work for the right people. Plus I hate working with people. I don't mind working for people but working with us tough because I'm a do it my way or no way type of person. There's nothing worst than spending your time to complete a project with my own expertise than having some amature decide they can change or have input on something. Sounds terrible doesn't it? But that's how I feel.
I Ve figured that the type of people I want as a client is someone who wants in and out. No long term updates or continuing projects. Just a logo, a template and that's it. Now don't get me wrong I know I need to build relationships but I also want the new business to work on what I can give tham first before you decide I'm your new on the spot designer who likes calls at 3 am to design a flyer. Take the logo, take the template and are what works first. Then when you have a particular project come back to me with proof that it can work.
I dunno this is mostly hogwash. Most of it is fear. Starting a business is scary.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tat tat tat tat it up

Getting a tattoo is like getting and extra piece of your soul attached to your body. You should think about it like that because it forever. Well you can zap it off but that's not the point. A tat should be something personal. Something that represent a part of you that not many people should know. That's right wear soul on your skin.

I'm not ready for my tat yet. But I have an idea of what it will be. I feel bad cause I made a promise not to get a tat but things done changed and the dead don't mourn. My new life must be marked on me before the breast comes.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Outkast was right

you need to get up, get out, and do something
You'll never make it if you never even try

But just because you are trying doesn't mean you'll win. That's the hard part. Sometimes you are just not allowed to do your brilliant idea. I mean legally. When you start to think about it though, this is the land of the free (America's slogan, right?) but not the free to do what you want without paying the man (yeah I know he is black now but he's still "top cop").

So if you get this ingenious idea to sell something, you first gotta pay for a license, pay for a place to sell, pay for marketing, damn near pay for protection. That's right, you're stepping into gang territory. That's what it feels like. I'm trying to make just some extra cash for myself but before I can do all that I have to pay so many people before I see a dime. That's capitalism folks. You pay rent to these bullies who stand behind a legal system and call it fair.

I'm moving to Brazil and living off the river.

my soul is a mess

when you begin transforming your life, you can feel like your soul is a mess. You know how people do soul searching, yeah well mine is a mess. There are just things that I believed deep down in my soul that aren't even true. So in the process of changing those things, life experiences get miss placed, dreams get misinterpreted, and your role in society is reassigned. All these things make up a soul or what I believe is the inner core of oneself.

So now, I have to clean up that mess. Put things where they should have been. Throw out the garbage that has plagued me from the beginning. I need to fung shway my soul.

Does someone know the number to extreme makeover?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Eighth wonder

I find it interesting that my ideas and actions aren't being contested like they used to. If people eventually knew they would let me figure things out on my own then why all the harassment from the start? Nowadays I feel like I can do whatever I want and there is no better freedom than that. Now all I worry about is what will truly make me happy. I'm close to understanding what that is. The question now is whay is it going to be like getting there and how will it feel?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

life as a Sooner

that's right. I've changed locations to Norman, OK. Tornado country, Soonerville, Indian Reservations, and jaw-jacking white folk. I'm spending the summer here with my girlfriend. Glee! (like a little school boy). I'm in a impulse mood right now. I'm willing to try everything and anything until I get to where I need to be. Where that is I don't know but I know some things that I will need. $$$$That do-lo$$$$ So if you catch me selling salt to snail don't be surprised. Its better than selling illegal stuff (which is still crossing my mind. Why doesn't everybody sell illegal stuff if it makes so much money?). You know you've thought about it too!

Worst air ride ever

I already hate flying so its even worst when I have a bad flight. First of all you have to carry all your luggage that's awkwardly shaped and scratches your left thigh every time I take a step. Now for those with rollers screw you. You need the exercise anyway.
But the worst part of today flight was that the airplane did a marathon lap around the airport before taking off an hour late. So when I get to my layover I'm too late and have to take the next flight in three hours.
BULLOCKS!
I finally get on the plane and I'm delayed again because the engine needs air to start. What you say? That s right air. The molecule that surrounds us. Which also means there is not air inside the plane in ninety degree weather. Sounds like fun right?
But someone finally farts some air into the engine and we are on our way but wait there's more.
Some guy sitting behind me (he's white) decides to tell the extra friendly male flight attendant something that causes him to get all upset and demand an apology or else he'll kick him off the plane. Boy oh boy. To that the old white man reply, "Screw you."
*sigh* I love white people.
Now threatened the attendant calls for back up and we have to wait for the guy to apologize before the plane can leave. Aint that something. Worst air ride ever!


Except for that one time my brother decided to throw me off the porch.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Swine flu is what your mama called you.

I'm not surprised that once again we have to be scared of something in america. Its like they found a strategy to distract us long to get away with some bull spit (the economy isn't fixed yet people. Recognize game!). Swine flu hasn't killed no more than seven people in the world. "the world Craig!" I see that they found the first person who spread the flu and its a kid. If the flu couldn't kill a kid then what the hell are we scared about? Its just a flu. If it was a disease then I could understand equating the word "pandemic" with this situation. But. Its. Just. A. Flu.
Does cnn really have to tell me to stay in bed if I catch the flu? Is there nothing else going on in the world that you have to advise me to drink more fluids? Something isn't right. I hope the dark ages do come soon cause we need to reevaluate what's important. Wake the eff up!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

i ain't asking to pass GO

i'm back "home" (a state of mind if you ask me), in ATL. Its only been a couple of days I feel like its I've already over stayed my welcome. Its time to go. A funny feeling came over me when I walked through the door on Sunday evening. It felt like disappointment. Go figure.

I was glad old Besty (aka green eyed bandit, my car) made it back home. I was on cruise control the whole way listening to Raheem Devaughn and pretending I was in a band. The whole time though I was worried that my tires would pop like last time or the squeaking noise from the brakes would be more than I thought. Every bump on the road made my heart beat harder.

After everything, the trip was great. Not that I did much but I learned a whole lot and that is what is important to me in these days. Its easier to apologize than to ask permission.

Now give me my $200!

on the road again

it was Sunday afternoon. I was talking to a friend but really just thinking about what am I going to do this week while unemployed and have nothing left to accomplish since my portfolio is done. I couldn't think of anything. Then I started to think about a new philosphy I recently heard thanks to my brother: Ask better questions.

You see in life we ask a lot of questions: what am supposed to be? what am I supposed to do next? how do I get that weasel out of my wall? But those questions always have the same answer (for the weasel you just call an exterminator). So ask a better question tommorrow and stick with the answer.

Back to Sunday. My better question is how am I going to figure out what motivates me? Because that's my main problem is lack of motivation. The answer to that question is doing things that I like. This envitably went to what do I like? Easy: music, travel, design, etc. So at about 3 pm on Sunday I told myself, I love to travel right? Mainly because I like to see new things. So why not do it. Right now. Carpe Deim. So with the help from my friend on the phone (thanks friend) and a friend in North Carolina who's about 6 hrs (thanks buddy), I packed a couple bags hopped in my car and bolted.

I'm in NC now. Chillin. No real strong plans just calling them how I see it. I've only been here for a day and I've seen more country then I've ever seen in my life. This is a good thing. Don't care for it but still a good thing.

right of passage

i've been thinking.

You know how every boy challenges his father at some point in their teens? When I become a father, I'm gonna challenge my son on his 13th birthday. I'm gonna take him to the woods, hand him a knife while I'm holding a rifle, and tell him this is the time when we find out how much of a man you want to be. Then start counting to ten.

I figure this will be a lasting memory when he decides to go against my wishes years later. And if he still decides to challenge me, we going back to the woods. This time he'll wake up to me counting to ten, along with a gun cock.

oh what a feeling.... to be young

last night i was socially raped by some women.

In an effort to stay young and keep my mind off the boredom of being unemployed, I checked out this new club that opened in the south side ATL. Its a decent enough club but nobody was really enjoying themselves (aka the girls weren't shaking their booties hard enough). So I'm making my selections of who I'm willing to get rejected by and stumble upon a group of older chicks. I'm dancing with one but she ain't bumping and grinding. She calling her other friends to come sandwich me. That's cool. Hey at one point I was surrounded by four good looking girls. That made me smile.

Then they turned on me. (cue in horror movie sound) So they start rubbing my hair and I'm thinking, whoa violation! I know its silky smooth but you crossing a line here. Then they start grabbing and then spanking! I started having flashbacks of being whooped in my younger years. And nobody was helping me. Usually when a dude is surrounded by more than one woman other dudes come to help out (its called counter-action). But no. I was being mauled by these women. I was being socially raped.

Lesson learned:
If you start off with rum don't switch to henny.

some people need this right now

Drake - So Far Gone

Classic.

I haven't bumped an album on repeat for so long now. This dude is laying down tight flows over dope beats. "Successful" is number one on repeat. It speaks so much for people that just want to make it in a dark tone. The bonus track is just cherry. In these days that question comes up all the time with the opposite sex. Dopest line is from "Say Whats Real": "Cuz I just see my ex-girl standing with my next girl standing with the girl that I'm fucking right now"

Download approval:
http://www.getrightmusic.com/2009/02/13/drake-so-far-gone/

xbox gamertag

"SURVIVE TO KILL"

shooting the sheeit.

i've been going to the courts when I get really bored and need to get out the house. Basically I shoot free throws and then from the top of the key. I think I'm getting better. I've focused my muscles during a shot and worked on my follow thru. My shot is getting nice. I feel like I'm getting ready for some tournament or something but not really. I've discovered I need to strengthen my lower back. It hurts like a mug after 20 shots.

another realization is that I've got a huge belly. Too many beers man. Now I gotta look at my big belly ass in the mirror every day. I wish I was just prego and it would go away in 9 months. No Homo! (if anyone knows how to lose a beer belly, let me know)

Lastly, Jimmy Fallon show, sucks! Sorry Roots Crew. You got put on a sinking ship. Dude is just not funny. The writers my just be horrible but his delivery is weak as well. I miss Conan. Hey! Where is Conan? When is he taking over?

great moments in history

can't help but think these days. I'm unemployed.

Is your life a collection of great moments or great moments in a collection of bad ones? The question is not that profound. Either way you know that all people have bad moments and great moments. But if you focus only on the great moments does being in a bad moment seem frivolous and unimportant? Life is just a bumpy road. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. Enjoy it all.

cabin fever

i've been trapped in my own home. Being at home for days upon days is something I never thought I would hate. I didn't go out everyday when I did have a job but just being out of the house was something I didn't realize was so important to my sanity. Even the simple act of buying fast food is something I miss. I don't hate cooking, I just like the ease of pre-cooked food.

I think I've never been so focused on my design before. This is the positive of my cooped up days. The shock of being unemployed is still wearing off but I'm definitely focused.

thanks for your patience

i love not being in customer service anymore. I don't have to kill 'em with kindness. I can just kill it.

If I design, or give advice to anyone in the future and I see that they don't appreciate it, I'm going to end the agreement or conversation immediately. I'm not wasting time anymore (unless it comes with a beer and a good movie). The only way I'll continue to listen to nonsense is if money has been fronted to me to do a job. No dollo no mojo.

I hate the salesmen type. They have nothing but their words. Even what they offer isn't theirs, but they feel that they can barter with it. Get the f*ck outta here with that. I've just learned a valuable lesson: I have a price.

Joy! (geeked like a little school girl)

And its all about the principle. There's princibalities in this.

first date feelings

when Adam and Eve shared that apple together, I think that was their first date. I know that whole event has a negative feeling because it took them from paradise and separated the human race from God but think about it at love's stand point. When Adam took the bite it was like he was saying, "Girl, I'm with you to the end. Lets ride or die this bitch" (ebonically interpreted). And how could he resist? God made the most beautiful being on earth for him and he's supposed to say no to her? I don't think so. God set Adam up for a purpose. The Devil just used it as an advantage.

Side bar: why do we call it The Devil and not just Devil? We call God, God without "The". Think about it.

I just think that maybe we should celebrate that moment more often. What if at a wedding the couple takes a bite out of a apple at the same time to signify that we are taking a risk together in this life? And its not like the apple is the bad symbol. Its the fruit of knowledge from the tree of life (I think that's how it goes).

Message to future wife: we eating an apple after our vows. I'm starting a new trend.

gsmooth Radio presents First Date Feelings
Podcast coming soon.

music makes me high

I've created some podcasts. Having trouble making them mp3s but for now if you have itunes I believe you can listen to these.

gsmoothRadio.m4a
http://www.divshare.com/download/6399723-bb5

MidnightClouds.m4a
http://www.divshare.com/download/6399724-b9c

Last Words

See you at the top.

And that's where I plan to be.

its time for change

this year will be about change (Obama got niggas feeling it). The biggest change I hope to achieve is accepting who I am. I think the reason why I'm ever nervous or doubtful is that I imagine myself as someone else or I compare myself too much. I know who I am and what I like and don't like; its time I accept it and love it. Sure I'm a solo cat. But put me in any room and I can charm the hell out of it. I also wear glasses so I look less cool and too smart for most people (that's right, I am). My confidence is more arrogant than proud. My feeling is I'm the right guy at the right time. A great addition to any party. I'll add insight, intelligence, and enlightenment. I'm the guy that covers the details.

lost without you (c)Robin Thicke

it only took about an hour but I'm officially bored again
I gotta focus.
Not just on the amazing evenings of the past but the upcoming days of the future
the endless search of love is not in the discovery,
(Because no one ever unveils its true smile)
But in the endless search where love continues to remain.