lets not talk about it

there are certain people who deserve to be avoided. You can't love everybody in this world (because that would just lead to a huge awkward orgy at which point it would become hard to look anybody in the eye). Not every personality fits together and this is why we need to know how to properly avoid people. I have developed a wonderful system for avoiding the annoying.

Here goes...

Step 1: Pie in the Sky
The primary source of human interaction is eye contact. If you've ever walked into a hallway and found yourself making incidental eye contact with the co-worker who can't stop talking the cats that inhabit her safari like home, quickly avoid this person by redirecting your eyes to something on the ceiling or wall. "Oh look a black widowed spider holding a martini."

Step 2: Here boy. Fetch!
Most times a persistent fat bastard won't easily be fooled by a redirecting eye and you will have to interact in some form. This is when you use the misdirection technique. "Oh hey Bob. I heard they're handing out free doughnuts in the park. Hurry quickly before the police decide to shut it down confiscate them." Your tubby friend will more than likely be too distracted by the idea of fresh pastry goods to annoy with his great adventures of chicken pot pies and earning the highest level on World of Warcraft with the expansion package.

Step 3: Do the Heisman on the...
The greatest action to avoid interaction is a reaction. There are several ways to use this step. Some more violent than others. The more simple action is the side step. Begin by heading straight toward the prick with a blank stare on your face and as soon as you get close, step to the side, and continue on your path in one motion. Now a more effective form of this step is to extend your arm toward the guys face making sure the palm of your hand makes contact with his cheek bone. A good performance is when you hear a slapping noise. Disclaimer: the more violent you get with this step the more you want to make sure you deliver a good knock out.

These are three simple steps but there are many more.

you make me earl.

I just went back to the disappointing facebk and I almost earled. I guess before I left I decided to join several groups that have now spammed the hell out of my inbox. I'm getting poked by random broads I have no idea who they are. And I realized why I don't want to see pictures of people I hardly talk to, people I never knew yet they are in my friends list, and the up to date status of every hour, minute, second of someones life. I hate you facebk. You are the definition of sell out in the new millennium.

How the hell did I get an email about a poke when I know I turned all my email notifications off? Facebk is like the pestering guy down the street who just don't take no, a beat down, and an attempt to run him over; serious.

Gimme a cane, red suspenders, and a pocket full of change

A sign that I'm getting old is when I have a plumbing problem and I have to call some to fix it. No I'm not talking about digestive plumbing. I got a kitchen sink that just stopped sinking.

Usually I get my grown man on and just get on my knees to go at it for 4 hours but this time I'm too tired. Now there's two guys in my home jamming a snake down a tube virgorously and loudly. While watching them sweat and trying to avoid the glance of plumbers butt , I just can't imagine doing it myself anymore.

Good luck to them. Sounds like an impossible task. I hope they have some good solution to pour. Mean while I gotta pee and I'm wondering if I flush will that spray them in the face? (might be my only chance to piss in a white guys face. You know you've thought about it).
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You gonna take a left. Then you gonna take another left. Then you gonna take one more left to get back here and ask me again.

I have a terrible sense of direction. Its inherited. I remember many a road trips with my father getting lost with written directions in hand. When I first moved to atl I drove with one knee because my hands were holding a map against the windshield.

I wish there were up to date maps with key markers like "you gonna pass three mickey dees. The last one gonna be selling the McRib for a limited time. Stop in and get you one, then go out the back way and take a left. " I know gps has solved all our problems but I've yet to remember to set my trip in advance. So only after I have been in circles three times do I stop and punch in the right route. And now I can't stop at a gas station because the first thing they say is "que? Non gps?"

And what happens when my battery runs out? I'm trying to guess how long I have left before I'm back to the stone age and trying to find the big dipper.

How do you directional inclined people do it? Are yall just cheating with a compass written on the back of your hand? Am I just not paying attention? Talk to me. And if you have time I'm on the side of the road so come pick me up.
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I'm exhausted.

I'm in the process of cleaning and rearranging my parents house. I'm visiting home for a week and everybody is working so I have nothing to do. Why did I decide to tell my parents I would paint multiple rooms, clean multiple yards and change a carpet? Part of me feels I'm obligated to do this because I haven't been good at coming back home and staying with my parents.

But I need a break. I feel like a slave on the first day of cotton picking. Just on some oh hell naw!

I discovered something else about me. I don't like to complete things I do and I get it from my pops. There so many projects he has started in this house and never quite finished. If its a paint job the trim is unfinished. If its a game room a wall is incomplete.

I think I decided to help around the house to teach me something. First to finish the mess my father left and to complete every project I start. So I can't stop now. There's something to learn here. Its all in the details.
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