discipline

that's what life is about. All the times your parents set rules and punishments for you, it was all about discipline. You can't keep your job without it. You don't survive most relationships without it. So that's what I have to learn. I already know about work and social discipline but the hardest challenge is self-discipline. Getting up in the morning to run a mile around the neighborhood, shutting the television off and doing something productive, that's the hardest part.

And I think there is a difference between discipline and self deprecation. When you deprive yourself of certain things you are not in control of the desire, you are just torturing yourself. We all have things we want to do and have the right to do them but we must learn how much we can do these things in a given time. Its not wrong to do anything in this world (except for murder and adultery) so we should be afraid of doing what we want to do. We just have to know when to stop. That may be the hardest thing to learn especially in this world where we see everybody else living lives the way we want to but we have no idea how to do it. Well my friends even the most carefree rich guy has discipline. You may not even have to work hard to get what you want. Just discipline and consistency. That's all it takes.

daylight savings is %$&#ing up my high

I've been tired
I've been sleepy
I've been crouch in my bed from cold of the night

I've been creepy
I've been cranky
I've been fighting with all the peoples cuz something just ain't right

Cuz daylight savings is f_king up my high
Daylight savings, I'm missing an hour of my life
Daylight savings is f_king up my high
Daylight savings got me tired and I don't know why

Sunday Afternoon

I can not stop laughing.

remember that time?

There was a time where I had never touched a cup of liquor. When my comrades and I would sip the little drops of beer left over from my uncle's bottle and grimace from the bitter taste. There were times when people would ask me if I did drugs or alcohol and I would flatly refuse. There were times when I would taste a mix drink and wonder why the hell anyone would take another sip of this burning liquid of engine oil?

Then began the times of when I would feel the sensation of complete irresponsibility. A time where all of my actions could be dismissed in front of any judge and jury. The times when giggling was the only way I could breath for a half hour. The times when I would reach a second dimension and meet my other self who would rebuke me for my intoxication. The times that are most memorable because I don't remember any of it.

Another time is upon us. A time of fellowship. A time of intellectual stimulation. A time of instinctual communication with hormonal sexes.

Dudes Night Out. Part 2
Atlanta, GA

starving artist

i wonder if I have the gonads to be a starving artist. I don't want to be. I want to make art for me, for fun, to release my creative juices. I use it as an escape from this stressful, 9 to 5, alcoholic world.

Lately I've been creating for money and it doesn't feel good. What really feels bad is that I'm not getting any money for it. I'm spending money to create a portfolio that will get me a job that will pay my bills from trying to get a job. Nah that's not what art and creativity is about. I don't mind getting paid for it and I'm by no means one of those crazy artsy people that are too good to make money. I just don't want to create with that kind of pressure. If I have to make money, fine I'll get a job, but when I want to express something I feel I'm not doing it for fame or money. Its for the feeling of release, freedom, voice.

As an artist, you can't stop me from saying what I want to say and that's the beauty of it. America says that there is freedom of speech but we all know that's a bunch of malarkey. Because as soon as I do something they don't like I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me. But under the label of an artist, I can say fck 'em.

I don't want to starve doing art and I don't want my art to starve. I just want to do art and accept donations.

art is sacrifice

so my last video I Am Black History is a salute to Black History Month. I thought of it the last day of February while watching The Roots new video "75 Bars Black's Reconstruction" (its dope, the movie begins). I was trying my best with these old sharpies to write on my skin. One of the pens all of a sudden blow up with out me knowing. My bed gets inked up, ink is all over the pen, I'm thinking damn. I get another pen and finish writing on my self then I walk over to my macbook and ink is splatter all over. This ish is permanent. I got black ink blots on a white macbook. I try to rub it off but no go. The computer still works fine so I leave it alone. Hopefully I'll get used to it soon. All I know I will always remember this video: the day I made a sacrifice for art.

75 Bars Black's Reconstruction by The Roots is the greatest video so far this year. Of course it got me to thinking: man Thought is really using the "N-word" - naked. No I mean nigger. With all the recent backlash for black people still using the word and is it offensive? Most black people that use it say, "we're just turning something bad into something good." I never agreed with that. I understand it but it always felt like a week argument. It's like a girl who was raped and then becomes a pornstar as an adult, it doesn't make it any better.

But The Roots new song gave the word power. I am a nigger. I might be all the niggers he says in the songs or all the nigger stereotypes you know about. No matter what you think, people are scared of niggers (not just whites). Is fear power? No, but power is greater with fear.

And then niggers call each other niggas but white folk can't say it, why? Because its a way to express a nigger's power, "I dare you to call me nigger. I know you made it up, and we use it with each other but if you dare use it in front of me you catching a whooping. That's the kind of power I have." This might not make any sense but when is that ever important when dealing with power (eh hem, cough*Bush*cough).