starving artist

i wonder if I have the gonads to be a starving artist. I don't want to be. I want to make art for me, for fun, to release my creative juices. I use it as an escape from this stressful, 9 to 5, alcoholic world.

Lately I've been creating for money and it doesn't feel good. What really feels bad is that I'm not getting any money for it. I'm spending money to create a portfolio that will get me a job that will pay my bills from trying to get a job. Nah that's not what art and creativity is about. I don't mind getting paid for it and I'm by no means one of those crazy artsy people that are too good to make money. I just don't want to create with that kind of pressure. If I have to make money, fine I'll get a job, but when I want to express something I feel I'm not doing it for fame or money. Its for the feeling of release, freedom, voice.

As an artist, you can't stop me from saying what I want to say and that's the beauty of it. America says that there is freedom of speech but we all know that's a bunch of malarkey. Because as soon as I do something they don't like I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me. But under the label of an artist, I can say fck 'em.

I don't want to starve doing art and I don't want my art to starve. I just want to do art and accept donations.