Trapped

When you stepped out of bed this morning you didn't think you would find yourself here did you? Didn't think you would be trapped in a state of mind where nothing seems real but everything feels like the scorching pain you get when you remind yourself of the furture. Well now you are here. You have nothing else to face but what's in front you. Can you handle it? Oh you want to look at like you have some heart left? Jam this into your heart. There is no way out. You are too scared to end it and too weak to fight it. What you want to be over soon will last longer than you can possibly believe and you will feel every last emotion this sick and twisted world has to offer. You can't wait till you're on the other side can you? It'll soon come, till then this is life. Enjoy.

(untitled)

if I can just interject. Wet willies are real!!! That means nothing to a lot of you I know but who cares. Cuz really do I ever make sense. I'm at work today staring into nothingness and secretly typing that the worst place I'm ever wasted time is right here at work. It sucks. Damn women keep cussing me out I'm a have to slap a trick.
Moving on. Music is big to me but I have nothing new. But guess what? I got a new stereo in my room. Now I can listen to my favorite tunes in the morning.
(Thoughts are incomplete)

put another 45lb plate on that side

I'm back in the gym you lazy bums. Yeh I'm talking to you, internet browser. As you sit in front of the screen veggitating and slowly dying as you soul is sucked through your usb port, I was at the gym. Pumping iron, feeling like a man, feeling accomplished, feeling young again. I'm back in business baby. I just need a routine, so if anybody knows of one holla. I'm trying to get bigger and more defined.

The most fun about the gym is the 20 min. of cardio. It starts of easy and I think I can do this all day. Then five minutes roll by and I start breathing heavy (ah oh). Sweat starts running down my face. I huffing and puffing but all I can think of is where I used to be doing the same kind of exercise. For instance when I'm running on the treadmill I think of the espinage I used to run in Boston. The Charles River to my left, the skyline, the Mass Bridge, all beautiful at night. Today I was on the bike and I thought of when I used to ride a bike to get everywhere. The most fun was playing tag in the woods. Pedaling as fast as I can to get away or catch someone, that was fun. Next thing you know my 20 minutes are up and I have to cool down. I call it my way home.

Peace to BU and the rock. Always in my foundation.

generation to generation

What I just realized the other day scares me. I may not be able to teach my kids everything I want. Think about it. As I grow older I realized there are things my parents didn't tell me about. Did they want me to figure it out on my own or was it that they didn't have time. For instances, they never taught me how to handle money, get a job, or any responsibility outside of school. Were they sure that school would get me everything I need in life (sadly I'm finding out academics is not the only thing in life to learn). How come pops never had talks with me about paying bills or having business ventures? Answer: the man was too tired. Working hard to pay the bills, fixing a house, fixing a car and then he was suppose to have one on one time with me. Man when I come home now, I don't want to do nothing but sleep. Imagine when I have kids. I'm not going to think about going home to teach a kid another lesson in life. All I want to do is rest. And that sucks. There is so much I want to teach my kids but I may just wind trying to make sure they are disciplined and well behaved (which is even harder). Well all I can say to my future kids is good luck. Life is never easy.