hi my name is... and moms love me

so I'm at work. Tired. Who isn't tired at work? I want to find a decent job that I don't end up tired by the end of the day. Where I don't feel like I have to take a nap as soon as a I get home. And I'm tired of having to go to work complaining that I'm going to work. Damn it, it has to be done, so why do I have to remind myself I hate the place (that and getting out of bed in the morning).

so anyways I'm at work. Customer service type job. My deal is get them in get them out. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer from. But every once in a while someone puts a smile to my face. Anywho, a woman walks up to my station, "hey how are you doing?"

"Fine, how are you?"

"Good. Are you married?"

my thoughts (what the hell do I looked married? I look mad young)
"No I'm not married"

"Well I have a daughter that..."

my thoughts (wait is moms trying to hook me up with her daughter?)

"...could be interested in meeting you."

my thoughts (yup, moms is pimp)

After I told her my age, she said I was too young ("Aww you're a baby"). But I realize that moms love me. Maybe they recognize what young women fail to see, a good man. But I wonder what if I wasn't too young and she did try to hook me up with her daughter, how strange would that be? What if I played the girl and then moms gonna come down on me and all? Or worse what if she was ugly? What if I never told my age and I got with the older chick? Why she so old without a man and her moms gotta hook her up?

The answer to all these questions matter not because I got 8 chicken wings for 79 cents at the farmers market. They weren't all that good but hey who can beat that deal?

My name is... and I love chicken.

what's up about nothing

I think I take a different kind of look at life. To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies). In order to counteract this feeling I try to help as many people as I can but then that back fires. There is only so much I can help sometimes and then I want to get my shotgun and shoot somebody.

What I really wish was that I was a samuari or a ninja, you know Asians with honor. You descrase your family, you kill yourself; you have one too many babies, you kill one of them; you go to school to learn, you actually learn something, or you kill yourself. Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.

things that make me laugh

- jiggling fat people
- ignant ass people
- jello
- adult swim commercials with the funny faces (they scare me too)
- Bender
- Demitri Martin
- lots and lots of liquor
- monkeys (its been researched and proven)
- things that go boing
- a monkey with a wrench (monkeywrench get it?)
- white wanna be rappers (king of the burbs on the white rapper show)
- little kids that fall down or run into things (if you don't laugh they'll cry)

UPDATE COMING SOON...

dreaming of the amazon

forget this, I'm moving to brazil. I'm going to live off the amazon river trading goods with the locals on my boat. I'll find me a nice brazilian woman that knows nothing about a Halle Berry or a Paris Hilton or a Will Smith. All she will know is how to make a living by painting on ceramic vases and blank canvas. And she'll make love to me and only me and think of nothing better. The music we will love will be the chorus of our children running around as the river caresses the boat. At night when we pass through pirate infested waters my family will recognize me as the brave warrior who shows no mercy to those that intefere with our lives. My wife will sleep comfortablely in my arms at night, knowing that I am her protector and she is the precious treasure in my life that I will kill and survive for.

That's what I'll do. Leave all of the foolishness behind and go back to being a man. No desire for riches and gold, no want for anything better than a delicious meal. Bills, who needs them? Expenses, for what? A budget, get the flup outta here. Now if I can just save enough money to get a first class airplane ticket.