Fear itself

I can't tell you why I have a fear of rejection. I've been shy all my life. I can only guess that I didn't fail often in my childhood so therefore I don't know how to take it. There are plenty of people that I could blame for this: both of my 5th and 6th grade teachers, my parents, and my older brothers.

My grade school teachers never failed me. I bring up 5th and 6th grade because there were two projects that I did last minute, that I obviously should have failed, that I was sweating about when grades were getting passed out but I got A's.

My parents never taught me how to fail. I was found so well in school (which is the only thing they cared about) so they never took the time to push me to the limit.

My brothers excelled at everything that I couldn't physically. I'm not sure how that increases my fear if failure but I can feel it has something to do with it.

So I bring this up because I can't make a cold call at work. I had this whole plan to cold call businesses after sending letters to them so that it would be an actual cold call. But I still feel like it is. Cold calling is the ultimate rejection. The fear comes from mean, surly business people that bark at you for wasting their time. They always make me feel small.

I know that I have conquered a lot more fears than I give myself props for. I'm married about to purchase a home. I've also left home at 18 and never looked back while my friends still live at home. I'm a guy making moves and becoming a man everyday. So what I still have fears. At least I can admit it.

Kick it List

Stand up comedy
Write a novel
Sky dive
Ballon ride
Hang glide
Rap on stage
Make a song
Sing in a choir
Fall in love
Go cross country
Be in a bicycle gang
Coach a football team
Create a legacy
Design and build a home
Order a royale with cheese
Make a movie
Dunk a playground hoop
Get a natural high
Win a poker tournament

Real Dreams

The wife and I are buying a home. It is such an incredible feat for us since we just got married 6 months ago and that wasn't cheap. What feels great about it is that I am on my way to completing my dream. Married, check. Own a home, check. Next up kids. Wait, what?

Children scare the crap out of me. Don't get me wrong I love kids, you just can't take them back though. Kids are a real commitment. Everything else is negotiable . In a marriage you can get a divorce; at work you can quit; but kids are a full commitment. They will have no one else to depend on. That's why I got to make my marriage work. I have to make my job work. And I have to begin my legacy because my kids will depend on it.

Some might say it sounds like you are ready for a child. Some men don't even care about there current living seed while I'm talking about a leaving a legacy. Well those people might be right. I'm still scared sh!tless that my daughters will become strippers. How the hell do I stop that?