Fear itself

I can't tell you why I have a fear of rejection. I've been shy all my life. I can only guess that I didn't fail often in my childhood so therefore I don't know how to take it. There are plenty of people that I could blame for this: both of my 5th and 6th grade teachers, my parents, and my older brothers.

My grade school teachers never failed me. I bring up 5th and 6th grade because there were two projects that I did last minute, that I obviously should have failed, that I was sweating about when grades were getting passed out but I got A's.

My parents never taught me how to fail. I was found so well in school (which is the only thing they cared about) so they never took the time to push me to the limit.

My brothers excelled at everything that I couldn't physically. I'm not sure how that increases my fear if failure but I can feel it has something to do with it.

So I bring this up because I can't make a cold call at work. I had this whole plan to cold call businesses after sending letters to them so that it would be an actual cold call. But I still feel like it is. Cold calling is the ultimate rejection. The fear comes from mean, surly business people that bark at you for wasting their time. They always make me feel small.

I know that I have conquered a lot more fears than I give myself props for. I'm married about to purchase a home. I've also left home at 18 and never looked back while my friends still live at home. I'm a guy making moves and becoming a man everyday. So what I still have fears. At least I can admit it.