lets not talk about it

there are certain people who deserve to be avoided. You can't love everybody in this world (because that would just lead to a huge awkward orgy at which point it would become hard to look anybody in the eye). Not every personality fits together and this is why we need to know how to properly avoid people. I have developed a wonderful system for avoiding the annoying.

Here goes...

Step 1: Pie in the Sky
The primary source of human interaction is eye contact. If you've ever walked into a hallway and found yourself making incidental eye contact with the co-worker who can't stop talking the cats that inhabit her safari like home, quickly avoid this person by redirecting your eyes to something on the ceiling or wall. "Oh look a black widowed spider holding a martini."

Step 2: Here boy. Fetch!
Most times a persistent fat bastard won't easily be fooled by a redirecting eye and you will have to interact in some form. This is when you use the misdirection technique. "Oh hey Bob. I heard they're handing out free doughnuts in the park. Hurry quickly before the police decide to shut it down confiscate them." Your tubby friend will more than likely be too distracted by the idea of fresh pastry goods to annoy with his great adventures of chicken pot pies and earning the highest level on World of Warcraft with the expansion package.

Step 3: Do the Heisman on the...
The greatest action to avoid interaction is a reaction. There are several ways to use this step. Some more violent than others. The more simple action is the side step. Begin by heading straight toward the prick with a blank stare on your face and as soon as you get close, step to the side, and continue on your path in one motion. Now a more effective form of this step is to extend your arm toward the guys face making sure the palm of your hand makes contact with his cheek bone. A good performance is when you hear a slapping noise. Disclaimer: the more violent you get with this step the more you want to make sure you deliver a good knock out.

These are three simple steps but there are many more.