transition

i went to church a couple of weeks ago. My mother would be so proud, but she is not because I don't go every week. This is my girlfriend's family church. The current pastor had been reassigned so it was his last sermon (a bit of a blessing for most people in attendance). He titled his last sermon: transition. At first I was ready to sit in church for another hour or so, playing my favorite childhood games of guess what that person is thinking or count how many tiles are on the ceiling or funny faces with kids; but then I started to relate with what the sermon was about.

The pastor was saying that during a time of transition everybody goes through a grieving period. People are grieving for the loss of something in their lives. Even though the change may be good, the sense of comfort is gone. Change brings different people that you're not used to and with that you lose what you were accustom to (good and bad).

I've held on to that idea because I'm going through many transitions right now. I'm starting a new position in sales coming from customer service. Now I will have to work based on commission and not salary. So I am now responsible for how much I make. That is scary because my attitude towards a job has always been based on the idea of, "they don't pay me enough for that," and now I have to face the fact that I pay myself.

I'm also going back to school. Sounds fun? Well then you pay for it. Its looking like I'll have no federal money. I will have to work full time and go to school in order to pay the massive loans I'm about to take out on top of the ones I owe for going to school the first time. All this to follow a dream I once had. I hope my dreams builds into a reality.

I'm renting my condo back in Georgia while I live in OKC. I just kicked my last tenant out and handed the keys over to property managers I've never met. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that this all goes smoothly.

So with all this change happening at once, I keep getting this pit in my stomach. Some say its gas. I say its a nervous reaction. This isn't the first time I've been nervous about something. I always know in the end that it is for my good in life and that I can step up to any challenge. But it is all still playing a jamboree on my nerves. I guess it just means I am grieving for my lost of comfort. But, what doesn't feel comfortable probably is a good thing (the other lesson I get from this moment).

Shout out to P. Best and Greater Cleaves Baptist Church.