all there is left to do is pray

you heard it before. Drop to your knees in reverence to the Lord pray through the difficult times. A lot of people believe in prayer. Well add me to the list. To be honest, I don't pray that much, nor do I go to church. I've been having issues with the idea and the experiences of church. There is a sense of hopelessness and surrender. They even say surrender to the Lord. But I'm not one to give up so easily. I understand what is being said: putting your trust in the almighty rather than your own ideas or other humans; but I don't like the wording. I'm a competitive person so I like to think that I will always give it my all even if I lose. So let me not surrender to the Lord but ask him to be by my side as I face the many demons of this world. Like, if I was on the battlefield and the enemy has catapults, arrows, and gigantic beasts (for some reason my life battle is set in medeville days) but I have a sword that glows bright from God's wrath and with one blow I destroy a whole army. That's how I want to feel in church. My real issue is probably that I haven't found the right church.

Prayer is very important. Not for the mysterious power of miracles that people believe it possess but because it allows us to believe in ourselves. If you pray continuously for something, speak it to yourself over and over again; you have no reason not to believe. Its simple human nature actually. Think about it. What is the color blue? Its the color that your parents first told you the name of, then your teachers told you the same thing, then your peers agreed with them, so you begin to begin to believe the color is blue. Why, because you heard it over and over again.

So people lets pray. Let's pray to believe in ourselves; believe in good things happening; believe that this is the good life. With that I believe that I will be a great graphic designer. Check my page on Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/54552805@N00/sets/72157606443318136/

i've been told to love hip-hop

i've been asking mad questions lately about hip-hop and whether or not its worth listening to. My conclusion is I'm getting old. Hip-hop has always been about the young people. It is the voice for the youngins and new generation. I remember my hip-hop: the running man, vanilla ice, tmnt the movie, then I grew up with Blackstar, The Roots, Common. All the kids now that love the souljah boi, young bootsie, lil wayne will soon grow up and learn to listen to something more than funky dance music. So in essence, no one has to tell me to love hip-hop. I've been in love with hip-hop. Just because my hip-hop is not the same as yours doesn't mean we have to hate each other. I just love her for different reasons.

home again

brockton is my home and where I learned that... well I didn't learn much except 1+2=3 and i'm still iffy about that. But home is where I need to be at right now. Life in the A isn't all that its cracked out to be. I need a break. Being with fam and people that not only accept me for who I am but know who I am will be comforting. I want to make sure that I'm completely clear about life when I go back. Basically I want to show off: new clothes, new shoes, new attitude. People ask me about life in the A and i'm all about it being "nice!"

"And I don't need no hook for the shiiit!!!" (c) Jay-Z

chicken alfredo, 40hrs, lingerie party

i made chicken alfredo yesterday and it was scrumdumideahlicious. I think I'm getting better with cooking until someone asks me, "How's your cooking?" I can happily say, "No one's thrown up yet." And its always those people that have parents and grandparents that are licensed chefs and can cook their ass off. I feel like you just want to laugh at me when I say I steamed vegetables today. Don't be an asshole.

I've started working 40 hrs a week. Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!! The days are so long. I freaking live at work. Plus I hate most of the people at work for giving me such a hard time on how I talk. So I shut up. Then they say, "What's wrong? You're not talking." YOUUUU BITCH! YOUUU. I'm slowly learning that none of this is worth it. Now to figure out what is worth it.

A lingerie party. I just want to be a fly on the wall. It sounds sexy as hell. That's all.

And yall may not want to believe me but believe me its true.

a love/hate relationship

runners on your mark. Get set. Get out of bed and go running. So I've been running four mornings a week since March. I've gotten faster, stronger, and I go to sleep at 10:30 pm. Nothing else sums up the feeling of this part of my day then the new balance commercial: Love/Hate. I've been dying to get a pair of their shoes ever since I seen it. Its simple and describes everything I feel. Even the red is the exact color I feel while jogging 3 miles. The best thing that has happened is when I started sprinting. Boy I tell you I couldn't finish 3 laps before sprinting. My calves and shins were burning. My lungs were about to explode. Then I started sprinting. When you feel real pain from sprinting everything else is nothing. Now I can lap 3 with ease, sprint 3 and lap again 2 times. Its wonderful.

Now here is the terrible part. I'm outside and I love running outside rather than in the gym because of the constant change of scenery, the ease of running in front of my house and not get in my car to go work out, and it just feels natural. Just me and the road. But because I'm outside there are bugs. Bugs that crawl by your feet, fly into your eyes, your mouth. I just don't understand how there is more than 500 sq. ft. in the area, I take up about 2 sq ft. and a fly takes up .15 sq ft. How the hell does a bug find me and my nose to fly into. It doesn't make sense.

I'm hoping to continue running through the summer so that by my birthday I will have officially brought sexy back. I've lost 5 lbs so far. Not much but I'm only looking to lose about 15. Hopefully that will trim my gut.

assessment

Alright, lets re-assess what I've been doing. I'm "working on my portfolio" means I'm working on getting off the couch and concepting new things. I admit it, it should be done by now. I have no excuse. Bear with me ya'll.

I run 3 miles every morning on the street in front of my house (unless it rains, like today; its a love hate relationship). I also participated in my first walk for something (march of dimes). It was grueling. Atlanta is definitely not a walking city. There was no feeling of neighborhoods and friendly patrons. Just business building after building after highway after abandoned house and one big empty park. I miss Boston summers. I've also changed my eating habits. That means less fast foods and yes I have been eating corn (c) Friday (when Smokey was taking a dump and Eazell caught him).

I'm bitter while going to church. Yeh I'm back at a baptist church and I thought I might find a church buddy from work but I haven't heard from her since the first time we went. I'm bitter because I thought I'd be in a better position right now. I definitely thought I would have more money; based on childhood expectations and recent plans (both are disappointing me). So I'm wondering what the next move is.

I'm going to work now. You can see a youtube video about how I feel about that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ-VONi7ei0
Yeh nuff said.

get busy

Yeh The Legendary Roots Crew is back with Rising Down. I am waiting for the album in the mail like a kid on christmas eve. Meanwhile enjoy the videos.

discipline

that's what life is about. All the times your parents set rules and punishments for you, it was all about discipline. You can't keep your job without it. You don't survive most relationships without it. So that's what I have to learn. I already know about work and social discipline but the hardest challenge is self-discipline. Getting up in the morning to run a mile around the neighborhood, shutting the television off and doing something productive, that's the hardest part.

And I think there is a difference between discipline and self deprecation. When you deprive yourself of certain things you are not in control of the desire, you are just torturing yourself. We all have things we want to do and have the right to do them but we must learn how much we can do these things in a given time. Its not wrong to do anything in this world (except for murder and adultery) so we should be afraid of doing what we want to do. We just have to know when to stop. That may be the hardest thing to learn especially in this world where we see everybody else living lives the way we want to but we have no idea how to do it. Well my friends even the most carefree rich guy has discipline. You may not even have to work hard to get what you want. Just discipline and consistency. That's all it takes.

daylight savings is %$&#ing up my high

I've been tired
I've been sleepy
I've been crouch in my bed from cold of the night

I've been creepy
I've been cranky
I've been fighting with all the peoples cuz something just ain't right

Cuz daylight savings is f_king up my high
Daylight savings, I'm missing an hour of my life
Daylight savings is f_king up my high
Daylight savings got me tired and I don't know why

Sunday Afternoon

I can not stop laughing.

remember that time?

There was a time where I had never touched a cup of liquor. When my comrades and I would sip the little drops of beer left over from my uncle's bottle and grimace from the bitter taste. There were times when people would ask me if I did drugs or alcohol and I would flatly refuse. There were times when I would taste a mix drink and wonder why the hell anyone would take another sip of this burning liquid of engine oil?

Then began the times of when I would feel the sensation of complete irresponsibility. A time where all of my actions could be dismissed in front of any judge and jury. The times when giggling was the only way I could breath for a half hour. The times when I would reach a second dimension and meet my other self who would rebuke me for my intoxication. The times that are most memorable because I don't remember any of it.

Another time is upon us. A time of fellowship. A time of intellectual stimulation. A time of instinctual communication with hormonal sexes.

Dudes Night Out. Part 2
Atlanta, GA

starving artist

i wonder if I have the gonads to be a starving artist. I don't want to be. I want to make art for me, for fun, to release my creative juices. I use it as an escape from this stressful, 9 to 5, alcoholic world.

Lately I've been creating for money and it doesn't feel good. What really feels bad is that I'm not getting any money for it. I'm spending money to create a portfolio that will get me a job that will pay my bills from trying to get a job. Nah that's not what art and creativity is about. I don't mind getting paid for it and I'm by no means one of those crazy artsy people that are too good to make money. I just don't want to create with that kind of pressure. If I have to make money, fine I'll get a job, but when I want to express something I feel I'm not doing it for fame or money. Its for the feeling of release, freedom, voice.

As an artist, you can't stop me from saying what I want to say and that's the beauty of it. America says that there is freedom of speech but we all know that's a bunch of malarkey. Because as soon as I do something they don't like I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me. But under the label of an artist, I can say fck 'em.

I don't want to starve doing art and I don't want my art to starve. I just want to do art and accept donations.

art is sacrifice

so my last video I Am Black History is a salute to Black History Month. I thought of it the last day of February while watching The Roots new video "75 Bars Black's Reconstruction" (its dope, the movie begins). I was trying my best with these old sharpies to write on my skin. One of the pens all of a sudden blow up with out me knowing. My bed gets inked up, ink is all over the pen, I'm thinking damn. I get another pen and finish writing on my self then I walk over to my macbook and ink is splatter all over. This ish is permanent. I got black ink blots on a white macbook. I try to rub it off but no go. The computer still works fine so I leave it alone. Hopefully I'll get used to it soon. All I know I will always remember this video: the day I made a sacrifice for art.

75 Bars Black's Reconstruction by The Roots is the greatest video so far this year. Of course it got me to thinking: man Thought is really using the "N-word" - naked. No I mean nigger. With all the recent backlash for black people still using the word and is it offensive? Most black people that use it say, "we're just turning something bad into something good." I never agreed with that. I understand it but it always felt like a week argument. It's like a girl who was raped and then becomes a pornstar as an adult, it doesn't make it any better.

But The Roots new song gave the word power. I am a nigger. I might be all the niggers he says in the songs or all the nigger stereotypes you know about. No matter what you think, people are scared of niggers (not just whites). Is fear power? No, but power is greater with fear.

And then niggers call each other niggas but white folk can't say it, why? Because its a way to express a nigger's power, "I dare you to call me nigger. I know you made it up, and we use it with each other but if you dare use it in front of me you catching a whooping. That's the kind of power I have." This might not make any sense but when is that ever important when dealing with power (eh hem, cough*Bush*cough).

for the coup des grande sauce

The Boondocks. I love it I love it I love it.

the fam ain't eating cheddar biscuts

what part of the game is that?

I needs my cheddar.

nowhamsayin?

riley's that dude

I'd move. I'm just saying. It's pee.

lets recap

I'm 24, college graduate, in Atlanta, working for the man, writing novels and screenplays.

Where do I want to be in five years?
Married, an author, respected creative, possible comedian, and recovering alcoholic.

I think I can make it happen.

Lately I've wondered whether or not I have a dream. You know what they say about people without dreams: they're worthless (I'm paraphrasing). But people have these dreams to be doctors, lawyers, actors, rich. I realize I have no dream job. I enjoy a lot of things and I'm a hard working man so nothing is too hard for me to do. To me I don't think it matters what job I have. As long as I can provide for a wife and kids I'll be happy.

My dream is to be able to provide for a family.

That doesn't satisfy you. That's fine. Its my dream. I'll get there however I need to.

crack music

i guess writing when you don't feel like writing is a good way to write. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to think about anything. But how can I stop myself from thinking. Especially when lately there is not a lot of people to talk to. I'm just trying to fill the quota for the month here. Nothing special will come of this.

Here's one thing I've thought about: music is way to easy to get with this internet thing. I never get a chance to listen to an album for a month straight. Everyday I download something and it's never a whole album but what artist makes a whole album anymore. Nowadays its all about the singles. But I remember back in the day I would put in a cd on repeat for six hours straight while doing homework or something for a whole month before I would decide to change it. Now with a library of music, I never listen to an album for more than two weeks. Of course I go back to the classics (Aquemini is the greatest album of all time), but new music never gets a listen to. This sucks because there are certain songs on an album from your favorite that you don't get the first couple of times and need to listen to it for a month straight to realize how good it is but you don't because you got a new album to listen to. And what I hate especially, my favorite artists that I still support by buying the album end not getting heard but I feel okay because I still supported. Its like crack, I'm looking for that first initial high from the first album.

I don't know what to make of the music these days, that's why I find myself listen to grown folk music. Can you imagine one day I will have to explain to my grandkids who Michael Jackson is or was? The king of pop. Weird, right?

crazy nights, scary days

the other day I woke up stressed. What's up with that? It was the strangest feeling. All night I was tossing and turning almost fighting myself in my sleep. Then I woke up and I felt as if I had a million and one things to do and not enough time to do it, just stressed. I wonder whats really going on with me. My dreams have become more vivid and strange lately. The other night I dreamed I saved a crackhead's baby from internally bleeding and Whoopi Goldberg was a bartender telling me I did a good job. I don't really like interpreting dreams but I get scared when they get so detailed. Cause I have de-ja-vu often and I believe its from my dreams.

During the day, everything is so routine. I feel like I need something different but I don't know if I'm ready. Just cause you wish for something don't mean you ready. And when you get something you never feel like you're ready. But all in due time, right? The only thing I know about this crazy life is that I don't know anything about this crazy life. These words have been stated over and over again but who still feels the same way, this guy.

happy MLK day

the animal personality test

You're a beaver. Beavers tend to be intellectually busy, always questioning why things are the way they are, and how stuff works. You think logically, and tend to be less emotional. You may be very organized, putting things where you know you'll be able to find them later, or use an "inner filing system" to record experiences. Beavers like to take things apart... and take people apart as well, making them some of the toughest critics. They set high standards for others, and themselves.

In relationships, beavers are advised to avoid the spontaneous, risk taking otter. They don't always understand each other very well. Instead, they are advised to pair up with a laid back Golden Retriever or an adventurous Lion.

AND IF I WERE AN INDIAN...

Your Native American Name Is...

Ahote Kotori Your name means: Restless Screech Owl Spirit

What's Your Native American Name?

why i'll never be white

*disclaimer: I have no ill will toward white people. I am an equal opportunity racists. I hate all kinds of people, even niggers (yes ni-ggers). I just realize why I can't be one of those negros that white people accept into their groups (Oreos).

I can never be white because I circle black on applications.
I can never be white because the law says I'm black.
I can never be white because the police pull me over and ask me, "Do you know where you're going?"

I can never be white because the sun doesn't bruise my skin.
I can never be white because I can't swim very well.
I can never be white because I need lotion to keep me black (I get real ashy).

I can never be white because "Oh my Gawd, Beckyyyy" doesn't come out of my mouth.
I can never be white because I can't speak proper English.
I can never be white because I speak multiple languages that aren't in their dictionary.

I can never be white because I can't wear a t-shirt without an undershirt.
I can never be white because I never wear sandals outside my house.
I can never be white because my jeans need to have room in them.

I can never be white because I'm taught to spend not save.
I can never be white because a Mercedes Benz S-class is something on TV and not in the driveway.
I can never be white because I can go to sleep hungry.

I can never be white because God made me who I am and I'm a black man.

its the profressor

that's what they call me at work now. I don't know if I like it yet. I know I mess around saying I'm old but to call me a professor is admitting to it (not ready for that yet). I ain't even the oldest or know more in the job but I guess I be giving assignments to this people. Nah mean.

Another thing they do is call me bossy. I don't see how. Just because I ask you to do something in a form of a statement and not question does not mean I'm bossy. It has to be done whatever I say right, so why ask. What really gets people is when I tell them what I'm going to do without asking if I can do it. Listen people if I say I'm going to do something and you don't want me to do it, you better have a valid reason why I shouldn't do it or I'm going to do it anyway. And if you don't want me to do it you can tell me not to, my word is not final (yet). But I do what I do and want to do because I dare you to stop me. I demand this life to be lived.

Stop hating and get money my nig!

new years eve

Its the last day of the year 2007 and I've been drinking since last week. Welcome 2008.

Quotes of the Year 2007

January 2007
To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies).

Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.

Februray 2007
I'm a lazy cotton picker.

March 2007
if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.

You would be a horrible hobo.

April 2007
She can get it with a ladder.

... you stopped playing imaginary x-men in the backyard and started kissing Slutty Sherry down the street.

please look at this as the creative juice that flows through my veins (prolly tastes like red kool aid).

Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me

May 2007
Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.

July 2007
The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind.

nuff said.

August 2007
If growing up was hard, being grown is even harder.

a catch 22. Damn if I don't, damn if I can't get a moment of peace.

September 2007
when there is nothing left to say, smack a muthaf_ker in the face.

October 2007
Black people should kill niggas

November 2007
Does shit stink?

December 2007
I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea.

normal guy

nuff said.

untitled poem

a precious thought becomes of us
together under the peeled sun
pressed against the skin of our gala
we are seeds that need love poured on our souls
so we... can feed the nation

death among us

so lately I've noticed a trend. And yes I have a late pass for it. Skulls, especially in hip-hop. Everything is either a skull or in the shape of a skull. I saw the other day a tshirt with colorful monkeys that formed a skull. Seems like every rapper has a skull tattoo or chain. I'm just wondering why is there so much reference to death in this genre. Is it just this genre or is every designer fixated on death.

I thing as people we always focus on death but I just haven't seen it in everyday clothing as much as I see it now. I don't know. Maybe when all my questions get answered this skull phenomenon will have been a sign.

Speaking of death, I think I figured out what I will do with my life if things don't go well in this design biz: funeral director. Think about it if I own a funeral parlor, I'm guaranteed to get paid because everybody dies. That is the one thing you can always depend on. Plus there is no big advertising, just great real estate. Put a parlor in the hood and I'm bound to get business. I'd even hook up the flower arrangements real gangsta like. I just gotta practice on my deeply sincere voice, "I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea."

jesus, I had a dream

i have a lot of dreams but last night's dream seem to mean something. Now I'm not one to think much about dreams because I just believe they are wish fulfillments. Because if we could really dream the future or interpret the future than why aren't half of us psychics by now? Plus anything that I have dreamed before has never come true. I've had some dejavu which I believe were from my dreams but nothing that effected my life.

Anywho, let me get to the dream Jesus. At first I was watching these broke women who I swear were one of my customers at work. But one of them looked homeless and she had a black trash bag full of stuff. She started walking with this bag and quickly got out of my sight.

So then I started walking. While traversing down a street that resembled a street behind my house in Brockton, I noticed a dollar on the ground. I picked it up. I walked a few more feet and saw another dollar. Then I noticed it was a trail of dollars. I started picking them all up. Some were fives, one was a hundred. I was thinking at first this was my lucky day. But then I was thinking is this a setup. Is all this money really that homeless lady's money and she was leading to a trap.

All of a sudden I looked up and there were other people picking up the money. I didn't want to be greedy so I didn't say anything but continued to pick up the money that was around me. I wasn't trying to beat people to every dollar because I felt like this was everyone's to share.

That's it, Jesus. I'm trying to make sense of it. Initial reaction, ya boy about to fall into some money. Great! Maybe a raise, maybe win the lotto (i should play the lotto), maybe a business adventure. I think it might be about business. Because when other people in the dream started getting money I was willing to share. They weren't my partners, more like competition but I felt like everybody could get a piece.

But then I thought, money? Really? Is it that simple? Dreams never are. What if the money represents something else? What if I'm just going to gain something, an emotion, a friend? But I also have to share this thing. What else can you gain and share at the same time, Jesus?

I don't know. Maybe it's time to get back to church.

looking for new music

I stumbled on Mishal Moore. I know its cliche now to discover good music on youtube or myspace but she sounds so soulful. Can't help it. Check her out http://www.myspace.com/mishalmmoore

G are with me?!

I don't know why I feel like writing today. You know I have work to do right? Anywho, feelings right now are all confused (what's new right). I think it's cuz I only have two weeks left of school, that means crunch time. Means all those days I took a break for too long is going to equal many nights of coffee and 3 am hallucinations. Its fun when your eyes start to roll back into your head and you catch yourself like you're actually going to beat the sleepyiness. Or better yet, when you can't seem to stop cuz the red bull got your heart pumping three times faster than it should be and you're scared if you stop it will explode. Its like the ticking bomb on the movie speed, if you drop below 55 wpm its over.

I feel content for y'all that don't know. I'm proud of myself (pat on the back). I've been away from family and dealing with bills and responsibility for over 2 years now and there hasn't been a problem yet. Man, if I was honest with y'all I didn't think I would have made it that day I left my mom's house. I think I had more fear than she did. I didn't expect her to cry that day, but it almost made me feel like I was headed in the right direction. That sounds horrible but I knew I was very dependable on my parents and in order for me to grow I had to leave. Cliche I know, but if I didn't leave I could never be proud of myself. But more is to come and I hope and pray that I can continue to be proud of myself. There's a lot to learn out here. God if you with me, let's do this!

damn girl you got baggage

aint' nothing worst than meeting a girl and you find out she got kids. Like damn a niggga beat me to the punch. Not that I want to be the babydaddy but yeah I wanted to hit that. But now she got baggage including a living being that will never know what a stable fable is. Not to say that there are not a lot of single mothers that raise proud doctors and lawyers but lets be real that few a far between. Its already hard enough for the black man.

But that's just one thing I don't like about the ATL. Women got kids. What am i going to do with your kids? I'm a kid myself. You'll end raising to of 'em. And then the babymommas have a tendency to look at you like, if you were a real man the kids wouldn't matter. Because I'm a man I know not to mess with kids. Girl you on your own with that one.

I don't get it ATL do we not know about condoms down here or are you just doing it way too much. Find another hobby.

Does shit stink?

Think about it. Is it the actual smell that is bothersome or is it the fact that we have been trained to recognize that smell as something awful. We all know that feces can become a problem with diseases and infection so have we as human beings just made a correlation with the smell with something to avoid.

Shit doesn't really stink. Animals smell their own shit and other animals shit in order to identify territory. If the basic human being is an animal than obviously shit doesn't stink. It is just that we categorize the shit smell as bad at an earlier age so now as adults every time we recognize the smell we immediately say, damn that stinks.

what's wrong?

shit you tell me.

You mean I'll never get to see you again.

with the way its going I'm guessing so.

Well what am I supposed to say to that?

i don't know.

Where do we go from here?

are separate ways hopefully.

That's it, separate ways? You're so full of it.

am I?

Shut up. If I never see you again then that's fine. Get the fuck out.

you don't need to be harsh.

You stole my heart.

i'll have it back to you by Friday.

Whatever. Are we done here?

you see me leaving don't you?

That's right, get the fuck out and never come back again. Ignorant fuck.

you just can't get enough of this can you?

Enough of what?

the drama.

Oh I'm all about the drama! You want to see drama?! Drama this bitch!

*shotgun BLAWH!*****

today I hate my job

yesterday not so much, but today, I hate it. There is no sense of trust in that place. You wanna fire me don't setup some elaborate scheme to get me out. Just let me go with two weeks pay. I wish. I can't believe I'm still working there.

On another note. I think the end of the world is coming. No here me out. The other day, the sky was red. Sure the sun was coming up and there was a deep fog that illuminated the red flares but there's more. You know that feeling that things are closing in on you. Things keep happening closer and closer to you: from people on the news to people you know, to people that are your family. Its strange man. I need to brush up on my religion.

Other idea. Laziness pursues me. You get all excited about something. You have brilliant ideas then you get into it and laziness sits by you as you work on your computer in the afternoon. He knows you have all day to work so he asks, "So is this what you are going to do all day?"

Yourself: yeh, I got to finish this.
Lazy: Hmph. Just seems like there could be better things to do.

Yourself: Well it has to be done. If I don't do it now, I'll be tired tomorrow.
Lazy: How do you know that? Its not due tomorrow. So you have time.

Yourself: I don't think you're even listening to me.
Lazy: You're not listening to yourself. C'mon, whats on the tube?

Yourself: Nothing. You know that.
Lazy: Youtube?

Yourself: No.
Lazy: This couch is real nice to take a nap. You look like you need a nap. Lets take a nap and do this stuff later.

Yourself: Man, just leave me be.... This couch is comfortable.
Lazy: Yehhhh, you look a little cold too. Put that blanket over you.

Yourself: Its a little chilly in here. I guess I could lay down and do my work. Maybe I'll just....Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz

3 hours later

Yourself: Damn it!
Hunger: I could go for some pizza right now.

Black People Should Kill Ni$$as

Let's forget about a blackout. Lets forget about a march on Washington. Lets forget about picket signs and arguing and complaining. Lets educate. How about we get together and talk about how we spend our money. How we can change the economy to benefit us. How we can get millions of people out of credit debt. Lets do for self. The Civil Rights is over. The war is done. Lets build.

I'm not wearing black. I'm going to spend my money if I have to. I'm not walking to anywhere just to complain about shit. You know what I'm going to do. Teach my kids how to balance a check book, how to save money, how to make decisions, and how to look for resources. That's my fight. Sorry if it isn't glorious. I'm just part of a quiet storm.

And keep that dumb ni$$a T.I. in jail. I don't care. His ass knew the rules. Its all a scheme for more album sales. Oh it just so happens that his single says, "I still keep that thang." And then he goes to jail for having guns. He's just trying to get his street cred back. Sorry T.I. no sympathy here. You're bougy son. Ya bougy.

Welcome home Genarlow Wilson.

I'm a Rapper

We got players that will do for self, to do for wealth
Some things we got to do in stealth
Like that rak co-Kane flow, But not cocaine though
That Big Daddy, 18th letter of the soul
Pay respects to the legends even if they still breathing
So thanks for the lessons while you wait for new seasons

sleepless

you ever just can't sleep. Toss and turn all you want. You think you know your body, "I love to sleep on my stomach," but that doesn't work. I'll listen to some music only leads you to listening to the whole 90 minutes of the sleep button. Damn another hour awake. You go downstairs, get some tea, warm your belly, back into bed, but nothing. You yawn naturally. You think, "see I want to go to sleep. Go to sleep you stupid body." But nothing. You just sit up and think about things: old things, new things, things that haven't happened, things you expected, things that surprised you, things you wonder if they are true. You think about you long day and how a few hours ago you were passed out on the couch, made your move to bed and now you're stuck being up.

What the hell? I got a long tomorrow. Not a nervous day at all, but I have to start early so staying up all night is not a good look. Its all in my mind. I wonder if stupid people have this problem. I guess I can expect this every once in awhile. Just not tonight though. Not tonight.

what about grace and mercy?

when there is nothing left to say, smack a muthaf_ker in the face. That should be a quote in some movie or something. And then later, when the weaker character is asked a question that he has no answer to, he smacks his friend in the face. It'd be funny. Sometimes though I feel like smack people in the face. Just for asking stupid questions. When I say no, I say no. No one else is going to help, or I at least I'm not going to find anybody else for you. That becomes your job.

I think we as humans need a dose of violence every once in awhile, male and female. That's why we watch these violent movies and play these violent games because this docile life we claim to want is all boring and actually more tense. Think about it. When faced with adversity with someone and you choose not to physically fight them, your stress level sky rockets to a point where you feel like you want to kill someone. Now if you were "allowed" to fight in the first place, your stress would not be as elevated.

It'd be funny if right before a fight announcers (nearby witnesses) would call the fight like the game streetfigher. And after the fight is over everything would go back to normal. Nobody would die but things would get solved quicker.



This is a beautiful interpretation.

update

new money, get money, spend money, its all about the money. I've noticed that a lot of songs out right now in hip hop is all about money. True this is not some revelation, but everybody at once is talking about money. I think that is the main thing about these artist now, follow a trend. A couple years ago it was about booty shaking video girls, now its money. Is hip hop just a form of mimicry that we should appreciate. Not many artists, even conscious rapper, come up with new ideas in rap. Its just the same ol' "let me tell you about my hood and how much money I make."

Anywho, enough about rap. I'm repainting my house. My half bath is gonna be crazy. The color is purple and I got hand towels to match. But the way I'm painting it is amazing. Six inch stripes on three walls that leads to a full wall with a mural. You got it. Fresh.

a day off

Hard days work calls for a day off. Then your day off becomes a hard days work and you are left in a catch 22. Damn if I don't, damn if I can't get a moment of peace. But it'll soon come. Another year is close to an end for me and a day of celebration will commence (this time its more of a weekend). How I should celebrate is the main question? I might be getting too old to go all out drunk at the club, plus there is no definite way home. I have a good idea of what I will be doing and I'm sure the planned activities will be fun but I can't wait to experience the unplanned events.

Speaking of plans. Is it bad to plan ahead? To me if I don't plan then comes bad last minute decisions that lead to regret. Its especially worst with money. But then they say don't count your chickens before they crap on your car (or something like that).

relax yourself

These guys were and are the smoothest sound in hip hop. But they sound like early outkast. I think that's one of the reasons maybe they didn't make it. People always say you biting someone's style but that's pretty much always the case. Its just how much can you hide the fact. Either way, I love these dudes.

old man in the river

Every time I see my parents I think, "Damn I look just like pops." Its true. Day by day I grow into the man that I learned to respect but never liked. The man was hard on us but I've come to find out that he made a lot of important decisions for us, so much respect. But now I'm at an age where I gotta make decisions. I wonder if its going to be the same decisions he had to make and what I should be learning from him. I know now that he doesn't have all the answers. I gotta outsource for the proper knowledge.

If growing up was hard, being grown is even harder.

family sitcoms step your game up

I've figured out how to do a funny family sitcom. You either need a funny stand up comedian who can do more jokes than just about how funny their child was or you need a family in a funny situation. Everybody Loves Raymond is good cuz the parents are crazy and they live next door, Weeds is funny because the mother sells weed to get by in the surburbs, Married W/ Children: c'mon Al was a women's shoe salesman.

I'm speaking of this because House of Payne and The Bill Engvall Show (sp) are not funny. They lack the aforementioned techinques. House of Payne sucks because having your mom being a crackhead and you have to live with your grandparents isn't funny. Its sad and we all hope we never have to face that in life. None of those kids (if they were real kids) will look back in there lives when they grow old and think that was funny how mom was on crack. The Bill Engvall Show is just a normal family doing quorky things. Bill is not a real comedian, just a good story teller. The stories are funny on stand up sure but not in a sitcom.

Basically I'm tired of trying to give these shows a chance and just hope people can be more creative when thinking of a new family sitcom. I mean in real funny family sitcoms you can always go back to the foundation of the show and laugh. Every episode something funny would be happening on top of something already funny. Look at King of Queens: They are a couple living with a crazy father in the basement and Doug is a true comedian in his stand up. So anything that happens can always fall back on the interaction of the crazy Arthur and the Heffernans.

I love great comedy and I should not be denied.

all is forgiven

the pill

They don't sing lullabies about nights like this
The tunes play over and over in your head
As lights blind your direction to clarity
Moments pass as if your sleep is stealing your life
Regrets, afterthoughts, corrections will follow you in your shadow
And as the night draws near to an end
You appreciate those at your side
I hope they understand
I made a mistake.

late night binge

i noticed that late at night when people want to eat all kinds of foods, they look at me with such disdain because I don't want to eat. Sure I'll take a couple of bites of this or that but dive into a full meal, nope not for me. Then comes the question, well are you on a diet? No. I just don't eat late at night. I never have.

Growing up I ate at lunch and at dinner time. Sometimes I might eat at breakfast but not always. If I got hungry late at night, I'll have some tea to warm my stomach and go to bed. The truth is we never had late night snacks. Well maybe crackers or something but thats about it.

The real reason though of why I don't eat at night is because a lesson learned freshman year of college (I think that's when I learned all my lessons).

The Late Night Cafeteria.
It sounded good, especially since I got in late after work and I wasn't physically paying with money because it was on a card that was given to me. I could get chicken wings, fries, pizzas, ice cream, and my favorite: smoothies. It was also a social gathering: you could study with friends, joke around, and meet new people.

But something strange would happen over night. While I slept, the evil of greasy foods would turn in my tummy. There was a war going on and it left me defeated every morning. Because every morning after a late night binge was a trip to the stalls for an explosion of gases and particles that I didn't know came out that end of my anatomy. So I learned quickly, you don't put greasy, delicious foods in your tummy before you go to bed.

Now when I'm out and I see everybody stuffing there face with everything they ordered, I thank God that I won't have to be in their home while the eruption of internal gases leaks under the crevices of the bathroom door. Its just another lesson learned when you're cooking with grease. (may the irony consume you all)

mind sex - Dead Prez

nuff said.

thinking 4000 words a minute

I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now cause right now its all relative. Decisions, decisions, decisions, that's the rest of my life. Full of decisions. What next, what now, who, what so um, I think I should, maybe if I duh, I like pig feet. Next up, time to go to work. Oh work?! Fourteen in the hole last night. "No one is to leave the bank until I get there." Interesting to see where things go from now and they won't even take me anywhere else. I guess I gotta go for the gusto. Hey Gus, my final thought of the day is kill yourself. That's a crazy mess. The future is in your hand and I got the machete, your vote doesn't count. We're all savages, you didn't know that? We just choose to live in a safer environment. The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind. Give me money and it'll all be easier. What's up with product placement. You got a 1:30 min video and spend 5 secs on a camera. I know how to take a picture. A waste of my time. Maybe this blog, maybe my words, maybe television, maybe talking to you. Who knows. Time is like that. A beeatch!

i'm too old for this

The older you get is it harder to make friends for as a male?

I know I'm not that old yet but still can't see myself making a lot more male friends. If I'm looking to make a new friend it is usually gonna be a female and for different reasons than making a male friend. I just can't see myself approaching another dude like hey man lets go grab a beer.

AsayWhatMan?! I'd get knocked out.

I think one of the reasons is that men just don't talk that much. I mean like regular talk, past the how's the weather but not as far as how are you feeling. I guess I'm just not in the right places to make a new male friend. If I had to do a job or something with a dude I could see us chillin afterwards or something but other than that, I'm not going out to meet new males. And in Atlanta that's very dangerous. I might end up as some guys play toy.

Poems by G

Yeh, so, I think I'm a poet. I'm rummaging through my old things on a lazy Sunday and I realize I wrote a lot of poems and rhymes between high school to sophomore year in college. So I share some with you.

I remember why I first started to write poetry, to get girls of course! It's how I got my first 3 girlfriends I believe. It wasn't my first poem though. The first one I ever wrote was in 3rd grade. It was an assignment. I wrote about batman. It was good but I can't remember it. It had to do with the man of the night.

I wrote a lot poems about love, fantasies, girls I was mad at because they didn't show me no love then post it online for everybody to see and then get calls from people like how could you do this. Whoa, flashback.

Poems are still a good creative release. Enjoy, snap your fingers, and drink some coffee.

Tainted

Brown eyes flooded with the blood of despair
Can not recognize the color of her heart
When tears fall they stain the glass mirrors
And burn holes through the sheets that hide her from the world
As she sleeps, songs of the sea calms her soul
Until she realizes she's alone and violent rage drowns her emotions
External bliss as she smiles, only for a moment
Melts the thin ice surrounding her heart
Forging crystal figurines through fire
Locked in titanium steel vaults with no lock and key
Growing by the day but still a girl inside cries
While it lies on broken glass, one inch from its death
Wearing a crown of hope for the prince to arrive
But the dragon is her protection
As she speaks, her eyes scream for help
Her touch grabs my soul and demands me never to let go
She disappears as darkness comes upon my eyes
The only thing left is the cold mist from her breath
Shaping into her first facial expression of when I said,
I love you

Please Post A Reply

Can I get some replies
Oh why oh why must a poem die
When not recognized
By wise guys with time
To develop their inner mind
By reading these lines
With one breath that can define
The great track of time
Revealed to the blind
Beloved by few that can claim as mine
Become a legend when betrayed through written crime
Oh why, oh why
Must my poem die
You speak a word of truth or please me with lies
Read words critically and try to criticize
So I can live my ways free and circumcised
Reword the words I say so I to realize
What emotions inside are truly my demise
I shall close my eyes
And when I open up wide
I want to see cries of "whoa" and "that's tight"
Oh try, oh try
Don't let this poem die
You've been given a piece of me you must water with your replies
Listen to my demand as I sigh
From uppin my own poem from the bottom of the pile

Broadcast

Listening to the jams on the radio
Head gassed, holla shorty and all I get is hell no
Seems like every story they sing isn't my reality
Are you feeling me
Or is your head still bouncing to the beat
They say I'll be your everything
But you say I'm just a friend
If I could turn back the hands of time you would be mine again
I can't feel on your booty-yes its-licious
But that baby mama drama got you acting malicious
After saying your name you want me to pay your bills
Misunderstanding songs of Lauryn Hill
Can you be my down ass bitch
Say I'm not offensive till you defending from me putting you down ass bitch
I wanna take a long walk
But end up finger fucking in the park
Cuz its the only time we think no ones watching in the dark
I got bruises from being down on my knees
Its not from begging please
Its because I saw them hotel fees
Just freeze, if you need the ice
The heat will never come on if you looking nice
Won't you be my girlfriend
So I can write another song because you're gone
Then so long, get your bags and get the hell on
It's over now, yet I still scream for peaches and cream
Too many years of broadcasting fantasies
Has turned my reality into a Hip hop melody
The perfect girl is not in Destiny's world
And success is not a 2 million dollar chain with a alligator vest
I must contest the way this game is being played
Making a ripple in the lake bu trying to make a wave

wheat thins help you stay regular

it's important. But its also important to change things up a little. Take a risk, do the unsafe thing. Fear is just an emotion. You know those days when you choose to be unhappy, when you don't feel like talking to nobody? Fear is the same thing. You can choose not to be afraid of what will happen next.

I remember I had a fear of heights and spiders when I was young (I still kinda do). But I got over it. You know how? I got on the tallest balance beam at the park and jumped off. I stared down a spider and killed it with a shoe. Simple as that. You gotta take over your fears. A lot has to do with God as well. People always talk about they trust in God but ask them to take a risk in their life and they won't. They'll say its stupid, unsafe, and God wouldn't approve. But God was there with every other mistake you made what makes you think that when you make a conscious decision He won't continue to be there?

Don't be scared.

water, water, everywhere

glistening, sparkling, trembling, purifying
while the world breathes in the fumes of savagery and chaos
the liquids seep there way into the crevices of inner thought
relaxation takes upon us only for the blinking moment of peace
but tranquility lies in the pastures beyond our gardens
the dew drips down tall blades of flourish
reaching to heavens before the trampling steps of mankind war upon each other
a cool sense of freedom is all that we hope for
as our lips chap to the regrets of pursuit for unconditional love
its life is made to resurrect the death of millions of lost souls
water is for the movement of people.

===========================

So I started drinking water now. A real penny saver. I figure since moms got the beaties I should watch my sugar and salt intake. It only makes sense. She got to drink water only now. Think about after almost 50 years of drinking juice, coffee, soda, sweet gold she's forced to drink water. That's gotta be hard to get used to. So I practice now. We got to learn people or we fall into the same trap as before.

Hopefully I'll lose some weight and then I'll start exercising again. I know what you are thinking, I should do the workout thing right now. I've tried, but what's the point if I'm eating Hardees hamburgers every week (them things are the devil, oh so good). So this time around I'm trying to learn how to eat. No its not a diet, it's a cut back. Cut back on juice, sugar, bread, beer, eating till I'm full. I think I grew the size of my stomach during the discovery of 3.99/lb chinese buffet (if Hardees is the devil, Chinese buffet is his demon son, crab ragoons are so good). I also gotta cut back on eating out and start cooking again. Chef Ya boyz-a-G is back in the kitchen feeling like G. Garvin himself ( I can't wait till I get my own pepper mill). I'm not too bad. I made some pasta with cheese and grilled chicken tenders that was so good, I almost kicked myself. Ladies watch out, I'm becoming the perfect husband (but you still need to know how to cook yourself).

Oh you know what I'm feeling, Kanye West's Can't Tell Me Nothing


Wait till I get my money right. Then you can't tell me nothing. That's how I feel right now. I just got quicken and I'm budgeting, planning, analyzing all of my finances. Oh I ain't rich yet but wait till I get my money right.

keep it moving

In life you'll come to a stand still. Bump it, a stand off. Its just you and your arch nemesis staring at each other with equal ammunition and skill. Who will win? Well you must win because its your life. This is just not a bump in the road or fork in the path. This is the decision to continue on the path. There is always the option of stopping and smelling the roses but what if there is some African wild flower that eats you whole? Do you really want to stop at all?

You have to face your opponent with full force. Keep him from seeing what your move is going to be. Sure he knows exactly who you are. This is what makes him different from every other obstacle you've faced. He knows your favorite weapon, how you like to shoot it, and how fast you can use it. What you gotta do is hit him with something he'll never expect. Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.

me without you

I think of you only to pass the time spent away from you
I wait for you while the phone never rings
I answer to your voice but only my spirit speaks to your emotions
Its what I do to live day to day without your breath dancing down my chest

in a perfect world

what would we do with a perfect world
no violence, no hatred, no competition
no classes, no racism, no religious warfare

I believe we would miss out on a lot. There might be no love, no desire, no motivation. Face all the things wrong in the world is a necessary evil for all the things right. If we didn't fight for what we love than would we love anything. Think about it. When was the last time you had some food that you been dying for all day and when you get to someone else wanted a piece? You would damn near kill that person for trying to touch it. All the bad things in the world are done for love. Sometimes its too much love so it leads to senseless violence. Like if you love yourself too much you can go crazy if something bad happens. So nowadays when a see some crazy fool shooting up people for apparently no reason, I know its just for something he loved too much. Its just a part of life. No surprise. No wondering if one day we won't see it again. Its just life. It comes and it goes. Live it to the fullest.

Liquor and Me

Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me

In the Dark

In the dark I lay with hands folded behind my head
Wishing of time and moment
Thinking of minds and tongues
That hang out like dogs when things get heated
Scratches and bruises appear at the front of ones chest
As women make sounds of broken brakes
And men beat there chest for supremacy

In the dark I lay hands together under cheek
Wishing of death to live
Thinking of Christ and Gentiles
His life beaten like a crumpled weed in the masters garden
Grown out of place with the same color and function
A sore in the gardener's eyes, a symbol of imperfection
The desecration of a single stem began the roots of the many seeds
Harmless in the wind, injecting into gardens across the valleys

In the dark I lay hands apart, palms down
Wishing for love
Thinking of hate
She got away, so let her go, maybe I should call her tomorrow
This love can't be blind, I just need glasses
Better yet contacts to win the social perspective
For if they think I'm cute then who can resist me, right?
She'll be mine again, I'll lock her away with my love
Now, which club should I hit up tomorrow

In the dark I lay one hand under my side the other hanging
Wishing for chocolate cake with white frosting
thinking of the difference tween you and I
Separated by hate and no one really knows why
Abandoned and forgotten of who died on both sides
We want forty acres and a mule and they want to live in peace
Covered in sheets holding onto our necks with one leash
Their faces are as colored as ours

In the dark I lay one hand against the wall the other across my chest
Wishing of her
Thinking of sex
"How I love thee let me count the ways" is that how it went?
Or shall I quote Shakespeare as I rub her back with the tip of my dick
Freaky shit that can never exist
But venture into my mind to see how freaky I can be

In the dark I lay one hand under my head the other on my ass
Wishing for acceptance
Thinking denial
Rejection, low self esteem and lack of confidence imprison my rhyme
Today someone said I was stupid and I replied with nothing
Maybe it was more, displaying a mask of untarnished grins and laughs
A quick wit to return the favor
And so it goes on, till next time the little boy is lashed with a whip

In the dark I lay my hands are gone
There's nothing to hold
Its's time to let go
Dive into the deep realm of my imagination
Create infinite dreams of wish fulfillment
Light appears to reveal the lost sense of control
No one to move me...
No one speaks...
...
...
...
*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep (alarm clock)

truth on self

Today is another one of those days you wake up and feel like nothing is on television, nothing is in the fridge to eat, nothing is worth doing before you go back to be a slave for the man. But since you are up for the day, you might as well breathe and get through it. Maybe someone will make you smile today, but for most of the day you will be day dreaming about a different place in time where you'll be happy and productive.

Crazy thing is, I gots things to do but to lift myself up to do it is a different story. Motivation. Inspiration. Dedication. Drive. The characteristics I'm lacking at this moment. Another one is confidence. I wish I learned these things somewhere in life. I wonder where I missed out on it. I played sports and I wasn't bad, I have good genes to be a athlete but what I lacked was confidence. Without that I didn't think my body could do the things I know I could do because every once in awhile I'd jump so high, run so fast, move so effortlessly.

Where do people learn certain characteristic. I mean I grew up in the same household as my brothers and yet we are all different. It must be in our social lives. I was quiet so I didn't hang out with people that could boost my confidence. But I could play both sides though. People generally like me after I get to know them. Still, I wonder when I lost my chance to be so confident. I guess its just not in me. I have to build my confidence everyday. Stand up to this person, talk to this girl, smile at a stranger. You know for years I would pass by cute girls and not make eye contact. It scared me half to death. I remember a time in the hallway of high school. Nobody there but a cute girl looking at me as she passed by. She smiled. I threw my head down and looked away. Such a shame. And what I've figured out is that there is nothing to be scared about. Everybody is the same. Everybody has self esteem issues. Everybody is scared. Everybody is as unsure as I am. So why do I find myself thinking differently.

I got the skully to face

M to da A to da S to da K
Put the mask on da face just to make the next day (c)Fuggees

You know how you meet some people on the fly. You don't really get to know them but you see them every once in awhile and chat it up about nothing important. This person can be young or old but for some reason you feel like they're alright. Not trust them with the kids alright but not afraid to eat lunch with them one day. But then time goes by and you start to see who they are, what they do but this is not from talking, just from seeing them working at WalMart, walking to the bus stop, never seeing any kids or wife.

So I start to thinking. He's a general nice guy but what happened? Why hasn't he made anything of himself? Do I see some part of me in him? If so will I end up like him? Nice guy but has nothing going for himself, just barely making the bills. Was there a mistake somewhere in life? Was he just not that smart in school or lacked potential? How do I make sure I don't end up like him? Should I sit down with him and find out everything about him so that I can do something different? Or should I find the people are making something of themselves and learn from them? The latter makes more sense but how many times am I going to see that kind of person on the street or train. Bump that what about the hobos, where did they go wrong?

Side note: I was chillin with a friend pumping gas and she decides to clean the windows and does a horrible job. To this I reply, "You would be a horrible hobo." And showed her how to properly wipe a windshield. All I know is I got a job if I got no job. Ya feel me. Is this a sign? If it is, by the end of that year I'll have a team of hobos cleaning up windshields and making bank. I'll prolly end up having to wage war with the westside hobos and take their change begging game. By the next year, I'll own half of the hobo industry in Atlanta only to be recruited as CEO of Coca Cola because I've hurt their short change bottle products. I'll miss my hobo franchise.

territory

dogs piss on theirs. There have been plenty of wars over some. Gang violence is all because of it. White people have figured out that's all you need to make big bucks in this world.

My territory is small, yet it is still mine. That spot on the couch, the drivers seat, my favorite spinning chair, my cellphone. All of it I will die for because every other animal will kill for it.

To keep it short, if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.

what I'm watching

derrickcomedy.com
He's being real original and I like that. He's hilarious. Some of it is hit or miss but when he gets it, its gold. Watch out for him.




Happyslip.com
Ain't she beautiful. Go-lee, wow. She's entertaining. Not hilarious, but very honest to her craft. Much respect.



I.
Very interesting concept. They are still actors but it makes you wonder how far is big brother from invading our homes. And will we give in to it?

we have met the enemy.

And his name is I. You can be your own worst enemy sometimes. Everyone has potential and talent but for us to believe in our own selfs is harder than the rejection we fear. There almost is no rejection. If someone says no, that just means there is another way to get a yes. But most of us don't have any idea how to get the yes, so we don't try. If only I try. The more I try the better I would get. But lets be real, I'm a lazy cotton picker (a cotton picker is a slave and I believe I would have been the worst slave ever. I wouldn't have been rebellious but just lazy. I would pick just enough cotton to get by and not get beat by master).
So right now I'm procastinating. I have too much work to do so I figure I watch youtube and write in my blog. You might want to hear a story but I got nothing. Even if I did I wouldn't remember to tell you. I have a couple of ideas for youtube. I have to edit my video with my new crazy fast Mac and then its on like popcorn. They say there aren't enough black people on youtube. Who cares. I just want entertainment. Anyways black people don't have enought money to get a mac, a video camera, and free time to edit and post. So I write until I find a lucky pot of stolen credit cards and charge my life away.

I'm a .Mac

yeh son I got MacBook now homey. I'm stylin' on you. Please no strikes to the face. You know what this means, I'm finally gonna be able to... to... well nothing new but now I'm stylin on you. I got the white one is that racists. Should I have supported my race by purchasing the black affirmintive action MacBook. Oh well, I can see better in the dark with the white one. I only have to get used to the small keyboard. My wrist are already hurting from just typing this. But guest what I'm stylin' on you. I know you mad.

Thanks St. Valentine. Thanks a lot.

The day before valentines is always interesting. Tommorrow won't be any different than today except for the fact that every guy is running around trying to snatch up the last valentines card, the last box of chocolates, the last teddy bear so that their women won't be mad tommorrow. But after the gift giving and the hopeful chance of gettin' some, the day after tommorrow won't be any different than today. So you have to wonder what valentines day will be like when you are old and gray. If you are still in love than the little's thing like a heart shaped figurian will excite your companion because this day will have come and gone so many times that nothing will matter any more. But still you must participate in some way on this day because James Brown was right, this world would be nothing without a woman. So men, do your job and give a lady a valentines. She don't have to be your girlfriend or buddy(ATCQ). Just make sure every girl is appreciated tommorrow.

So to all the ladies, g smooth says, "hi".

untitled thought

Freeze.
And let the thought inside consume your only soul you'll ever hold in control of this world.
Let it go.
So that in return the glorious sufferage will be what we were made for.
Take heed.
When its over, you shall be great.

hi my name is... and moms love me

so I'm at work. Tired. Who isn't tired at work? I want to find a decent job that I don't end up tired by the end of the day. Where I don't feel like I have to take a nap as soon as a I get home. And I'm tired of having to go to work complaining that I'm going to work. Damn it, it has to be done, so why do I have to remind myself I hate the place (that and getting out of bed in the morning).

so anyways I'm at work. Customer service type job. My deal is get them in get them out. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer from. But every once in a while someone puts a smile to my face. Anywho, a woman walks up to my station, "hey how are you doing?"

"Fine, how are you?"

"Good. Are you married?"

my thoughts (what the hell do I looked married? I look mad young)
"No I'm not married"

"Well I have a daughter that..."

my thoughts (wait is moms trying to hook me up with her daughter?)

"...could be interested in meeting you."

my thoughts (yup, moms is pimp)

After I told her my age, she said I was too young ("Aww you're a baby"). But I realize that moms love me. Maybe they recognize what young women fail to see, a good man. But I wonder what if I wasn't too young and she did try to hook me up with her daughter, how strange would that be? What if I played the girl and then moms gonna come down on me and all? Or worse what if she was ugly? What if I never told my age and I got with the older chick? Why she so old without a man and her moms gotta hook her up?

The answer to all these questions matter not because I got 8 chicken wings for 79 cents at the farmers market. They weren't all that good but hey who can beat that deal?

My name is... and I love chicken.

what's up about nothing

I think I take a different kind of look at life. To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies). In order to counteract this feeling I try to help as many people as I can but then that back fires. There is only so much I can help sometimes and then I want to get my shotgun and shoot somebody.

What I really wish was that I was a samuari or a ninja, you know Asians with honor. You descrase your family, you kill yourself; you have one too many babies, you kill one of them; you go to school to learn, you actually learn something, or you kill yourself. Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.

things that make me laugh

- jiggling fat people
- ignant ass people
- jello
- adult swim commercials with the funny faces (they scare me too)
- Bender
- Demitri Martin
- lots and lots of liquor
- monkeys (its been researched and proven)
- things that go boing
- a monkey with a wrench (monkeywrench get it?)
- white wanna be rappers (king of the burbs on the white rapper show)
- little kids that fall down or run into things (if you don't laugh they'll cry)

UPDATE COMING SOON...

dreaming of the amazon

forget this, I'm moving to brazil. I'm going to live off the amazon river trading goods with the locals on my boat. I'll find me a nice brazilian woman that knows nothing about a Halle Berry or a Paris Hilton or a Will Smith. All she will know is how to make a living by painting on ceramic vases and blank canvas. And she'll make love to me and only me and think of nothing better. The music we will love will be the chorus of our children running around as the river caresses the boat. At night when we pass through pirate infested waters my family will recognize me as the brave warrior who shows no mercy to those that intefere with our lives. My wife will sleep comfortablely in my arms at night, knowing that I am her protector and she is the precious treasure in my life that I will kill and survive for.

That's what I'll do. Leave all of the foolishness behind and go back to being a man. No desire for riches and gold, no want for anything better than a delicious meal. Bills, who needs them? Expenses, for what? A budget, get the flup outta here. Now if I can just save enough money to get a first class airplane ticket.

and now a moment with g smooth

g smooth on thick chicks:
"They can get it"

g smooth on older women:
"They can get it too"

g smooth on taller women:
"They can get it with a ladder"

g smooth on women with reading glasses:
"I'll throw a book at them and they can get it"

g smooth on women with kids:
"They can get it, but keep the kids at home"

g smooth on women that talk to much:
"They can get it in the mouth"

g smooth on women with an attitude:
"They can get it. Beeahtch!"

g smooth on commitment:
"She won't get it, she never will"

in the spirit of things

Happy holidays yall. Unless you brave to go against the government, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, throw in a Kwanzza because of affirmitive action. Holidays have been reduced down to one thing, being with family. This year I got no gift, I didn't want one. Just being at home with the folk that first loved was gift enough. This year actually was for the new generation, the grandkids. Oh how their little minds are blank slates ready to be filled with whatever crap we tell them only later to have that slab broken into pieces and reconstructed leaving gaps of forgotten information.

Excuse me.

So I had fun at home and now I'm back to the living dead called a job and bills to pay. Besides being able to do my job in my sleep, literally, I find nothing interesting in life anymore. This sucks. So for 2007 things will be different. Don't know how yet but that's the fun part of life: doing things that you have no idea how it will turn out.

The Find

While searching for the most of the most, the most will not see what most have already found. In search of the find.

untitled thought

I feel like saying something so meaningful, so important that it shakes the very steps of every politician, every right winged, left winged, democratic, republican, every man that shares the air on this earth, every woman the births into the this world another being of hate, love, tragedy, success. I want to say something powerful, but all I have to say is... what's a ni**a gotta do to get some food around here?

yo whats up

what's up with people telling their whole life story when they need something from you. And then they say, well this is between me and you. Well player I never wanted to know in the first place, so how come all of a sudden I have to hold a secret. That's not fair. I really don't care what happened, what the hell do you want? It seems to me like they want to sugarcoat the whole asking process. Don't mess around with me, you need something say it.

something interesting I heard a couple of days ago. Basketball and football are hood sports. Really?! I ended up agreeing with the person because, unfortunately its true. Black people are great at sports because we were bred to be but now its a way out of the hood, so many people in the hood play it everywhere. So what are the odds of my future son playing for a professional team, slim to none (unless lisa leslie is looking to have some babies). But there are other sports like tennis, golf, pool. They are still considered white sports but still atheletic therefore any black kid would dominate the game meaning: scholarships galore baby. That's right I won't have to pay a cent for my kids' college. We have to think ahead black people. Sure basketball and football are great sports (eh hem, THE greatests sports), but if your kid can run real fast, try putting a racket in his hands and see if he can hit a ball at the same time. Might be a good investment.

now let me break something down so that it will forever be broke (Love Jones). Why all of a sudden I'm the worst guy in the world because I didn't want to be with a couple of girls. I didn't even date them, there was no relationship (which I made very clear) but now I'm considered one of the bad guys. Listen, I like what I like when I like what I see. And if I don't see you in my near or distance future, you're just a for now girl. No strings, no emotion just kick it with me for a while and move on when I don't call you no more. To tell you the truth... wait a minute I could tell you the truth about yourself and the reason why you just a for now girl but I don't need all that noise afterwards. And I'm not saying I'm God's gift to man (well maybe to one special lady) cause there is a lot of things wrong with me, but I don't need the things wrong with you becoming my problem. Ya feel me. So ease back, relax, and........... Let it burnnnnnnnnnn. (Usher)

I hate youuuu
I hate youuuuu
I hate youuuuuu
You're cool.....
I hate you and I'm out! (Half Baked)

Cruisin' Like I'm Grown and Sexy

I was on a cruise a couple of weeks ago with the coolest people on the cruise boat. Disclaimer, the cruise was filled with old white people. Either way I had fun. Lots of fun. So much fun I'm now physically tired from the vacation. That and now I realize I have a lot of work to catch up on. A lot. I wish I was back on the boat everyday playing Uno at 3 a.m. That's right, there will never be a time like that here in ATL unless if I'm doing a project for school.

My greatess realization on this cruise is that I need to hang out with college graduates. Something about these type of people make me feel comfortable and urge me to continue in the reach for success. Graduates are like everybody else, probably party harder than anybody else but occassionally you will find us in a conversation with some substance and meaning. Not neccessarily intellectual, but definitely worth dicussing. There is nothing like meeting another college graduate because I feel like there are on my level and won't be labelled as stuck up or boogie. All and all I love people with some thought and at the same time love to have fun. To every other type of person I meet, good luck on trying to be associated with me.

Here are some pics:

Passing Bye

beautiful eyes, beautiful smile
beautiful walk, beautiful talk
you're beautiful but don't want to hear it
you see it coming from a mile away
taste it in the back of your throat
you almost choke, gag reflex from it all

so when i step up, there is no room for failure
can't express the girl i imagine you to be
the misuse of confidence can lead to the ignorance of your heart
will i lose it all before the touch of your soul
that i can't control but looking into your eyes is all i own
along with a smile

you're young, the sparkle of an unwritten future blinks on your eye
the idea of me included in your after thoughts is a dream
i can't wait to close my eyes and feel you inside
so let me tell you exactly how i wish this first meeting to end
to leave you with the thought that i was nice
and wouldn't mine saying hello again

Trapped

When you stepped out of bed this morning you didn't think you would find yourself here did you? Didn't think you would be trapped in a state of mind where nothing seems real but everything feels like the scorching pain you get when you remind yourself of the furture. Well now you are here. You have nothing else to face but what's in front you. Can you handle it? Oh you want to look at like you have some heart left? Jam this into your heart. There is no way out. You are too scared to end it and too weak to fight it. What you want to be over soon will last longer than you can possibly believe and you will feel every last emotion this sick and twisted world has to offer. You can't wait till you're on the other side can you? It'll soon come, till then this is life. Enjoy.

(untitled)

if I can just interject. Wet willies are real!!! That means nothing to a lot of you I know but who cares. Cuz really do I ever make sense. I'm at work today staring into nothingness and secretly typing that the worst place I'm ever wasted time is right here at work. It sucks. Damn women keep cussing me out I'm a have to slap a trick.
Moving on. Music is big to me but I have nothing new. But guess what? I got a new stereo in my room. Now I can listen to my favorite tunes in the morning.
(Thoughts are incomplete)

put another 45lb plate on that side

I'm back in the gym you lazy bums. Yeh I'm talking to you, internet browser. As you sit in front of the screen veggitating and slowly dying as you soul is sucked through your usb port, I was at the gym. Pumping iron, feeling like a man, feeling accomplished, feeling young again. I'm back in business baby. I just need a routine, so if anybody knows of one holla. I'm trying to get bigger and more defined.

The most fun about the gym is the 20 min. of cardio. It starts of easy and I think I can do this all day. Then five minutes roll by and I start breathing heavy (ah oh). Sweat starts running down my face. I huffing and puffing but all I can think of is where I used to be doing the same kind of exercise. For instance when I'm running on the treadmill I think of the espinage I used to run in Boston. The Charles River to my left, the skyline, the Mass Bridge, all beautiful at night. Today I was on the bike and I thought of when I used to ride a bike to get everywhere. The most fun was playing tag in the woods. Pedaling as fast as I can to get away or catch someone, that was fun. Next thing you know my 20 minutes are up and I have to cool down. I call it my way home.

Peace to BU and the rock. Always in my foundation.

generation to generation

What I just realized the other day scares me. I may not be able to teach my kids everything I want. Think about it. As I grow older I realized there are things my parents didn't tell me about. Did they want me to figure it out on my own or was it that they didn't have time. For instances, they never taught me how to handle money, get a job, or any responsibility outside of school. Were they sure that school would get me everything I need in life (sadly I'm finding out academics is not the only thing in life to learn). How come pops never had talks with me about paying bills or having business ventures? Answer: the man was too tired. Working hard to pay the bills, fixing a house, fixing a car and then he was suppose to have one on one time with me. Man when I come home now, I don't want to do nothing but sleep. Imagine when I have kids. I'm not going to think about going home to teach a kid another lesson in life. All I want to do is rest. And that sucks. There is so much I want to teach my kids but I may just wind trying to make sure they are disciplined and well behaved (which is even harder). Well all I can say to my future kids is good luck. Life is never easy.

spoken

Say something powerful
Say something meaningful
Say something the kids will won't to hear and listen to
So that one day when they start to understand the meaning of all this
What you said made sense.

When you say it,
Say it with a base in your voice
Say it with a slick metaphor
Say it with a cool rhyme that's on time and oh so fine
Cuz the only way the people will listen is if there is a melody to it.
And if they don't get it at least they enjoyed it.

Right before you say what you're gonna say
Sit down and say it to yourself
Make you the audience of your mind
And if what is coming out is bullspit, take it out
Say it till you get it right

Because one day you'll have to tell the world.
One day they'll all look back at you for the answer
One day you will stand from an urge deep inside your knees
One day you'll be in front of the microphone with a pair of ears on each head
Yearning for your voice.

Speak the truth
Speak your mind
Speak from your grandma's soul
Speak from the depth of the place where you're afraid to go
Speak until you're cold and graved in bed

And when you've spoke, walk up to the little boy
Ask him did you remember what I said
If the answer is yes, then you may proceed to your death
But if no, you must kiss him on the head.
May God bless his soul through the eternity he faces ahead.

a birthday hardly remembered but never forgotten

Peace and love to all who were with me for another year of this life. I appreciate all your messages, calls and good times. Thank you for your support and encouragement as I make my way through this jungle of a world.

Now that is out the way. Birthday night was something else this year. No details here. If you know me, I told you, if I didn't tell you, you can guess. To all of yall that didn't call or leave a message = bums. I had fun though, morning after was horrible but its all worth it because the night before will always be remembered with a smile.

I'm a wild boy and thats all I can say. Peace.

Oh my.

First and formost, rest in piece to Steve Erwin. He lived and died like a soldier. I think his death was proper. Straight through the heart so no chance of pain or bloody mishaps. It begs the question whether or not we all are willing to die for what we do. Steve put his life in danger everyday to teach and entertain the world. No one else dare do this but he did because he loved what he did. Do you love what you do? Would you take a bullet for what you do? I know what you are saying, man I work at a desk and yes I enjoy it but there is no chance of harm unless a stapler back fires and hits me in the eye. True but what if one day you had to stand up for what you believe in at your job. Would you be willing to risk it all for that belief?

All I'm saying is, stay away from sting rays unless you're prepared to take one through the heart if you are so lucky.