Annihilation

I'm not scared to admit it. I suck at Madden Football. I can't score because of interceptions and I can't tackle. But something in me won't quit. See I can't play for fun. Everything is a competition. Every game is a test of my manhood. If I don't win what will I tell my kids in the future?
I know I should just reduce the difficulty level and work my way up but I'm too stubborn to submit. What I've learned from the mistake on the virtual field is that I don't make good split second decisions. This is good to know because I try to stay away from impulse decisions in real life.
See me in an action adventure and i'll terrorize you.
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The bigger the better?

So my place of employment is filled with overweight people. I'm not using the term overweight in its recent definition for american society as a whole but in the meaning of 300+ lbs, need two seats to sit, and have a hard time deciding how to fit through tight spaces. This scares me.

I'm not scare that if we ever get trapped in the building these people would begin to look at me as a side on their dinner plate. I'm scared because I wonder if it is the job that is making them this fat or is this job more likely to hire them with these conditions. Either way I'm screwed. Seeing this many obese people might make me find it comfortable and accepting to have a second helping of twinkies.

I know I'm being pretty rude. Given the choice I know these people would choose an easier life but because of emotions and low metabolisms they suffer. But I just can't shake the feeling that I now must study them. I think I'm supposed to learn something from them.

I'll try to let you know what I discover.
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America the great

I'm riding on the freeway this morning. I'm on my way to work. I pull up behind a Ford Chevelot that has three Mexicans in the bed of the truck. I decide to ride behind them for a mile or two as I watch two of them sleep and one of them sitting high above the truck just looking around.

All I can think of is that, "we all have to go to work. " then I start to wonder how life must be different for them here : more job opportunities, not having to learn english to get by, not enough clubs catered to them. But we all got to work to survive. They don't like waking up so early for their job just as much as me. So why are people so angry at them being here?
I decide to end tailgating the Mexican trolley and roll past the drivers side. I expected to see same hick town, redneck driving whom I would judge immediately for hating on illegals when he has a bunch of them in the back.

But no.

Its a bigger Mexican. And on the side of the truck, in red, white, and blue the logo reads: American Services.

I almost crashed from laughing so hard. Oh the irony.
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Trust me it aint easy

Trust is a terrible thing to lose. Especially when you in love or you've loved a person for so long that you don't expect to lose it (like family). Unfortunately I've lost trust in a lot of people in these last years. Some folks just aren't proving to be the person you thought they were or they said they word.

And its okay if you change your mind about a belief or behavior but if I depended on you in the beginning to do something and you change that then I can't trust you to do that thing anymore.
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its all good

so I guess I need to speak on what I've actually been doing this month. I haven't said nothing about my new tenant, my road trip to OKC, my birthday, my girlfriend, my new job, and the changing dynamic with my parents (that's a whole lot. I'm pretty sure I won't get to all of it).

New Guy
Thankfully, I found a new tenant for my GA home before I left. He seemed like a cool dude and would fit into the dynamic of the house. He met everyone else and he just seemed to fit. I don't know how else to put it. I was surprise to get anyone to take my room. At first I just felt, well this whole move might just work.

Day of the move
The plan was: stay up all night the night before, get to the uhaul early in the morning, pack, sleep in the afternoon, leave by midnight. What happened was: its raining cats, dogs, tigers, bears, monkeys (not a good way to pack all your furniture); try to wait out the rain while sleeping in my car at the uhaul for a couple of hours but the rain wouldn't let up; packed in the rain; slept for three hours; couldn't go back to sleep; prayed my heart out before I left; hit the road at midnight.

Road Trip!
I thought I could handle it. I did ten hours before to Miami. It couldn't be bad, right? I lost my youth. What was supposed to be a thirteen hour became a fifteen hour trip. No man should drink the amount of Red Bull as I did. I ended up stopping to pee more than getting gas. My car went through so many bumps that the car alarm sounded with ever bump. Now I swear it goes off randomly. I've never been on one road for so long (six hours). I thought I would die. But I made it. I unpacked (barely). And we here.

My Boo.
She black, people, okay?! I know she from Oklahoma and its the Midwest and its the red state of all red states, but I got me a strong black, beautiful woman. That's all you need to know.

Jay Oh Bee (c) Friday
I arrived in OK Saturday, interviewed on Monday through Thursday, drug tested Friday, got a job on Wednesday. Start on Monday. That wasn't hard right? Right. And I'm offered more money than my last job (this just might work).

My Birthday
I had fun. It was sad at first because I was thinking, damn I'm old. But then after spending time with my lady I noticed I'm young at heart (I'm probably the only one keeping us young). By the end of the day, I was pretty happy.

I am your Father!
What does that mean when I'm twenty-six? I'm starting to make decision on my own but I never forget to ask my parents about their opinion. Now they are starting to pretend as if they have no say in what I do. As if I don't need their help. Then after I'm ready to move forward with my choices, they decide to tell me they disapprove. Too late buddy. You had your chance. I just don't understand this transition phase. How long will it last? Will they assume I'm trying to be disrespectful when I don't agree with their ideas? What's the best retirement home in their location (oh I'm just joking. Do you believe me)? All I know is that they are changing. And they sure as hell didn't warn me about it.

So that is. what is. goingz on. I'm in search of a lot of answers now about religion, God, life, Life After Death (how come Biggie knew "your nobody till somebody kill you). We'll see what goes on from here. Until then, peace and hair grease.

everyone has a story

why don't we all write books? Its funny because I used to think I was boring and interesting. Sure I can tell a joke and have a laugh but I didn't pretend to have these amazing stories to tell. I do.

Lately all I do is tell stories. "Like this one time..." or "That reminds me of this story." and "One time, at band camp..." (no that's not true). I find myself talking like this my girlfriend everyday. This makes me wonder: I should be a writer. Maybe its a missed passion of mine. I hope that I do finish my novel ideas and get at least one published. I wouldn't mine slave a nine to five if I get to publish one book. Then I get to say, "I am a novelist," and not a call-center-customer-service-specialist.

I can't lie though, I want it for the passion, fame, and fortune. That's right. I don't want to starve for this form of art. I want to get paid. Someone should hear what I have to say and they should pay me for it. Then they should go see it at the movies and pay me beaucoup bucks for it. Cha-Ching.

Hey people. Try to write something this month. You might just be the next great American Novelist.

lets not talk about it

there are certain people who deserve to be avoided. You can't love everybody in this world (because that would just lead to a huge awkward orgy at which point it would become hard to look anybody in the eye). Not every personality fits together and this is why we need to know how to properly avoid people. I have developed a wonderful system for avoiding the annoying.

Here goes...

Step 1: Pie in the Sky
The primary source of human interaction is eye contact. If you've ever walked into a hallway and found yourself making incidental eye contact with the co-worker who can't stop talking the cats that inhabit her safari like home, quickly avoid this person by redirecting your eyes to something on the ceiling or wall. "Oh look a black widowed spider holding a martini."

Step 2: Here boy. Fetch!
Most times a persistent fat bastard won't easily be fooled by a redirecting eye and you will have to interact in some form. This is when you use the misdirection technique. "Oh hey Bob. I heard they're handing out free doughnuts in the park. Hurry quickly before the police decide to shut it down confiscate them." Your tubby friend will more than likely be too distracted by the idea of fresh pastry goods to annoy with his great adventures of chicken pot pies and earning the highest level on World of Warcraft with the expansion package.

Step 3: Do the Heisman on the...
The greatest action to avoid interaction is a reaction. There are several ways to use this step. Some more violent than others. The more simple action is the side step. Begin by heading straight toward the prick with a blank stare on your face and as soon as you get close, step to the side, and continue on your path in one motion. Now a more effective form of this step is to extend your arm toward the guys face making sure the palm of your hand makes contact with his cheek bone. A good performance is when you hear a slapping noise. Disclaimer: the more violent you get with this step the more you want to make sure you deliver a good knock out.

These are three simple steps but there are many more.

you make me earl.

I just went back to the disappointing facebk and I almost earled. I guess before I left I decided to join several groups that have now spammed the hell out of my inbox. I'm getting poked by random broads I have no idea who they are. And I realized why I don't want to see pictures of people I hardly talk to, people I never knew yet they are in my friends list, and the up to date status of every hour, minute, second of someones life. I hate you facebk. You are the definition of sell out in the new millennium.

How the hell did I get an email about a poke when I know I turned all my email notifications off? Facebk is like the pestering guy down the street who just don't take no, a beat down, and an attempt to run him over; serious.

Gimme a cane, red suspenders, and a pocket full of change

A sign that I'm getting old is when I have a plumbing problem and I have to call some to fix it. No I'm not talking about digestive plumbing. I got a kitchen sink that just stopped sinking.

Usually I get my grown man on and just get on my knees to go at it for 4 hours but this time I'm too tired. Now there's two guys in my home jamming a snake down a tube virgorously and loudly. While watching them sweat and trying to avoid the glance of plumbers butt , I just can't imagine doing it myself anymore.

Good luck to them. Sounds like an impossible task. I hope they have some good solution to pour. Mean while I gotta pee and I'm wondering if I flush will that spray them in the face? (might be my only chance to piss in a white guys face. You know you've thought about it).
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You gonna take a left. Then you gonna take another left. Then you gonna take one more left to get back here and ask me again.

I have a terrible sense of direction. Its inherited. I remember many a road trips with my father getting lost with written directions in hand. When I first moved to atl I drove with one knee because my hands were holding a map against the windshield.

I wish there were up to date maps with key markers like "you gonna pass three mickey dees. The last one gonna be selling the McRib for a limited time. Stop in and get you one, then go out the back way and take a left. " I know gps has solved all our problems but I've yet to remember to set my trip in advance. So only after I have been in circles three times do I stop and punch in the right route. And now I can't stop at a gas station because the first thing they say is "que? Non gps?"

And what happens when my battery runs out? I'm trying to guess how long I have left before I'm back to the stone age and trying to find the big dipper.

How do you directional inclined people do it? Are yall just cheating with a compass written on the back of your hand? Am I just not paying attention? Talk to me. And if you have time I'm on the side of the road so come pick me up.
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I'm exhausted.

I'm in the process of cleaning and rearranging my parents house. I'm visiting home for a week and everybody is working so I have nothing to do. Why did I decide to tell my parents I would paint multiple rooms, clean multiple yards and change a carpet? Part of me feels I'm obligated to do this because I haven't been good at coming back home and staying with my parents.

But I need a break. I feel like a slave on the first day of cotton picking. Just on some oh hell naw!

I discovered something else about me. I don't like to complete things I do and I get it from my pops. There so many projects he has started in this house and never quite finished. If its a paint job the trim is unfinished. If its a game room a wall is incomplete.

I think I decided to help around the house to teach me something. First to finish the mess my father left and to complete every project I start. So I can't stop now. There's something to learn here. Its all in the details.
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Life is not in love

A very important lyricists of this time has commented on the universal rule of life. "a woman's life is love; a man's love is life" (c) phonte of little brother. Every society has bread their women to love a man and life will be fulfilling. Men are raised to seize life by the balls and demand success. Many men fail at life but every woman is still expected to find a man to love. These rules seemed to work until women decided they wanted to feel the balls of life as well. This has upset the balance of the universe. For you see, no one is holding the heart of life.
Now life no longer feels love; only his balls our being juggled between men and women. Since women are aiming to make more money and have more power, men that fail at success have nothing left to do after letting go of life's bowling balls. Men do not know how to care for a heart. Sure there are doctors that know the mechanics but to keep the warmth of love flowing through the body of life is incomprehensible.
Women you must return to caring for the heart. You may not think it is important because your work is not hard or flashy. Love comes natural to you. Men look to you for the definition of love. You are the best at keeping life's heart flowing with love. You must not step out of your role or I fear life will immaturely ejaculate its seeds of knowledge and our society will become too weak to move and fall asleep in a wet spot of crushed dreams.
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Behaviors of the ruling and trapped

Take a step back and analyze the behaviors of man. I think you'll discover that most relationships are of a prisoner and guard. If you've ever heard of the experiment of the prisoner and the guard then you should know where I'm going with this. There is a ruling class in every society. This class uses tools to keep the rest in a prisoner mind state. These tools follow simple procedures that manipulate the mind: humiliation, religion, and repetition.
Do we not set certain goals only because its tradition? Are we not afraid of our appearance in society so we do what ever we can to keep up with the jones? Doesn't religion force you to follow laws that go against your desires and emotions?
The animal is a behavioral being; living according to instincts and basic survival needs. Why as humans have we strayed from this type of life? Wouldn't life be simple? Wouldn't silly emotional diseases be of no use? Let us make our own decisions by what makes us happy and suffer the consequences on our own.
Instead our minds are imprisoned. We don't think for ourselves. We believe in what these so called laws are providing. Peace, right? I mean there no wars and everyone is so wealthy, right?
Do you really think society would be unbearable if we behaved with our instincts rather than tradition?
Free your mind.
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true!

*steps up on soapbox*

"love yourself before you cut yourself"

Fat people! Yes I'm talking to you holding the doughnut. Fat people! before you go under the knife and suck the fat out of your back, shrink your stomach, or do anything new and extreme to lose weight; make sure you love yourself first. I'm watching this True Life: I'm uncomfortable with my new body and it is confirming everything I believed about people who want to do drastic surgery.

When you have unnecessary medical treatment for the appearance which you created without any control, you will NOT be happy. Anyone who has had treatment and considers oneself as being happy is lying. That person is just waiting for the next opportunity to change another thing about his or her self.

Listen accept yourself. That means understand your lifestyle, your actions, your decisions; understand you. Sure you might want to look a certain way or behave in another way but pay attention to what you actually do in every circumstance. You want to loose weight but when you're hungry you eat excessively. You want to be popular but when you are out you don't talk much. Just accept it and stick to what makes you happy.

*steps off soapbox and asks the fat guy if he has more doughnuts*

Krispy Kremes b!tch

the inside job

the last night before I went back to Atlanta, I had my whole room packed and ready to go. Three days before, I was away on a trip to Dallas for two days and I told my roommates I would be leaving when I got back.

I go to bed around midnight ready to leave Norman in the morning and spend the day with my girl during 4th of July. Sleep falls upon me very quickly from the exhaustion of packing and the excitement of barbecue food for a whole day, then suddenly I hear a noise. In less than a second I decipher the noise to be from my window shades and my window was closed.

I jump straight up to a sitting position facing my window to see a black figure holding my window shade halfway from its base and my window completely open. Hearing no sound but my alertness upon the bed, the dark figure drops the shade and runs away.

What happened? Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did I almost just get Ezheal'd (*Friday reference)? I step lightly to window. Alert if the perpetrators decided to come back and finish the job. My window was wide open. My screen was lying on the concrete floor. My laptop was sitting right next to the window along with my hard drive. Nothing stolen but the deep sleep and the expected dreams.

For the next hour with the light on, I pondered. I'm on the second floor. I don't keep my window or my shades open. They didn't steal my laptop that was sitting right next to my window. What in the world just happened? Were they trying to get into the room? If so for what? To hurt me? I hardly know anybody. Who would want to do that? What did they want?

The thoughts rambled on. I was led to an assumption, this was an inside job. How much of a coincidence was it that on my last night this happened? When I was away for two days with my window unlocked, my front door unlocked (the roommates never locked it), my bedroom unlocked and on the night that I'm there (the last night), someone decides to climb through my window. This had to have been planned by someone who knew something about me. And I've always heard that most crimes being committed is by someone you know.

*Just so you know what reference was.

The Cleveland Show

http://www.zshare.net/video/620914104b4d02e4/

The pilot is hilarious. I hope this means more work for black actors. Real black actors not just Tyler Perry's crew.

Ohhhh! Chef Boyar G's new batch of hate.

chef's choice: Escape From Cubicle Nation

so while attempting to escape from dull life in Atlanta: unemployed, unmotivated, and dissatisfied; I went in search for some inspirational reading to help me become my own boss. I hit the Barnes and Noble business section and just started browsing the books for entrepreneurs. I knew what I wanted but I didn't know which book was right for me. Some of the books look like textbooks from school that I despised and others looked like entrepreneurship for dummies.

Then I found Escape From Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim.


At first I thought, this doesn't look like a serious book. Maybe I shouldn't waste my money. But then I thought, I have no idea where to start and I have fears that I shouldn't be thinking about entrepreneurship anyways, so why not have something lightweight in jargon. Then I looked at the cover because I do judge actual books by their covers, and I saw the people poking their heads out like groundhogs and thought, that's exactly how I felt when I had a job. I was too scared peek out of my own dull existence and see my shadow of disappointment.

So I bought the book. Yes I bought it for the cover but this time I wasn't disappointed at all. After a good read, I realized this book was just for me. Great inspirational quotes, lots of resources, lots of real life examples, and great motivational tools. Escape From Cubicle Nation was a great start. It didn't teach me everything I needed to start a business plan but it help get my fears out of the way by giving me real life expectations and much needed stepping stones. Pamela is straight forward in delivering achievable action steps that will get you one step closer to your tipping point.

move forward

one of the famous quotes my father used to say after watching me play a soccer game is, "you haff to move forward!" It never made any sense to me because I played defense. But nowadays I find myself using that as the answer as to why I need to take risks. I need to move forward.

I'm back in Atlanta. Back from my "extended vacation". What I really feel is that it wasn't a vacation at all but an answer to my prayers. I was looking for something or someone to motivate me and I did. I found someone to give me purpose and a new place to keep me interested. The risk worked out and I'm happy. So why am I still scared?

Is it wrong to find happiness? That's what we are all looking for right? Either someone to be happy with or things to keep us happy. I've found one if not possibly two of those things. So why do I still fear this risk won't work out and I will fail? I keep thinking that I should abandon the idea of starting a business and just rely on a regular job. Give up my happiness in an uncharted land and stick with my roots.

But, (and I quote) "Everything that I have done up till now has been unsuccessful. Its time to try something else" (okay that was a paraphrase from Pamela Slim Escape From Cubicle Nation). I need to put my fears aside, rely on God, and the warm bubbly feeling inside (I hope is not just gas). And I need to follow the line of my father, which will probably be a title of a book one day, I need to move forward.

Plus if I wasn't scared I probably wasn't doing anything right in the first place. The funny thing is that my father has been asking me to come back home. Sorry pops. You raised a good boy who was taught to listen to his parents. I gotta keep going. I need to move forward.

life can be so... "SQUIRREL!"

i don't want to get distracted. I'm in full force mode in life and I would hate for something to happen to discourage or distract me from where I need to get to. I feel like that dog on the movie "Up" who in the middle of talking has to stop and notice a squirrel. Sure to a dog the squirrel is something to chase and have fun with but will it really help it to accomplish his goal of being the best dog it can be. No. I understand I must have some fun and I want to have fun more than feel like I'm working but I don't want to waste time.

The real problem is that I have gotten great at wasting time. I've always been a shy kid and a loner so inevitably I've created time wasting activities to help me get through the day. This is bad if I want to be a business owner. I have to learn to be active in the right ways and if I'm wasting time it should be helpful in some way.

That's why I'm off of facebook (*pause* here comes a facebook rant so brace yourself). Facebook teaches me nothing. I don't care about people I don't care about so why do I need to know that such and such is enjoying an ice cream at two o'clock in the morning. At least my other time wasting sites offer bits of information or news. For instance verysmartbrothas.com teaches me how to be a better man and the ten top movies I should have seen by now. Okayplayer.com provides me with music I love and people that love it too. Even Kanye West's blog kanyeuniverscity.com has cool design stuff (shameless plugs over). But facebook gives me nothing. Sure they say its a great way to network. But does anybody really talk about important things on there anymore. No. Because soon they will own you and everything you put on the site. (Rant over. I feel like I said this before).

What's really funny is that this blog is distracting me as we speak (well I speak you browse for something worth reading). But at least this blog teaches me something about myself. One thing I've learned is that I want to see the movie "Up".

you left a stinky trail

i just discovered that if you google my old alias I found a trail of embarrassing youtube clips, blackplanet pages, comments on random boards, and a string of other things I did when I was bored and had a job. Man the internet sucks. Not only that but my old alias was part of my email address that I have been giving out to employees for an interview. So what does that mean, when I went in for a particular interview she made a reference to a video I made years ago that included me being intoxicated (this was just for fun). I didn't fully realize the reference at the time of the interview. All I could think of is, "Hey I made a video about that." A week later it dawns on me. I google the alias and guess what number my incriminating video shows up as: #4. How embarrassing.

Well you live and you learn. I've deleted most of the old stuff with that alias and I will now give a different email for business purposes. The internet sucks for that though because the average person doesn't go online as a professional. They go to fool around and waste time. Plus any video, picture, blog entry made was at a different time in my life but a random reader won't take the time to view the time-stamp and say, "well that was years ago. I'm sure he has changed."

So from now on I will be referred to as chefBoyarG on this blog. I'm still cooking with grease. Its a shame that my most unprofessional moments can't be viewed as attempts to release my creative energy. I'm proud of my creativity. It's what makes me special and I wanted to share it with the world. Unfortunately the fat cats have sticks up their butts.