Trapped

When you stepped out of bed this morning you didn't think you would find yourself here did you? Didn't think you would be trapped in a state of mind where nothing seems real but everything feels like the scorching pain you get when you remind yourself of the furture. Well now you are here. You have nothing else to face but what's in front you. Can you handle it? Oh you want to look at like you have some heart left? Jam this into your heart. There is no way out. You are too scared to end it and too weak to fight it. What you want to be over soon will last longer than you can possibly believe and you will feel every last emotion this sick and twisted world has to offer. You can't wait till you're on the other side can you? It'll soon come, till then this is life. Enjoy.

(untitled)

if I can just interject. Wet willies are real!!! That means nothing to a lot of you I know but who cares. Cuz really do I ever make sense. I'm at work today staring into nothingness and secretly typing that the worst place I'm ever wasted time is right here at work. It sucks. Damn women keep cussing me out I'm a have to slap a trick.
Moving on. Music is big to me but I have nothing new. But guess what? I got a new stereo in my room. Now I can listen to my favorite tunes in the morning.
(Thoughts are incomplete)

put another 45lb plate on that side

I'm back in the gym you lazy bums. Yeh I'm talking to you, internet browser. As you sit in front of the screen veggitating and slowly dying as you soul is sucked through your usb port, I was at the gym. Pumping iron, feeling like a man, feeling accomplished, feeling young again. I'm back in business baby. I just need a routine, so if anybody knows of one holla. I'm trying to get bigger and more defined.

The most fun about the gym is the 20 min. of cardio. It starts of easy and I think I can do this all day. Then five minutes roll by and I start breathing heavy (ah oh). Sweat starts running down my face. I huffing and puffing but all I can think of is where I used to be doing the same kind of exercise. For instance when I'm running on the treadmill I think of the espinage I used to run in Boston. The Charles River to my left, the skyline, the Mass Bridge, all beautiful at night. Today I was on the bike and I thought of when I used to ride a bike to get everywhere. The most fun was playing tag in the woods. Pedaling as fast as I can to get away or catch someone, that was fun. Next thing you know my 20 minutes are up and I have to cool down. I call it my way home.

Peace to BU and the rock. Always in my foundation.

generation to generation

What I just realized the other day scares me. I may not be able to teach my kids everything I want. Think about it. As I grow older I realized there are things my parents didn't tell me about. Did they want me to figure it out on my own or was it that they didn't have time. For instances, they never taught me how to handle money, get a job, or any responsibility outside of school. Were they sure that school would get me everything I need in life (sadly I'm finding out academics is not the only thing in life to learn). How come pops never had talks with me about paying bills or having business ventures? Answer: the man was too tired. Working hard to pay the bills, fixing a house, fixing a car and then he was suppose to have one on one time with me. Man when I come home now, I don't want to do nothing but sleep. Imagine when I have kids. I'm not going to think about going home to teach a kid another lesson in life. All I want to do is rest. And that sucks. There is so much I want to teach my kids but I may just wind trying to make sure they are disciplined and well behaved (which is even harder). Well all I can say to my future kids is good luck. Life is never easy.

spoken

Say something powerful
Say something meaningful
Say something the kids will won't to hear and listen to
So that one day when they start to understand the meaning of all this
What you said made sense.

When you say it,
Say it with a base in your voice
Say it with a slick metaphor
Say it with a cool rhyme that's on time and oh so fine
Cuz the only way the people will listen is if there is a melody to it.
And if they don't get it at least they enjoyed it.

Right before you say what you're gonna say
Sit down and say it to yourself
Make you the audience of your mind
And if what is coming out is bullspit, take it out
Say it till you get it right

Because one day you'll have to tell the world.
One day they'll all look back at you for the answer
One day you will stand from an urge deep inside your knees
One day you'll be in front of the microphone with a pair of ears on each head
Yearning for your voice.

Speak the truth
Speak your mind
Speak from your grandma's soul
Speak from the depth of the place where you're afraid to go
Speak until you're cold and graved in bed

And when you've spoke, walk up to the little boy
Ask him did you remember what I said
If the answer is yes, then you may proceed to your death
But if no, you must kiss him on the head.
May God bless his soul through the eternity he faces ahead.

a birthday hardly remembered but never forgotten

Peace and love to all who were with me for another year of this life. I appreciate all your messages, calls and good times. Thank you for your support and encouragement as I make my way through this jungle of a world.

Now that is out the way. Birthday night was something else this year. No details here. If you know me, I told you, if I didn't tell you, you can guess. To all of yall that didn't call or leave a message = bums. I had fun though, morning after was horrible but its all worth it because the night before will always be remembered with a smile.

I'm a wild boy and thats all I can say. Peace.

Oh my.

First and formost, rest in piece to Steve Erwin. He lived and died like a soldier. I think his death was proper. Straight through the heart so no chance of pain or bloody mishaps. It begs the question whether or not we all are willing to die for what we do. Steve put his life in danger everyday to teach and entertain the world. No one else dare do this but he did because he loved what he did. Do you love what you do? Would you take a bullet for what you do? I know what you are saying, man I work at a desk and yes I enjoy it but there is no chance of harm unless a stapler back fires and hits me in the eye. True but what if one day you had to stand up for what you believe in at your job. Would you be willing to risk it all for that belief?

All I'm saying is, stay away from sting rays unless you're prepared to take one through the heart if you are so lucky.

Still hard being black

It sure is. And you know the worst part its even harder being purple, orange, blue or green. Maybe not green cuz even Captain Kirk got with a green chick. But still being a black raisin in a cup of milk feels pretty low. C'mon can a nigga learn how to swim already. Where are my other people? How long do I have to wait before black people catch on to being something other a nigga trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents (that don't even make sense Pac, don't even make sense).

Let's move on. I went to the club the other day. Lloyd was there. I didn't care. Jeezy was there. I didn't care. But about 100 other people did so when I stepped on there shoes while trying to move through the crowd they got a "little" angry (little cuz I was smaller than them so how would it look beating up on me). The lasting memory of the night was when one of Jeezy's boys started throwing money in the crowd. Two things happened:

I passed by one dude who grabbed the money from the air and threw it back at Jeezy's boy. I told dude "that was gangsta."

Then I passed by this one girl who had missed the whole fiasco so she stood there like the second coming of Christ. I knew she was waiting for more money cuz nobody was standing around her and she was looking right at Jeezy's boy. Mind you Jeezy's boy is like 10 feet away from Jeezy. All I could think of is broke ass hefter. I proceeded to slap her and tell her ass to get a job, better yet go to school and get a good job instead of coming to club and looking for hand outs. (Yall know I didn't slap her but you get the picture).

Now let's talk about how I was watching Jeezy being niggerish, I could think of 150+ people that could eat off that one chain of his. Just a disgusting display of wealth. I don't how people get excited about a guy who raps about getting money; from selling drugs none the less. Niggas support that? Support me you ignorant fools. I'm struggling trying to make something of myself but when I tap miss pretty young thang on the shoulder all I get is a sneer. Do a public service and dance for a song.

All and all I'm still wondering if it was worth $20. Yes deep pocket change. I dunno, next time if don't hear free before 11pm I got a movie from Netflix at home waiting to entertain me.

Peace yall, see you at the hideaway.

Eh hem... Poem time.

My poetic sense is my defense.
Leaving the cold blooded heated to rip and vent
Its tense. Let me release your soul with the tip of blade
At the tip of my tongue by the words that's been made
Is it heaven or hell that drives men to discover their existence
Chasing after death when we yell rather than listen
Yes its true, the beginning of the end begins with you
If no meaning is sought then the lesson is still new
Let's teach the souls the furture can be a gift
A time left to enjoy her bossum and the very first kiss
Eternal bliss. The black sun shall rise again.

She Gave Me the Runs

Eh-hem.


She gave me the runs.
Her smooth soft skin drew me in
I chose this particalur one because of the way she made me feel
This time she wasn't chunky
This time she wasn't big
This time I thought we had something going for each other
I wouldn't have to store her in my cold cold heart
Instead caress her against the base of my being
And lick her every essence

But her time was up.
She turn our love around into the evol that consumed my inner being
Destroying my scruture, interrupting my time
Leaving me with only a bowl of the remains of our quick relationship
She gave me the runs.
And with that being said, I take another shot to head
I keep my body from being fed to allow the process to begin
In the end I return to my old friend:
Ginger who Ale's the boiling within
Expired Peanut Butter, I hope to never meet again.

Say Something

Blogger help me please to get some ish off my chest
I'm stressed, the jobs got a blade to my neck
I come home heated to heated dungeons of my living
Flying needles threaten over my head for the sacrifices to be given
This is it. The days of pain and toil have begun
The sky has darken from rays of the black sun
The game is strong and not meant for every player
You take down who you can, throned as a soul slayer
And all along, the one that stands by you is the strongest
Dealing with your bull charging into her heart is the hardest
You can't pour out every emotion cuz most cups come pre-filled
There's no sense crying out the water's drowning from the last spill
I shriek. The thought that my rock will be gone soon
A collection of my soul in rhytmn echos in my room
I sit still, as though not to upset the balance
Breath in the deep frustration and release the screams into silence
I am the enzyme, the spark, the ignition call me two sticks, better yet two stones
But don't slap me together, for the revolution is coming and I must be thrown

Bills Bills Bills

Water posed to be free (c)Comic View.

Every week I feel like I'm paying a bill. I can't even get new glasses cuz I'm afraid I will not have enough money for a bill. I know what you saying, "G just budget." I am but things keep changing: a new bill here, more hours here. I never know when its enough. Plus I'm trying to live. I ain't blowing all of my money if I go out but dang it can I get a drink (or buy a lucky lady a drink)? I just wish somebody would drop 10 g's on me. I would smile and run to the bank and pay off some loans.

Anyways, we all got bills, ain't nothing to cry or write about. I'll tell you something to write about: making it happen. I'm getting so good at my job they starting to hate me. We the worst bank in the area but I believe they put a bunch of us together to turn it around. And damn it, we gonna make it happen. Because if I can do it, everybody should do it.

And on making it happen. I have no idea whether or not its appropriate to holla at girls that come to my window. They look good, but I don't wanna say anything that will get a sexual harrasment suit on me or make anybody uncomfortable banking with me. Ain't no worse feeling when I'm the only window open and there is only one customer in line but she wanna wait for somebody else. Burrnnnnnnn!!! Some of it I think is sexism. There are a lot more female tellers and customer feel more comfortable. I think a teller is a female job. Because all the guys like talking to the ladies and all the ladies like talking about lady stuff to the ladies. Where does that leave me, with the mexicans. I have no problem with the mexicans, I'm with you on the immigration thing but damn learn a couple of banking words when you open an account. Its your money, you should know how to say cash, deposit, and cashback.

In the end we going to make it happen this year. One way or the other. "By any means necessary"(c)Martin on Malcom.

Updates on my cooking game:

Meals I've made:
Fried Chicken: put some flour on boneless skinless chicken. Ummm that was good.
Pork Chops: Chops where to small, but i marinated them joints over night they was okay.
Rice: rice game is on point. I don't even burn the bottom. Just need to find the right amount of salt.
Sos pra(gray to you english speaking eaters): Black beans was pretty good, Lima beans didn't make out so good.
Corn Bread: don't mess with my cornbread.

UP NEXT: Barbeque wings and Fried Chicken wings cuz I still have some flour left.

What if it is about money

We all want it, we all need it, we all are going after it (well, except African bush families, they just trying to survive, but I ain't mad at them though). Moneymoneymuuhhhnay! Muuhhnay! In our continuous search for it those that didn't have success in gaining the green came up with the idea that not all life is about getting money. Life is suppose to be about love and relationships and people. Forget that. I don't remember the last time seeing someone with money being sad. Being able to afford anything in life, especially every little thing must be a great feeling. I know it must because when I have some extra money and getting some more mints then usually feels good, so getting the extra navigation system in your new mercedes benz must be incredible.

Leads me to think that all the thugs, criminals, and hustlers that aren't really rich like the white folk with trust funds but still got money to get the benz got it right. They getting money right. They looking fly and blinging and attracting dumb broads for a night. Sure they may not live as long or the drug thing catches up to them or somebody snitches and there is jail time but hey for a couple of months if not years they were ballas during their prime. Sure they are doing wrong killing each other but for the moment at the club while I'm there trying to holla at the same girls and all the ballas have to do is show up with the bling and ride and girls are all over them, they're having more fun then me. And if they aren't, let me get some money and show them how to do it.

The hardest thing about life is dealing with people. People suck in general. I wish I was an animal in the jungle or the safari desert. The rules are simple and instinct. If you the boss, you fight to earn it and keep it and then you get all the ladies. The loser runs and leaves you the hell alone. You migrate with your folk when need be, you sleep when you're not eating, and you make love when in heat.
Ultimately that is what human life is about, but we have one problem: a complicated matter of neurons, cells, and grey matter - the brain. Sure the brain can be fun. Comedians make you laugh, scientist create amazing gizmos, even love warms you up inside. But after that its all downhill when it comes to thinking. When people think bad things occur. They think they know everything, they think they can do anything, they think they are always right.

Well let me tell you what I think. I think whatever you put into a situation you get out. So the next time you are rude to a person expect the same thing back. And yall are lucky I need a job or the thing you'd be getting back is a knuckle sandwich.

Johnny's at WAR

So Johnny says to me:
Life is over, the war has begun
They just bombed Allah's son
They turn and smile at us like it was fun
The streets are deadly, guns are heavy
Raised to our heads, streaming bullet sounds becomes a melody
We're not safe, there's no one for protection
They're coming closer now, destroying our main sections
First it's New York then its DC
Then its here I can feel them watching me
They're stalking me, and you, yes you and I
Must watch out for their evil eyes
At the corner stores and the bus stops
They're checking street signs and looking at their watch
Where will they hit next, where shall they strike first
Leaving diseases in mail or killing mothers at birth
They've tapped into our phone lines, tapped in to our cells
They'll jumble your words and make you buy and sell
It's all over man, there's not much time left
Learn this information, not many know it yet
So I reply:
Why ain't you in a bomb shelter or hiding in the woods?
Why ain't you arming yourself or storing up goods?
To this Johnny squeals:
Man I gotta go to work, ain't nobody paying my bills!!

Oh no no!!

What's this? I'm posting twice in one day? I must have no life.

Yeh well I don't care m***f***s. I can do what I do. I'm just writing cuz I had a good day today. I got acknowledge by my peers as a helpful worker. I ended the day well, made a couple of friends, got rid of the first scholarship app so I can focus on other thangs, its just been a good day (oh and I seen a lot of booty).

One thing I love abou ATL is that you get to see booty. To the women reading, yes I'm looking; to the men, yeh they is nice. After all the booty I seen today, I'm thinking of making a bumper sticker that says, "Will stop for booty." or "Honk if you see one (outline of a phatty next to it)". Those would be tight. I wonder if they are already out there. I really enjoy just watching a great butt bounce after squeezing upward while walking. Beautiful just beautiful. But I'm not just being a sexual harrassing pervert. I'm just point out beauty. Like if I saw a nice car, I would say something, if I saw a sunset, I would say something. So whenever I see a beautiful booty I say , "High five for Jesus. Keep making them that way" (c) Murs.

But on another note, my day just ended horrible.

Me in the Advertising Business

Pick up a magazine and tell me what you see
Secret lies of sex, romance and an occasional ad you recognize from T.V.
Now throw those glossy pages into a bin
Look to the sky and imagine that the billboard captured your attention
The question is who¢s wasting whose money
Consumers are buying the other brand because your ad was, kind of funny
Well isn¢t that a kick, a million dollar super ad can be worth spit
There¢s no return on a well-designed, creative look without benefits

And how come all the black people have to dance and sing
Is our demographic only entertained by rapping cell phone rings
I know that there is more to this
There is a whole image that must be fixed
My role in this business is to bring some new thought
Make people feel confident with what they bought
Dispel the idea that we sell C.R.A.C.K, Consumer Resources Addressed Creatively to Kids
But instead invest in better products to help people live

Oh but lets be real, I'm no saint
The real reason I¢m here is because I'm broke and can¢t paint
I just want to make a living out of the crazy ideas in my dreams
Like the time I saw a monkey riding a bull made out of shaving cream
I struggle for the day my words form a thousand pictures
And a screen print out is the exact CMYK mixture
My ideas will jump off lips and evoke laughter
To be the most well-known unknown is all that I¢m after

****I wrote this for an advertising scholarship. You think I will get it? Only God knows.

Hey blogger...

"Hey Blogger."

"Hey what's up?"

So what are you going to tell us today.

Oh I don't know. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

Aw c'mon blogger you know you don't have anything real to say.

Yeh, I know. Who is reading anyways, right?

Nobody Blogger. Nobody.

....................................
____________________________________

So I offered my seat to nice young lady yesterday, Valentines Day and she says no. I said, "Are you sure?" She said, "No, I'm okay. I'll just stand over here."

What the...? Listen and this is to all the ladies of the millenium, I don't really want to give up my seat but as a gentlemen I follow gentlemen rules ("break it down G, break it down!")

Let me break it down:

1. Hold the door for a lady
2. Give up your seat for lady
3. Let the lady go first
4. Let a lady know she is beautiful

And thats what I do. But the key to the gentlmen rules is the compliance with the "lady". If you don't comply, I cease being a gentlemen, meaning I'll scrap all the rules and just be an ass. I'll start following the ass rules ("preach G, preach")

Let me preach:

1. Hold the door for a lady and let it go when its just out of reach.
2. Get up from my seat to dap a homey and then demand, "Move Bitch! I was sitting there."
3. Bust a swim move around a lady and command "Move Bitch!"
4. "Hey baby, I could ride you all night long with that ass!"

So to every lady, do your part and keep the gentlemen alive.

Now we gonna pass the collection plate for offering.

just making sense

"So you're telling me that hip hop has sold out to mainstream?"

"Not all of hip hop, but yes the ones that got little jimmy smith of 42 suburbia road walking around like he's a gangsta has lost the true meaning of hip hop. Their suppose to be selling a message through their story."

They are telling their story.

No. No. No. They saying what they can sell to the mainstream and most of it ain't even real anymore. You telling me they can rap about still selling drugs and holding gats without getting a little trouble from the police. Its all fake. If they was real, they wouldn't need all that. They'd tell the truth. How most niggas don't make it out. How most niggas are locked up for stupid shit. How most niggas on the block have the most potential in the world but they too dumb trying to follow the fast dream, the get rich scheme, trying to make a quick buck.

Well what's wrong with showing what they've got? If you never had nothing and finally got some shine, you'd be flossing too.

True dat. True dat. But isn't there a point when they have to realize that all that bling won't last long. One minute you hot, next you not. Isn't that how it goes?

So you're saying rap has a social responsibilty?

Yes! And why not?! Rap speaks to millions of people black and white. Why can't somebody say something that's meaningful and positive. Isn't that what rap was about in the first place? To stand up and say what's going on so we can fight for a change.

But their are people like that. There's Mos Defs, Talib Kweli, Little Brother, The Roots. Aren't they representing what your asking for? The question is why aren't they on the mainstream?

Cuz nobody wants to listen.

No. Because everybody just wants to dance. Look at the girl right there. You probably thinking she doesn't care about social change, she doesn't know anything about a revolution. Wrong. She goes to college and is the leader of black organizations for years. She's fighting a fight some where. But dang it, can she come out for one night of the week and enjoy herself with having to worry about all the things wrong in this world and on top of the that all the things wrong in her own life. Let her dance man, let her have fun. This night and every other night she comes here.

You got a point.

So there is a reason for mainstream rap. All that bouncing around is for fun. It makes people happy if not for one night. Speaking of which, I'm about to hop on one of these shorties.

I feel ya kid. Peace.

Cutting off the sideburns

Razor to my neck with no thoughts of the end
Just a new start, a new day, feeling fresh from the beginning
Hop into the shiny shoes so I can walk through the door
Like, Damn I've seen some bling but never step like that before
Yeh, plus I got the smile to match cuz my spirit stay high
Please remain seated and buckle up when I'm feeling so fly
To all the ladies in the place with thick waist and hips
Allow me to place this smooth skin upon your lips
Just let me feel that body move while on the dance floor
Later on I'll agree that you;ve never done this before
Cuz you never had a cat like me
So close to royalty, even Simba ain't met cat like me
That's just how it goes, when you in a new city
Atlanta's where the phatties never looked so pretty
At the end of the night, counting the numbers that I've earned
I've never been so happy that I cut off my sideburns

hunger pains in my belly

some toast, peppermint tea, and my last soft chocolate chip cookie. Ingredients to a sweet meal before bed. I had none last night. Sadly, the market doesn't get done by itself. But there are other markets to be had. The money market.

For as I lay here on my couch that's too small, on this computer that's too old, and in these clothes that's too young I can only think of how much I will appreciate this life when I'm waving to the sun as it breaks through the grey clouds of desire. I can't wait till these walls are painted with delicious colorful meaning and the victorian stairwell leads to the passionate rooms of the sky.

On the day I greet my childhood at the bottom of the playground slide, I will tell him, "hang in there kid. Make lots of friends. Don't worry about nothing, someone special has got your back and He won't let you down." I know it won't be easy for him. Being in the lime light is scary. But this buisness is about being seen. You can't afford third place because you're living in a first class world and that means you're the closest to the cockpit if anything goes wrong.

This is my life. This is my fire. I promise to come out of the flames as a new man ready to help hold up this world.