you make me earl.

I just went back to the disappointing facebk and I almost earled. I guess before I left I decided to join several groups that have now spammed the hell out of my inbox. I'm getting poked by random broads I have no idea who they are. And I realized why I don't want to see pictures of people I hardly talk to, people I never knew yet they are in my friends list, and the up to date status of every hour, minute, second of someones life. I hate you facebk. You are the definition of sell out in the new millennium.

How the hell did I get an email about a poke when I know I turned all my email notifications off? Facebk is like the pestering guy down the street who just don't take no, a beat down, and an attempt to run him over; serious.

Gimme a cane, red suspenders, and a pocket full of change

A sign that I'm getting old is when I have a plumbing problem and I have to call some to fix it. No I'm not talking about digestive plumbing. I got a kitchen sink that just stopped sinking.

Usually I get my grown man on and just get on my knees to go at it for 4 hours but this time I'm too tired. Now there's two guys in my home jamming a snake down a tube virgorously and loudly. While watching them sweat and trying to avoid the glance of plumbers butt , I just can't imagine doing it myself anymore.

Good luck to them. Sounds like an impossible task. I hope they have some good solution to pour. Mean while I gotta pee and I'm wondering if I flush will that spray them in the face? (might be my only chance to piss in a white guys face. You know you've thought about it).
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You gonna take a left. Then you gonna take another left. Then you gonna take one more left to get back here and ask me again.

I have a terrible sense of direction. Its inherited. I remember many a road trips with my father getting lost with written directions in hand. When I first moved to atl I drove with one knee because my hands were holding a map against the windshield.

I wish there were up to date maps with key markers like "you gonna pass three mickey dees. The last one gonna be selling the McRib for a limited time. Stop in and get you one, then go out the back way and take a left. " I know gps has solved all our problems but I've yet to remember to set my trip in advance. So only after I have been in circles three times do I stop and punch in the right route. And now I can't stop at a gas station because the first thing they say is "que? Non gps?"

And what happens when my battery runs out? I'm trying to guess how long I have left before I'm back to the stone age and trying to find the big dipper.

How do you directional inclined people do it? Are yall just cheating with a compass written on the back of your hand? Am I just not paying attention? Talk to me. And if you have time I'm on the side of the road so come pick me up.
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I'm exhausted.

I'm in the process of cleaning and rearranging my parents house. I'm visiting home for a week and everybody is working so I have nothing to do. Why did I decide to tell my parents I would paint multiple rooms, clean multiple yards and change a carpet? Part of me feels I'm obligated to do this because I haven't been good at coming back home and staying with my parents.

But I need a break. I feel like a slave on the first day of cotton picking. Just on some oh hell naw!

I discovered something else about me. I don't like to complete things I do and I get it from my pops. There so many projects he has started in this house and never quite finished. If its a paint job the trim is unfinished. If its a game room a wall is incomplete.

I think I decided to help around the house to teach me something. First to finish the mess my father left and to complete every project I start. So I can't stop now. There's something to learn here. Its all in the details.
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Life is not in love

A very important lyricists of this time has commented on the universal rule of life. "a woman's life is love; a man's love is life" (c) phonte of little brother. Every society has bread their women to love a man and life will be fulfilling. Men are raised to seize life by the balls and demand success. Many men fail at life but every woman is still expected to find a man to love. These rules seemed to work until women decided they wanted to feel the balls of life as well. This has upset the balance of the universe. For you see, no one is holding the heart of life.
Now life no longer feels love; only his balls our being juggled between men and women. Since women are aiming to make more money and have more power, men that fail at success have nothing left to do after letting go of life's bowling balls. Men do not know how to care for a heart. Sure there are doctors that know the mechanics but to keep the warmth of love flowing through the body of life is incomprehensible.
Women you must return to caring for the heart. You may not think it is important because your work is not hard or flashy. Love comes natural to you. Men look to you for the definition of love. You are the best at keeping life's heart flowing with love. You must not step out of your role or I fear life will immaturely ejaculate its seeds of knowledge and our society will become too weak to move and fall asleep in a wet spot of crushed dreams.
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Behaviors of the ruling and trapped

Take a step back and analyze the behaviors of man. I think you'll discover that most relationships are of a prisoner and guard. If you've ever heard of the experiment of the prisoner and the guard then you should know where I'm going with this. There is a ruling class in every society. This class uses tools to keep the rest in a prisoner mind state. These tools follow simple procedures that manipulate the mind: humiliation, religion, and repetition.
Do we not set certain goals only because its tradition? Are we not afraid of our appearance in society so we do what ever we can to keep up with the jones? Doesn't religion force you to follow laws that go against your desires and emotions?
The animal is a behavioral being; living according to instincts and basic survival needs. Why as humans have we strayed from this type of life? Wouldn't life be simple? Wouldn't silly emotional diseases be of no use? Let us make our own decisions by what makes us happy and suffer the consequences on our own.
Instead our minds are imprisoned. We don't think for ourselves. We believe in what these so called laws are providing. Peace, right? I mean there no wars and everyone is so wealthy, right?
Do you really think society would be unbearable if we behaved with our instincts rather than tradition?
Free your mind.
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true!

*steps up on soapbox*

"love yourself before you cut yourself"

Fat people! Yes I'm talking to you holding the doughnut. Fat people! before you go under the knife and suck the fat out of your back, shrink your stomach, or do anything new and extreme to lose weight; make sure you love yourself first. I'm watching this True Life: I'm uncomfortable with my new body and it is confirming everything I believed about people who want to do drastic surgery.

When you have unnecessary medical treatment for the appearance which you created without any control, you will NOT be happy. Anyone who has had treatment and considers oneself as being happy is lying. That person is just waiting for the next opportunity to change another thing about his or her self.

Listen accept yourself. That means understand your lifestyle, your actions, your decisions; understand you. Sure you might want to look a certain way or behave in another way but pay attention to what you actually do in every circumstance. You want to loose weight but when you're hungry you eat excessively. You want to be popular but when you are out you don't talk much. Just accept it and stick to what makes you happy.

*steps off soapbox and asks the fat guy if he has more doughnuts*

Krispy Kremes b!tch

the inside job

the last night before I went back to Atlanta, I had my whole room packed and ready to go. Three days before, I was away on a trip to Dallas for two days and I told my roommates I would be leaving when I got back.

I go to bed around midnight ready to leave Norman in the morning and spend the day with my girl during 4th of July. Sleep falls upon me very quickly from the exhaustion of packing and the excitement of barbecue food for a whole day, then suddenly I hear a noise. In less than a second I decipher the noise to be from my window shades and my window was closed.

I jump straight up to a sitting position facing my window to see a black figure holding my window shade halfway from its base and my window completely open. Hearing no sound but my alertness upon the bed, the dark figure drops the shade and runs away.

What happened? Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did I almost just get Ezheal'd (*Friday reference)? I step lightly to window. Alert if the perpetrators decided to come back and finish the job. My window was wide open. My screen was lying on the concrete floor. My laptop was sitting right next to the window along with my hard drive. Nothing stolen but the deep sleep and the expected dreams.

For the next hour with the light on, I pondered. I'm on the second floor. I don't keep my window or my shades open. They didn't steal my laptop that was sitting right next to my window. What in the world just happened? Were they trying to get into the room? If so for what? To hurt me? I hardly know anybody. Who would want to do that? What did they want?

The thoughts rambled on. I was led to an assumption, this was an inside job. How much of a coincidence was it that on my last night this happened? When I was away for two days with my window unlocked, my front door unlocked (the roommates never locked it), my bedroom unlocked and on the night that I'm there (the last night), someone decides to climb through my window. This had to have been planned by someone who knew something about me. And I've always heard that most crimes being committed is by someone you know.

*Just so you know what reference was.

The Cleveland Show

http://www.zshare.net/video/620914104b4d02e4/

The pilot is hilarious. I hope this means more work for black actors. Real black actors not just Tyler Perry's crew.

Ohhhh! Chef Boyar G's new batch of hate.

chef's choice: Escape From Cubicle Nation

so while attempting to escape from dull life in Atlanta: unemployed, unmotivated, and dissatisfied; I went in search for some inspirational reading to help me become my own boss. I hit the Barnes and Noble business section and just started browsing the books for entrepreneurs. I knew what I wanted but I didn't know which book was right for me. Some of the books look like textbooks from school that I despised and others looked like entrepreneurship for dummies.

Then I found Escape From Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim.


At first I thought, this doesn't look like a serious book. Maybe I shouldn't waste my money. But then I thought, I have no idea where to start and I have fears that I shouldn't be thinking about entrepreneurship anyways, so why not have something lightweight in jargon. Then I looked at the cover because I do judge actual books by their covers, and I saw the people poking their heads out like groundhogs and thought, that's exactly how I felt when I had a job. I was too scared peek out of my own dull existence and see my shadow of disappointment.

So I bought the book. Yes I bought it for the cover but this time I wasn't disappointed at all. After a good read, I realized this book was just for me. Great inspirational quotes, lots of resources, lots of real life examples, and great motivational tools. Escape From Cubicle Nation was a great start. It didn't teach me everything I needed to start a business plan but it help get my fears out of the way by giving me real life expectations and much needed stepping stones. Pamela is straight forward in delivering achievable action steps that will get you one step closer to your tipping point.

move forward

one of the famous quotes my father used to say after watching me play a soccer game is, "you haff to move forward!" It never made any sense to me because I played defense. But nowadays I find myself using that as the answer as to why I need to take risks. I need to move forward.

I'm back in Atlanta. Back from my "extended vacation". What I really feel is that it wasn't a vacation at all but an answer to my prayers. I was looking for something or someone to motivate me and I did. I found someone to give me purpose and a new place to keep me interested. The risk worked out and I'm happy. So why am I still scared?

Is it wrong to find happiness? That's what we are all looking for right? Either someone to be happy with or things to keep us happy. I've found one if not possibly two of those things. So why do I still fear this risk won't work out and I will fail? I keep thinking that I should abandon the idea of starting a business and just rely on a regular job. Give up my happiness in an uncharted land and stick with my roots.

But, (and I quote) "Everything that I have done up till now has been unsuccessful. Its time to try something else" (okay that was a paraphrase from Pamela Slim Escape From Cubicle Nation). I need to put my fears aside, rely on God, and the warm bubbly feeling inside (I hope is not just gas). And I need to follow the line of my father, which will probably be a title of a book one day, I need to move forward.

Plus if I wasn't scared I probably wasn't doing anything right in the first place. The funny thing is that my father has been asking me to come back home. Sorry pops. You raised a good boy who was taught to listen to his parents. I gotta keep going. I need to move forward.

life can be so... "SQUIRREL!"

i don't want to get distracted. I'm in full force mode in life and I would hate for something to happen to discourage or distract me from where I need to get to. I feel like that dog on the movie "Up" who in the middle of talking has to stop and notice a squirrel. Sure to a dog the squirrel is something to chase and have fun with but will it really help it to accomplish his goal of being the best dog it can be. No. I understand I must have some fun and I want to have fun more than feel like I'm working but I don't want to waste time.

The real problem is that I have gotten great at wasting time. I've always been a shy kid and a loner so inevitably I've created time wasting activities to help me get through the day. This is bad if I want to be a business owner. I have to learn to be active in the right ways and if I'm wasting time it should be helpful in some way.

That's why I'm off of facebook (*pause* here comes a facebook rant so brace yourself). Facebook teaches me nothing. I don't care about people I don't care about so why do I need to know that such and such is enjoying an ice cream at two o'clock in the morning. At least my other time wasting sites offer bits of information or news. For instance verysmartbrothas.com teaches me how to be a better man and the ten top movies I should have seen by now. Okayplayer.com provides me with music I love and people that love it too. Even Kanye West's blog kanyeuniverscity.com has cool design stuff (shameless plugs over). But facebook gives me nothing. Sure they say its a great way to network. But does anybody really talk about important things on there anymore. No. Because soon they will own you and everything you put on the site. (Rant over. I feel like I said this before).

What's really funny is that this blog is distracting me as we speak (well I speak you browse for something worth reading). But at least this blog teaches me something about myself. One thing I've learned is that I want to see the movie "Up".

you left a stinky trail

i just discovered that if you google my old alias I found a trail of embarrassing youtube clips, blackplanet pages, comments on random boards, and a string of other things I did when I was bored and had a job. Man the internet sucks. Not only that but my old alias was part of my email address that I have been giving out to employees for an interview. So what does that mean, when I went in for a particular interview she made a reference to a video I made years ago that included me being intoxicated (this was just for fun). I didn't fully realize the reference at the time of the interview. All I could think of is, "Hey I made a video about that." A week later it dawns on me. I google the alias and guess what number my incriminating video shows up as: #4. How embarrassing.

Well you live and you learn. I've deleted most of the old stuff with that alias and I will now give a different email for business purposes. The internet sucks for that though because the average person doesn't go online as a professional. They go to fool around and waste time. Plus any video, picture, blog entry made was at a different time in my life but a random reader won't take the time to view the time-stamp and say, "well that was years ago. I'm sure he has changed."

So from now on I will be referred to as chefBoyarG on this blog. I'm still cooking with grease. Its a shame that my most unprofessional moments can't be viewed as attempts to release my creative energy. I'm proud of my creativity. It's what makes me special and I wanted to share it with the world. Unfortunately the fat cats have sticks up their butts.

INC

I'm starting a new business and I need a target market. A specific market. I can work with just anybody because I lose the focus I need to work for the right people. Plus I hate working with people. I don't mind working for people but working with us tough because I'm a do it my way or no way type of person. There's nothing worst than spending your time to complete a project with my own expertise than having some amature decide they can change or have input on something. Sounds terrible doesn't it? But that's how I feel.
I Ve figured that the type of people I want as a client is someone who wants in and out. No long term updates or continuing projects. Just a logo, a template and that's it. Now don't get me wrong I know I need to build relationships but I also want the new business to work on what I can give tham first before you decide I'm your new on the spot designer who likes calls at 3 am to design a flyer. Take the logo, take the template and are what works first. Then when you have a particular project come back to me with proof that it can work.
I dunno this is mostly hogwash. Most of it is fear. Starting a business is scary.
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Tat tat tat tat it up

Getting a tattoo is like getting and extra piece of your soul attached to your body. You should think about it like that because it forever. Well you can zap it off but that's not the point. A tat should be something personal. Something that represent a part of you that not many people should know. That's right wear soul on your skin.

I'm not ready for my tat yet. But I have an idea of what it will be. I feel bad cause I made a promise not to get a tat but things done changed and the dead don't mourn. My new life must be marked on me before the breast comes.
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Outkast was right

you need to get up, get out, and do something
You'll never make it if you never even try

But just because you are trying doesn't mean you'll win. That's the hard part. Sometimes you are just not allowed to do your brilliant idea. I mean legally. When you start to think about it though, this is the land of the free (America's slogan, right?) but not the free to do what you want without paying the man (yeah I know he is black now but he's still "top cop").

So if you get this ingenious idea to sell something, you first gotta pay for a license, pay for a place to sell, pay for marketing, damn near pay for protection. That's right, you're stepping into gang territory. That's what it feels like. I'm trying to make just some extra cash for myself but before I can do all that I have to pay so many people before I see a dime. That's capitalism folks. You pay rent to these bullies who stand behind a legal system and call it fair.

I'm moving to Brazil and living off the river.

my soul is a mess

when you begin transforming your life, you can feel like your soul is a mess. You know how people do soul searching, yeah well mine is a mess. There are just things that I believed deep down in my soul that aren't even true. So in the process of changing those things, life experiences get miss placed, dreams get misinterpreted, and your role in society is reassigned. All these things make up a soul or what I believe is the inner core of oneself.

So now, I have to clean up that mess. Put things where they should have been. Throw out the garbage that has plagued me from the beginning. I need to fung shway my soul.

Does someone know the number to extreme makeover?
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Eighth wonder

I find it interesting that my ideas and actions aren't being contested like they used to. If people eventually knew they would let me figure things out on my own then why all the harassment from the start? Nowadays I feel like I can do whatever I want and there is no better freedom than that. Now all I worry about is what will truly make me happy. I'm close to understanding what that is. The question now is whay is it going to be like getting there and how will it feel?
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life as a Sooner

that's right. I've changed locations to Norman, OK. Tornado country, Soonerville, Indian Reservations, and jaw-jacking white folk. I'm spending the summer here with my girlfriend. Glee! (like a little school boy). I'm in a impulse mood right now. I'm willing to try everything and anything until I get to where I need to be. Where that is I don't know but I know some things that I will need. $$$$That do-lo$$$$ So if you catch me selling salt to snail don't be surprised. Its better than selling illegal stuff (which is still crossing my mind. Why doesn't everybody sell illegal stuff if it makes so much money?). You know you've thought about it too!

Worst air ride ever

I already hate flying so its even worst when I have a bad flight. First of all you have to carry all your luggage that's awkwardly shaped and scratches your left thigh every time I take a step. Now for those with rollers screw you. You need the exercise anyway.
But the worst part of today flight was that the airplane did a marathon lap around the airport before taking off an hour late. So when I get to my layover I'm too late and have to take the next flight in three hours.
BULLOCKS!
I finally get on the plane and I'm delayed again because the engine needs air to start. What you say? That s right air. The molecule that surrounds us. Which also means there is not air inside the plane in ninety degree weather. Sounds like fun right?
But someone finally farts some air into the engine and we are on our way but wait there's more.
Some guy sitting behind me (he's white) decides to tell the extra friendly male flight attendant something that causes him to get all upset and demand an apology or else he'll kick him off the plane. Boy oh boy. To that the old white man reply, "Screw you."
*sigh* I love white people.
Now threatened the attendant calls for back up and we have to wait for the guy to apologize before the plane can leave. Aint that something. Worst air ride ever!


Except for that one time my brother decided to throw me off the porch.
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