all is forgiven

the pill

They don't sing lullabies about nights like this
The tunes play over and over in your head
As lights blind your direction to clarity
Moments pass as if your sleep is stealing your life
Regrets, afterthoughts, corrections will follow you in your shadow
And as the night draws near to an end
You appreciate those at your side
I hope they understand
I made a mistake.

late night binge

i noticed that late at night when people want to eat all kinds of foods, they look at me with such disdain because I don't want to eat. Sure I'll take a couple of bites of this or that but dive into a full meal, nope not for me. Then comes the question, well are you on a diet? No. I just don't eat late at night. I never have.

Growing up I ate at lunch and at dinner time. Sometimes I might eat at breakfast but not always. If I got hungry late at night, I'll have some tea to warm my stomach and go to bed. The truth is we never had late night snacks. Well maybe crackers or something but thats about it.

The real reason though of why I don't eat at night is because a lesson learned freshman year of college (I think that's when I learned all my lessons).

The Late Night Cafeteria.
It sounded good, especially since I got in late after work and I wasn't physically paying with money because it was on a card that was given to me. I could get chicken wings, fries, pizzas, ice cream, and my favorite: smoothies. It was also a social gathering: you could study with friends, joke around, and meet new people.

But something strange would happen over night. While I slept, the evil of greasy foods would turn in my tummy. There was a war going on and it left me defeated every morning. Because every morning after a late night binge was a trip to the stalls for an explosion of gases and particles that I didn't know came out that end of my anatomy. So I learned quickly, you don't put greasy, delicious foods in your tummy before you go to bed.

Now when I'm out and I see everybody stuffing there face with everything they ordered, I thank God that I won't have to be in their home while the eruption of internal gases leaks under the crevices of the bathroom door. Its just another lesson learned when you're cooking with grease. (may the irony consume you all)

mind sex - Dead Prez

nuff said.

thinking 4000 words a minute

I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now cause right now its all relative. Decisions, decisions, decisions, that's the rest of my life. Full of decisions. What next, what now, who, what so um, I think I should, maybe if I duh, I like pig feet. Next up, time to go to work. Oh work?! Fourteen in the hole last night. "No one is to leave the bank until I get there." Interesting to see where things go from now and they won't even take me anywhere else. I guess I gotta go for the gusto. Hey Gus, my final thought of the day is kill yourself. That's a crazy mess. The future is in your hand and I got the machete, your vote doesn't count. We're all savages, you didn't know that? We just choose to live in a safer environment. The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind. Give me money and it'll all be easier. What's up with product placement. You got a 1:30 min video and spend 5 secs on a camera. I know how to take a picture. A waste of my time. Maybe this blog, maybe my words, maybe television, maybe talking to you. Who knows. Time is like that. A beeatch!

i'm too old for this

The older you get is it harder to make friends for as a male?

I know I'm not that old yet but still can't see myself making a lot more male friends. If I'm looking to make a new friend it is usually gonna be a female and for different reasons than making a male friend. I just can't see myself approaching another dude like hey man lets go grab a beer.

AsayWhatMan?! I'd get knocked out.

I think one of the reasons is that men just don't talk that much. I mean like regular talk, past the how's the weather but not as far as how are you feeling. I guess I'm just not in the right places to make a new male friend. If I had to do a job or something with a dude I could see us chillin afterwards or something but other than that, I'm not going out to meet new males. And in Atlanta that's very dangerous. I might end up as some guys play toy.

Poems by G

Yeh, so, I think I'm a poet. I'm rummaging through my old things on a lazy Sunday and I realize I wrote a lot of poems and rhymes between high school to sophomore year in college. So I share some with you.

I remember why I first started to write poetry, to get girls of course! It's how I got my first 3 girlfriends I believe. It wasn't my first poem though. The first one I ever wrote was in 3rd grade. It was an assignment. I wrote about batman. It was good but I can't remember it. It had to do with the man of the night.

I wrote a lot poems about love, fantasies, girls I was mad at because they didn't show me no love then post it online for everybody to see and then get calls from people like how could you do this. Whoa, flashback.

Poems are still a good creative release. Enjoy, snap your fingers, and drink some coffee.

Tainted

Brown eyes flooded with the blood of despair
Can not recognize the color of her heart
When tears fall they stain the glass mirrors
And burn holes through the sheets that hide her from the world
As she sleeps, songs of the sea calms her soul
Until she realizes she's alone and violent rage drowns her emotions
External bliss as she smiles, only for a moment
Melts the thin ice surrounding her heart
Forging crystal figurines through fire
Locked in titanium steel vaults with no lock and key
Growing by the day but still a girl inside cries
While it lies on broken glass, one inch from its death
Wearing a crown of hope for the prince to arrive
But the dragon is her protection
As she speaks, her eyes scream for help
Her touch grabs my soul and demands me never to let go
She disappears as darkness comes upon my eyes
The only thing left is the cold mist from her breath
Shaping into her first facial expression of when I said,
I love you

Please Post A Reply

Can I get some replies
Oh why oh why must a poem die
When not recognized
By wise guys with time
To develop their inner mind
By reading these lines
With one breath that can define
The great track of time
Revealed to the blind
Beloved by few that can claim as mine
Become a legend when betrayed through written crime
Oh why, oh why
Must my poem die
You speak a word of truth or please me with lies
Read words critically and try to criticize
So I can live my ways free and circumcised
Reword the words I say so I to realize
What emotions inside are truly my demise
I shall close my eyes
And when I open up wide
I want to see cries of "whoa" and "that's tight"
Oh try, oh try
Don't let this poem die
You've been given a piece of me you must water with your replies
Listen to my demand as I sigh
From uppin my own poem from the bottom of the pile

Broadcast

Listening to the jams on the radio
Head gassed, holla shorty and all I get is hell no
Seems like every story they sing isn't my reality
Are you feeling me
Or is your head still bouncing to the beat
They say I'll be your everything
But you say I'm just a friend
If I could turn back the hands of time you would be mine again
I can't feel on your booty-yes its-licious
But that baby mama drama got you acting malicious
After saying your name you want me to pay your bills
Misunderstanding songs of Lauryn Hill
Can you be my down ass bitch
Say I'm not offensive till you defending from me putting you down ass bitch
I wanna take a long walk
But end up finger fucking in the park
Cuz its the only time we think no ones watching in the dark
I got bruises from being down on my knees
Its not from begging please
Its because I saw them hotel fees
Just freeze, if you need the ice
The heat will never come on if you looking nice
Won't you be my girlfriend
So I can write another song because you're gone
Then so long, get your bags and get the hell on
It's over now, yet I still scream for peaches and cream
Too many years of broadcasting fantasies
Has turned my reality into a Hip hop melody
The perfect girl is not in Destiny's world
And success is not a 2 million dollar chain with a alligator vest
I must contest the way this game is being played
Making a ripple in the lake bu trying to make a wave

wheat thins help you stay regular

it's important. But its also important to change things up a little. Take a risk, do the unsafe thing. Fear is just an emotion. You know those days when you choose to be unhappy, when you don't feel like talking to nobody? Fear is the same thing. You can choose not to be afraid of what will happen next.

I remember I had a fear of heights and spiders when I was young (I still kinda do). But I got over it. You know how? I got on the tallest balance beam at the park and jumped off. I stared down a spider and killed it with a shoe. Simple as that. You gotta take over your fears. A lot has to do with God as well. People always talk about they trust in God but ask them to take a risk in their life and they won't. They'll say its stupid, unsafe, and God wouldn't approve. But God was there with every other mistake you made what makes you think that when you make a conscious decision He won't continue to be there?

Don't be scared.

water, water, everywhere

glistening, sparkling, trembling, purifying
while the world breathes in the fumes of savagery and chaos
the liquids seep there way into the crevices of inner thought
relaxation takes upon us only for the blinking moment of peace
but tranquility lies in the pastures beyond our gardens
the dew drips down tall blades of flourish
reaching to heavens before the trampling steps of mankind war upon each other
a cool sense of freedom is all that we hope for
as our lips chap to the regrets of pursuit for unconditional love
its life is made to resurrect the death of millions of lost souls
water is for the movement of people.

===========================

So I started drinking water now. A real penny saver. I figure since moms got the beaties I should watch my sugar and salt intake. It only makes sense. She got to drink water only now. Think about after almost 50 years of drinking juice, coffee, soda, sweet gold she's forced to drink water. That's gotta be hard to get used to. So I practice now. We got to learn people or we fall into the same trap as before.

Hopefully I'll lose some weight and then I'll start exercising again. I know what you are thinking, I should do the workout thing right now. I've tried, but what's the point if I'm eating Hardees hamburgers every week (them things are the devil, oh so good). So this time around I'm trying to learn how to eat. No its not a diet, it's a cut back. Cut back on juice, sugar, bread, beer, eating till I'm full. I think I grew the size of my stomach during the discovery of 3.99/lb chinese buffet (if Hardees is the devil, Chinese buffet is his demon son, crab ragoons are so good). I also gotta cut back on eating out and start cooking again. Chef Ya boyz-a-G is back in the kitchen feeling like G. Garvin himself ( I can't wait till I get my own pepper mill). I'm not too bad. I made some pasta with cheese and grilled chicken tenders that was so good, I almost kicked myself. Ladies watch out, I'm becoming the perfect husband (but you still need to know how to cook yourself).

Oh you know what I'm feeling, Kanye West's Can't Tell Me Nothing


Wait till I get my money right. Then you can't tell me nothing. That's how I feel right now. I just got quicken and I'm budgeting, planning, analyzing all of my finances. Oh I ain't rich yet but wait till I get my money right.

keep it moving

In life you'll come to a stand still. Bump it, a stand off. Its just you and your arch nemesis staring at each other with equal ammunition and skill. Who will win? Well you must win because its your life. This is just not a bump in the road or fork in the path. This is the decision to continue on the path. There is always the option of stopping and smelling the roses but what if there is some African wild flower that eats you whole? Do you really want to stop at all?

You have to face your opponent with full force. Keep him from seeing what your move is going to be. Sure he knows exactly who you are. This is what makes him different from every other obstacle you've faced. He knows your favorite weapon, how you like to shoot it, and how fast you can use it. What you gotta do is hit him with something he'll never expect. Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.

me without you

I think of you only to pass the time spent away from you
I wait for you while the phone never rings
I answer to your voice but only my spirit speaks to your emotions
Its what I do to live day to day without your breath dancing down my chest

in a perfect world

what would we do with a perfect world
no violence, no hatred, no competition
no classes, no racism, no religious warfare

I believe we would miss out on a lot. There might be no love, no desire, no motivation. Face all the things wrong in the world is a necessary evil for all the things right. If we didn't fight for what we love than would we love anything. Think about it. When was the last time you had some food that you been dying for all day and when you get to someone else wanted a piece? You would damn near kill that person for trying to touch it. All the bad things in the world are done for love. Sometimes its too much love so it leads to senseless violence. Like if you love yourself too much you can go crazy if something bad happens. So nowadays when a see some crazy fool shooting up people for apparently no reason, I know its just for something he loved too much. Its just a part of life. No surprise. No wondering if one day we won't see it again. Its just life. It comes and it goes. Live it to the fullest.

Liquor and Me

Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me

In the Dark

In the dark I lay with hands folded behind my head
Wishing of time and moment
Thinking of minds and tongues
That hang out like dogs when things get heated
Scratches and bruises appear at the front of ones chest
As women make sounds of broken brakes
And men beat there chest for supremacy

In the dark I lay hands together under cheek
Wishing of death to live
Thinking of Christ and Gentiles
His life beaten like a crumpled weed in the masters garden
Grown out of place with the same color and function
A sore in the gardener's eyes, a symbol of imperfection
The desecration of a single stem began the roots of the many seeds
Harmless in the wind, injecting into gardens across the valleys

In the dark I lay hands apart, palms down
Wishing for love
Thinking of hate
She got away, so let her go, maybe I should call her tomorrow
This love can't be blind, I just need glasses
Better yet contacts to win the social perspective
For if they think I'm cute then who can resist me, right?
She'll be mine again, I'll lock her away with my love
Now, which club should I hit up tomorrow

In the dark I lay one hand under my side the other hanging
Wishing for chocolate cake with white frosting
thinking of the difference tween you and I
Separated by hate and no one really knows why
Abandoned and forgotten of who died on both sides
We want forty acres and a mule and they want to live in peace
Covered in sheets holding onto our necks with one leash
Their faces are as colored as ours

In the dark I lay one hand against the wall the other across my chest
Wishing of her
Thinking of sex
"How I love thee let me count the ways" is that how it went?
Or shall I quote Shakespeare as I rub her back with the tip of my dick
Freaky shit that can never exist
But venture into my mind to see how freaky I can be

In the dark I lay one hand under my head the other on my ass
Wishing for acceptance
Thinking denial
Rejection, low self esteem and lack of confidence imprison my rhyme
Today someone said I was stupid and I replied with nothing
Maybe it was more, displaying a mask of untarnished grins and laughs
A quick wit to return the favor
And so it goes on, till next time the little boy is lashed with a whip

In the dark I lay my hands are gone
There's nothing to hold
Its's time to let go
Dive into the deep realm of my imagination
Create infinite dreams of wish fulfillment
Light appears to reveal the lost sense of control
No one to move me...
No one speaks...
...
...
...
*beep*beep*beep*beep*beep (alarm clock)

truth on self

Today is another one of those days you wake up and feel like nothing is on television, nothing is in the fridge to eat, nothing is worth doing before you go back to be a slave for the man. But since you are up for the day, you might as well breathe and get through it. Maybe someone will make you smile today, but for most of the day you will be day dreaming about a different place in time where you'll be happy and productive.

Crazy thing is, I gots things to do but to lift myself up to do it is a different story. Motivation. Inspiration. Dedication. Drive. The characteristics I'm lacking at this moment. Another one is confidence. I wish I learned these things somewhere in life. I wonder where I missed out on it. I played sports and I wasn't bad, I have good genes to be a athlete but what I lacked was confidence. Without that I didn't think my body could do the things I know I could do because every once in awhile I'd jump so high, run so fast, move so effortlessly.

Where do people learn certain characteristic. I mean I grew up in the same household as my brothers and yet we are all different. It must be in our social lives. I was quiet so I didn't hang out with people that could boost my confidence. But I could play both sides though. People generally like me after I get to know them. Still, I wonder when I lost my chance to be so confident. I guess its just not in me. I have to build my confidence everyday. Stand up to this person, talk to this girl, smile at a stranger. You know for years I would pass by cute girls and not make eye contact. It scared me half to death. I remember a time in the hallway of high school. Nobody there but a cute girl looking at me as she passed by. She smiled. I threw my head down and looked away. Such a shame. And what I've figured out is that there is nothing to be scared about. Everybody is the same. Everybody has self esteem issues. Everybody is scared. Everybody is as unsure as I am. So why do I find myself thinking differently.

I got the skully to face

M to da A to da S to da K
Put the mask on da face just to make the next day (c)Fuggees

You know how you meet some people on the fly. You don't really get to know them but you see them every once in awhile and chat it up about nothing important. This person can be young or old but for some reason you feel like they're alright. Not trust them with the kids alright but not afraid to eat lunch with them one day. But then time goes by and you start to see who they are, what they do but this is not from talking, just from seeing them working at WalMart, walking to the bus stop, never seeing any kids or wife.

So I start to thinking. He's a general nice guy but what happened? Why hasn't he made anything of himself? Do I see some part of me in him? If so will I end up like him? Nice guy but has nothing going for himself, just barely making the bills. Was there a mistake somewhere in life? Was he just not that smart in school or lacked potential? How do I make sure I don't end up like him? Should I sit down with him and find out everything about him so that I can do something different? Or should I find the people are making something of themselves and learn from them? The latter makes more sense but how many times am I going to see that kind of person on the street or train. Bump that what about the hobos, where did they go wrong?

Side note: I was chillin with a friend pumping gas and she decides to clean the windows and does a horrible job. To this I reply, "You would be a horrible hobo." And showed her how to properly wipe a windshield. All I know is I got a job if I got no job. Ya feel me. Is this a sign? If it is, by the end of that year I'll have a team of hobos cleaning up windshields and making bank. I'll prolly end up having to wage war with the westside hobos and take their change begging game. By the next year, I'll own half of the hobo industry in Atlanta only to be recruited as CEO of Coca Cola because I've hurt their short change bottle products. I'll miss my hobo franchise.

territory

dogs piss on theirs. There have been plenty of wars over some. Gang violence is all because of it. White people have figured out that's all you need to make big bucks in this world.

My territory is small, yet it is still mine. That spot on the couch, the drivers seat, my favorite spinning chair, my cellphone. All of it I will die for because every other animal will kill for it.

To keep it short, if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.