moving on

so I guess I don't have time to write anymore. Its a shame. I've had a lot of interesting thoughts and ideas lately but I since I work 14 hours a day, I can't seem to remember what they are. But here is an update of how life has been.

1. I brought the lovely lady home to the folks. It was a big deal. How do I know? Because moms brought out the appetizers, the good china, and dessert. These three things I don't think I've seen brought out in my house more than 3 or 4 times in my life. It was interesting, nerve racking, and shocking all at once. The most important thing that I've learned from the experience is that I don't consider home to be home anymore. I had a strange feeling when I was there and half the time I wished I was back in the Okie Doke. When I made it back to okc everything seemed so familiar. I guess I'm moving on. Meanwhile there are some folks back east that feel that I abandoned them. I have no idea how to deal with that.

2. The trip back home made me think I need therapy. Like most people, the thought that you need therapy is scary because you get put in this special category of crazy. Now I know I'm already a bit crazy, but its in a normal weird way. To be clinically categorized as crazy is one step away from being a hobo on the street. The most messed up part about it is, the people that I feel care about me the most think I need therapy. Great. I might as well start making my sign of cardboard and homelessness. But guess what... fu_k 'em! I over everything that plagues me about my childhood and current relationship with family. I got things to do in order to make it and I will not let them take up my time.

3. Business is booming. I've tripled my clientele since last quarter. Really I went from one to three clients but its progress. And I have an event to market at in the end of April. I'm even more nervous but this time in a good way. This is really pushing me to complete a lot of things and not be so picky about how I design and the decisions I make. I've wasted a lot of time trying to prepare but now its game time. So its ready or not.

4. I'm ready to sell my first home but all I keep hearing is the economy is so bad. Yeah I know the economy is bad but I can't handle this mess that is in Atlanta anymore. Plus life is getting good in OK that I'm ready to move on and cut my ties with the dirty dirty. I know I got a lot of competition with foreclosed homes and HUD house that are selling like hot cakes but I'm hoping there is someone looking to begin the American dream and own a proper home at a decent price. I can't imagine that everyone is only willing to buy broken down homes in Atlanta.

That's all I can think of right now. The rest is mostly the same: bills, work, bills, broke, a girl that makes me smile. There's not much more than that.

Its happening again

I'm playing boss. My manager has decided to let me fill in for my assistant manager whenever he is out. I've gone from sitting in my little cubicle and doing my thing to get through the day to answering everybodys questions and pretending to be social.
She picks me because I'm the best on the team and I expressed that one day I want to be a manager. So that sounds good right? Wrong! I've been down this road before. They let you play boss and as soon as you mess up your bossly duties you're out of there. Plus they don't pay you any more for playing boss so they do their best to keep you in the same spot. Meanwhile all your other coworkers come to you non stop with question you shouldn't be handling.
So what should I do now? I don't want the same mess to happen like last time.
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And why not?

The Bible. A living document. Why not include recent history? Is not Martin Luther The King Jr worthy of a mention in the great book? Is not Ghandi an inspirational story to be share with millions? Are including any of their stories go against the religions that use the bible?

I wonder what is stopping this from happening? I'm sure I'm not to think of it. Is it racial? Is it sacrilegious?

I think one issue may be that this would begin to form an idea of a world bible. And that is just impossible. With all the hatred and arrogance AND ignorance, all the religious factions will never be able to come together and include everyone's take on spirituality. Why can't we all just get along?
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Suckers need to gonna inspire

MOTIVATION. Now you know I don't like to start my blogs with all caps but this is sort of a reminder. I need some motivation. I need to go back to place, th feeling I had when I was in high school creating my model that won third place in the nationals. Yeah that's deep.
Lately I've felt a sense of stagnant inability. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I'm more scared of doing something wrong so I don't do anything at all. Which is stupid.
This is a journey of the mind. And I'm on the breakdown lane. SOS.
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oh my its 2010!

its the new year already. My bad, I've forgotten about letting ya'll know what's going on. So here is the wrap up of 2009: I got fired from my job, I accepted who I am, I fell in love, I traveled, I moved, I got a j.o.b., and I fell deeply in love.

All in all it was a weird year. Very weird. Very new. Taking risks that I wasn't expecting but everything is turning alright (well not everything but when is it ever everything). The best moments in '09 involved substances of the natural matter. The scariest moments involved the same substances. The best vacation was in NC chilling with a life time friend for a week (it gave me the strength to make moves I needed to make). The best party was back home with my friend who finally graduated from college. He ended up in his pool in the backyard and that is when the party shut down. Good times. Biggest regret was taking my brother to court. Greatest accomplishment was starting the ground work for a business idea.

I think this year will be interesting again. I'm still going to make changes in my life. I'm trying not to stress about it. I'm starting to boil down what career I can do. It may not be what I want to do but that is why side hustles are for. I need to sell my condo, buy a new car, move out of my apartment, and purchase the most expensive gift of my life. I feel like that is a lot. I figure I just work on one thing at a time. Take it step by step. Day by day.

the best relationship advice

i've been slowly trying to figure out what this relationship thing is supposed to be about. I feel a lot of times that I am compromising for the other person because I'm in loving and I'm willing to do anything to stay that way. But after this advice I read of okayplayer.com, I think I've been in the wrong.

Here's the advice: (link)

"If your his girl friend.......be his girlfriend.....STOP being a wife to a man that aint married you...."

You see at sometimes I feel my girl is holding back on things like cooking, being there when I get home from work, buying me stuff, etc. But after this advice, I understand now. She says all the time that she knows if we were to get married she'd be doing those things all the time but I didn't want to believe her. Now I'm assuming she's taking this theory to heart, which makes a lot of sense. I feel stupid for not recognizing it. I should be doing the same thing. I am not her husband, therefore I should not have to worry about so many things like her bills, her car, etc.

So a new question arises. What's my purpose as a boyfriend?

I think I have an idea.

For cheat's sake

who should let go of the dream first ? Men or women ? I'm speaking of the dream that there is a relationship that does not have to worry about cheating. I, of course think that its a woman's dream. Believing that any man doesn't at least think about sticking his Johnson in another Mary Sue is foolish. But on the same note, no man should be surprised that women are involved in extra hanky Panky yet we usually are.
So my question again is why do we continue to believe in the idea that cheating shouldn't happen? Are we wrapped around our egos so much that we believe no one should want anyone else? Or is there a fear that if we accept cheating as a natural human behavior we will become a society full of unfathered babies.
BUT WE ALREADY ARE!
We need to stop focusing on the cheating aspect and we need to start teaching people what sex is all about. Pleasure. And massive reproduction.
So next time you get into a relationship just assume your mate is cheating. Matter of fact: pick out the girl he should cheat with. See if has the balls to do it. You might be surprised that he won't ever cheat on you.

Naw! I'm playing. Keep dreaming folks.
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every once in awhile I get to wondering what is this really all about. Then I smack myself awake and hold onto the wheel because I'm driving on the highway and I'm pretty sure the driver next to me doesn't want to exchange insurance papers today. He's probably on the way to his mistress house and would have a hard time explaining to his wife why he was on the north side of town in an accident. Anyways, as I change lanes to an empty spot in front of the stop light only to be first to speed closer to a job I dread, I see the hundred or so birds perched on street lights and telephone polls. Its like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock. They all seem to be devising a plan, a grand plan to lay down a wall of bird poop as the first set of cars drive under them. The only problem is that birds are dumb as f_ck! They can't count so they can never set a time to release the sh!t storm. If this life was really about something, something worth wild, then all of our stories should come true. The aliens should rip through time and space while the earth quakes and opens a deep hole to hell as tsunami waves come crashing down upon it; releasing a fog that seeps into our lungs and turns many to zombies then blocks out the sun and causes an ice age of mass proportions. All of this in just one day. And then there would only be a few of us, survivors; if you want to call us that. We aren't just trying to survive. We're saving the world.

But that's only if this life means anything. Right now, it's just about getting out of this beaten down car I have to hold on to and walk into this dark and bleak building to do a job. A job that was only created for me to obtain more bills and work overtime to get paid a few more cents so that I can pay bills that never seem to end. Its a cycle of bullsh!t

Thank God I'm a writer.

da ghetto pass aka the black card

i've been intrigued lately with down to the bones white people who get a ghetto pass. You know who I'm talking about. If we were boarding a ship back to Africa to save our black asses from some impending doom, people like Robin Thicke and Bill Clinton would get a pass to the front and leave Maya Angelou behind. What's the qualifications for this pass?

I think this is a serious discussion that needs to be had at our next black forum. We have to have standards here so that we don't get confused and have another vanilla ice on our hands. And for those of you who think that this is all racist and that we should embrace everyone, I call bullspit. Because the majority of black people I know (and I don't just mean the dudes back home) only like black culture; there's no rock 'n roll in their playlists. All I'm saying lets come to a decision to how we accept people of the opposite color in the general black public before we make a big mistake.


PS. I want to see a movie about racism now. What if there was no Emancipation? What if we were still fighting for Civil Rights? How would that look now with all this technology and economical decline? What other laws would be in place? Could there be possibly another Civil War?

I think it would make for an interesting movie? Let's try something different.

make money doing nothing

is just saw this ad on my own blog page and that is exactly the career I want. And I'm not too far from it. I have three book ideas in the works that I know if I can just finish them, I'll be able to one day sit around and collect checks from a best seller.

See I don't want to enjoy doing work so it seem like I'm not working at all. I want to not work at all and enjoy it. There are plenty of people in my life that may read this and be disappointed. Some may say I have too much potential and I'm wasting my career opportunities. I understand all that and there is no excuse. Just pray that I can complete these novels and then my dreams will come true.

on my time

lately I've been venturing into this business idea that involves me doing a lot of work that I enjoy. The only problem is that when I talk to other people and I mention how slow I want to move, they take the joy out. Honestly, I don't "love" to make money (I'd love to have it, but making money just reminds me of paying bills). So when people are pushing me to get a million clients by tomorrow, quit my job, and open a factory, I feel like they are sucking all of the fun out of my dream job.

I know at some point you have to work hard for what you want, but then at the same time I'm supposed to enjoy what I do. I don't enjoy working hard. Let me correct that, I don't enjoy working hard to get paid. I know, what an oxymoron. But if you've ever worked on a hot summer day in the yard of your parents' house just because they needed some help then you'll understand why I hate working hard for money. When you are working because you love your parents, the reward is the love from your parents. You have to agree that is more valuable than money. When you work hard for money, you never feel like you are getting paid enough. It becomes a game of greed vs. cheap.

I explain this because in my business venture, I've decided not to pressure myself with other folks ideas of trying to make a million dollars by the end of next year. I know I will continue this venture because its all beginning to make sense and I feel a close attachment to it. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a lot of money from this business one day but if I only make $200 by the end of this year I don't believe I will have failed. You must account for my involvement in the timeless beginnings of love.

Only one

Because of a very good blog http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/1984-and-more-how-important-is-spreading-the-right-seeds/ I have decided today to have just one child. I figure since these little hoodrats are covering the earth with "no chance" kids, I'm going to do my part and have just one kid.
That's right just one. One little monster to make mistakes. One little genius to make me rich. One little brat to spoil with love.
I think its time we start following all of China's rules. More schooling. Two babies max per couple.
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Rush Limbaugh has rights

I never do recent political drama but I'm all amped in NFL news because of fantasy football (its my first year).
Rush Limbaugh got money. He wants to buy ownership of a football team. Wait a minute he's an outspoken racist so he can't right? Wrong!
He has every right to. To assume that there aren't any racists owning a large group of black people in america is ridiculous. The only difference is that they don't get paid for talking in a racist manner. But I'm sure they do far more racist things. How long did it take before a black coach was allowed?
Accepting that there are racists in this great land is a hard pill to swallow because we don't know what that will mean. I think most people would fear that slavery will come back. But as much as we accept black people to hate all whites, we should start to realize white people don't like black people either.
And this why President Barack deserves the Nobel. Only he can help this nation solve its issues.

*wow. Two political topics. This is insane. I guess I'm becoming just like my father.
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The content of my character not the content of my jeans

I had a special moment this morning. A revelation if you will. I've heard the saying don't judge people because only God can judge, so many times as a scapegoat for flaws in ones life. I've always been against that. I invite people to tell me what they think. Its absurd to think that I don't care what they are thinking. If I didn't care I would go to work in boxer briefs everyday (they comfortable).
What people shouldn't judge is what I have. We all can't afford they same things. That doesn't mean you're better than me because I decided to eat for a week rather than get the latest pair of Jordan's. That's unfair. Judge me for the decision I made to stay alive. So the next time I show up to work in nothing but my superman boxers, don't judge the color of my shorts. Judge the decision not to include the cape.
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frozen chest hairs

i'm sick... again. How sad is this? I usually get sick two or three times a year. And when I do I get over it with out any pills or going to the doctors. In the past 3 weeks I've gotten sick twice. Now I'm taking allergy pills when I have the flu because I'm too stubborn to go and get the right stuff.

I hate being sick. Its like your whole body is losing in a bacteria war. My mother keeps telling me to go to the hospital and get medication. She's really just scared that I will die from h1n1 because she got it and she keeps a tab on how many people have died this year from this strand. Its going to take a whole lot more than some media hyped disease to get me.

Its my fault I'm sick a second time. Winter is coming and I decide to sleep bare chested with just a bed sheet. So naturally it gets colder early in the morning than in the day and night. So as soon as I woke up I could feel it in the back of my throat.

Oh well. No matter what, I'm back to work tommorrow.

Greatest love story ever told

Last night on NBC the ending and the beginning of a great (if not the greatest) love story ever told. Jim and Pam from the hit show The Office had their wedding.
This relationship is close to my heart because of the trial they had to go through. Both Jim and Pam were in love with each other from the start. You could always see it in Pam's eyes that if she wasn't engaged with the wrong guy, Jim was her soul mate.
Now some say Jim should have been more of a man and claimed Pam from jump street. I believe this is the worst idea. Every man knows that if you steal a woman from another man, she will more than likely leave you later for the next guy. Plus out of respect for man law you don't break up another mans love. Now, in the words of R. Kelly , "don't get mad if your chick decide to leave with me... Quit running around here bitchin and tighten up your game."

I guess I'm more in love with the whole relationship because its the same way I would have handled it. I don't think he knew he was going to marry her before they got together (so that cheesy line was a little far fetched) but when they combined, I think he realized it.
But really this post is to correct a statement I read on another blog that Jim was a bitchass. Well i'll be damn! I didn't know being a gentlemen was a bitchass move these days. Listen. Love goes through a journey. Real love does. All the other stuff just isn't real. It just ends up in divorce or an equal hatred for one another. So learn people. Learn from the great stories of our times. And this is one of them.
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Constant flow

My constant state of mind is in a constant state of rhyme
So when rap a line I'm in a constant state in time

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who am I?

new job. New people. New sh!t to deal with.

So I've been staying pretty quiet in training until yesterday when I decided to have a fun and crack jokes during a game of "who am I?": basically an ice breaker game. Everybody was so surprised that I was cracking jokes and having fun. I know who I am: the fun loving nerd who takes over a room when necessary.

Now everybody thinks I'm some kind of comedian when really I just like to have fun when it is allowed. I won't disrupt the class for my amusement. I'm not really looking for new friends. I don't care if I'm by myself. I feel like I've figured out the kind of people I want around me. I choose not to talk to the rest, yet they think I'm just too quiet.

I like being quiet. It gives me a chance to understand people. That way I know how to deal with you in the future; whether or not I should waist my time with you. So they can think I'm shy, but really I'm just an efficient socialist.

Annihilation

I'm not scared to admit it. I suck at Madden Football. I can't score because of interceptions and I can't tackle. But something in me won't quit. See I can't play for fun. Everything is a competition. Every game is a test of my manhood. If I don't win what will I tell my kids in the future?
I know I should just reduce the difficulty level and work my way up but I'm too stubborn to submit. What I've learned from the mistake on the virtual field is that I don't make good split second decisions. This is good to know because I try to stay away from impulse decisions in real life.
See me in an action adventure and i'll terrorize you.
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The bigger the better?

So my place of employment is filled with overweight people. I'm not using the term overweight in its recent definition for american society as a whole but in the meaning of 300+ lbs, need two seats to sit, and have a hard time deciding how to fit through tight spaces. This scares me.

I'm not scare that if we ever get trapped in the building these people would begin to look at me as a side on their dinner plate. I'm scared because I wonder if it is the job that is making them this fat or is this job more likely to hire them with these conditions. Either way I'm screwed. Seeing this many obese people might make me find it comfortable and accepting to have a second helping of twinkies.

I know I'm being pretty rude. Given the choice I know these people would choose an easier life but because of emotions and low metabolisms they suffer. But I just can't shake the feeling that I now must study them. I think I'm supposed to learn something from them.

I'll try to let you know what I discover.
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