for the coup des grande sauce

The Boondocks. I love it I love it I love it.

the fam ain't eating cheddar biscuts

what part of the game is that?

I needs my cheddar.

nowhamsayin?

riley's that dude

I'd move. I'm just saying. It's pee.

lets recap

I'm 24, college graduate, in Atlanta, working for the man, writing novels and screenplays.

Where do I want to be in five years?
Married, an author, respected creative, possible comedian, and recovering alcoholic.

I think I can make it happen.

Lately I've wondered whether or not I have a dream. You know what they say about people without dreams: they're worthless (I'm paraphrasing). But people have these dreams to be doctors, lawyers, actors, rich. I realize I have no dream job. I enjoy a lot of things and I'm a hard working man so nothing is too hard for me to do. To me I don't think it matters what job I have. As long as I can provide for a wife and kids I'll be happy.

My dream is to be able to provide for a family.

That doesn't satisfy you. That's fine. Its my dream. I'll get there however I need to.

crack music

i guess writing when you don't feel like writing is a good way to write. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to think about anything. But how can I stop myself from thinking. Especially when lately there is not a lot of people to talk to. I'm just trying to fill the quota for the month here. Nothing special will come of this.

Here's one thing I've thought about: music is way to easy to get with this internet thing. I never get a chance to listen to an album for a month straight. Everyday I download something and it's never a whole album but what artist makes a whole album anymore. Nowadays its all about the singles. But I remember back in the day I would put in a cd on repeat for six hours straight while doing homework or something for a whole month before I would decide to change it. Now with a library of music, I never listen to an album for more than two weeks. Of course I go back to the classics (Aquemini is the greatest album of all time), but new music never gets a listen to. This sucks because there are certain songs on an album from your favorite that you don't get the first couple of times and need to listen to it for a month straight to realize how good it is but you don't because you got a new album to listen to. And what I hate especially, my favorite artists that I still support by buying the album end not getting heard but I feel okay because I still supported. Its like crack, I'm looking for that first initial high from the first album.

I don't know what to make of the music these days, that's why I find myself listen to grown folk music. Can you imagine one day I will have to explain to my grandkids who Michael Jackson is or was? The king of pop. Weird, right?

crazy nights, scary days

the other day I woke up stressed. What's up with that? It was the strangest feeling. All night I was tossing and turning almost fighting myself in my sleep. Then I woke up and I felt as if I had a million and one things to do and not enough time to do it, just stressed. I wonder whats really going on with me. My dreams have become more vivid and strange lately. The other night I dreamed I saved a crackhead's baby from internally bleeding and Whoopi Goldberg was a bartender telling me I did a good job. I don't really like interpreting dreams but I get scared when they get so detailed. Cause I have de-ja-vu often and I believe its from my dreams.

During the day, everything is so routine. I feel like I need something different but I don't know if I'm ready. Just cause you wish for something don't mean you ready. And when you get something you never feel like you're ready. But all in due time, right? The only thing I know about this crazy life is that I don't know anything about this crazy life. These words have been stated over and over again but who still feels the same way, this guy.

happy MLK day

the animal personality test

You're a beaver. Beavers tend to be intellectually busy, always questioning why things are the way they are, and how stuff works. You think logically, and tend to be less emotional. You may be very organized, putting things where you know you'll be able to find them later, or use an "inner filing system" to record experiences. Beavers like to take things apart... and take people apart as well, making them some of the toughest critics. They set high standards for others, and themselves.

In relationships, beavers are advised to avoid the spontaneous, risk taking otter. They don't always understand each other very well. Instead, they are advised to pair up with a laid back Golden Retriever or an adventurous Lion.

AND IF I WERE AN INDIAN...

Your Native American Name Is...

Ahote Kotori Your name means: Restless Screech Owl Spirit

What's Your Native American Name?

why i'll never be white

*disclaimer: I have no ill will toward white people. I am an equal opportunity racists. I hate all kinds of people, even niggers (yes ni-ggers). I just realize why I can't be one of those negros that white people accept into their groups (Oreos).

I can never be white because I circle black on applications.
I can never be white because the law says I'm black.
I can never be white because the police pull me over and ask me, "Do you know where you're going?"

I can never be white because the sun doesn't bruise my skin.
I can never be white because I can't swim very well.
I can never be white because I need lotion to keep me black (I get real ashy).

I can never be white because "Oh my Gawd, Beckyyyy" doesn't come out of my mouth.
I can never be white because I can't speak proper English.
I can never be white because I speak multiple languages that aren't in their dictionary.

I can never be white because I can't wear a t-shirt without an undershirt.
I can never be white because I never wear sandals outside my house.
I can never be white because my jeans need to have room in them.

I can never be white because I'm taught to spend not save.
I can never be white because a Mercedes Benz S-class is something on TV and not in the driveway.
I can never be white because I can go to sleep hungry.

I can never be white because God made me who I am and I'm a black man.

its the profressor

that's what they call me at work now. I don't know if I like it yet. I know I mess around saying I'm old but to call me a professor is admitting to it (not ready for that yet). I ain't even the oldest or know more in the job but I guess I be giving assignments to this people. Nah mean.

Another thing they do is call me bossy. I don't see how. Just because I ask you to do something in a form of a statement and not question does not mean I'm bossy. It has to be done whatever I say right, so why ask. What really gets people is when I tell them what I'm going to do without asking if I can do it. Listen people if I say I'm going to do something and you don't want me to do it, you better have a valid reason why I shouldn't do it or I'm going to do it anyway. And if you don't want me to do it you can tell me not to, my word is not final (yet). But I do what I do and want to do because I dare you to stop me. I demand this life to be lived.

Stop hating and get money my nig!

new years eve

Its the last day of the year 2007 and I've been drinking since last week. Welcome 2008.

Quotes of the Year 2007

January 2007
To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies).

Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.

Februray 2007
I'm a lazy cotton picker.

March 2007
if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.

You would be a horrible hobo.

April 2007
She can get it with a ladder.

... you stopped playing imaginary x-men in the backyard and started kissing Slutty Sherry down the street.

please look at this as the creative juice that flows through my veins (prolly tastes like red kool aid).

Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me

May 2007
Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.

July 2007
The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind.

nuff said.

August 2007
If growing up was hard, being grown is even harder.

a catch 22. Damn if I don't, damn if I can't get a moment of peace.

September 2007
when there is nothing left to say, smack a muthaf_ker in the face.

October 2007
Black people should kill niggas

November 2007
Does shit stink?

December 2007
I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea.

normal guy

nuff said.

untitled poem

a precious thought becomes of us
together under the peeled sun
pressed against the skin of our gala
we are seeds that need love poured on our souls
so we... can feed the nation

death among us

so lately I've noticed a trend. And yes I have a late pass for it. Skulls, especially in hip-hop. Everything is either a skull or in the shape of a skull. I saw the other day a tshirt with colorful monkeys that formed a skull. Seems like every rapper has a skull tattoo or chain. I'm just wondering why is there so much reference to death in this genre. Is it just this genre or is every designer fixated on death.

I thing as people we always focus on death but I just haven't seen it in everyday clothing as much as I see it now. I don't know. Maybe when all my questions get answered this skull phenomenon will have been a sign.

Speaking of death, I think I figured out what I will do with my life if things don't go well in this design biz: funeral director. Think about it if I own a funeral parlor, I'm guaranteed to get paid because everybody dies. That is the one thing you can always depend on. Plus there is no big advertising, just great real estate. Put a parlor in the hood and I'm bound to get business. I'd even hook up the flower arrangements real gangsta like. I just gotta practice on my deeply sincere voice, "I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea."

jesus, I had a dream

i have a lot of dreams but last night's dream seem to mean something. Now I'm not one to think much about dreams because I just believe they are wish fulfillments. Because if we could really dream the future or interpret the future than why aren't half of us psychics by now? Plus anything that I have dreamed before has never come true. I've had some dejavu which I believe were from my dreams but nothing that effected my life.

Anywho, let me get to the dream Jesus. At first I was watching these broke women who I swear were one of my customers at work. But one of them looked homeless and she had a black trash bag full of stuff. She started walking with this bag and quickly got out of my sight.

So then I started walking. While traversing down a street that resembled a street behind my house in Brockton, I noticed a dollar on the ground. I picked it up. I walked a few more feet and saw another dollar. Then I noticed it was a trail of dollars. I started picking them all up. Some were fives, one was a hundred. I was thinking at first this was my lucky day. But then I was thinking is this a setup. Is all this money really that homeless lady's money and she was leading to a trap.

All of a sudden I looked up and there were other people picking up the money. I didn't want to be greedy so I didn't say anything but continued to pick up the money that was around me. I wasn't trying to beat people to every dollar because I felt like this was everyone's to share.

That's it, Jesus. I'm trying to make sense of it. Initial reaction, ya boy about to fall into some money. Great! Maybe a raise, maybe win the lotto (i should play the lotto), maybe a business adventure. I think it might be about business. Because when other people in the dream started getting money I was willing to share. They weren't my partners, more like competition but I felt like everybody could get a piece.

But then I thought, money? Really? Is it that simple? Dreams never are. What if the money represents something else? What if I'm just going to gain something, an emotion, a friend? But I also have to share this thing. What else can you gain and share at the same time, Jesus?

I don't know. Maybe it's time to get back to church.

looking for new music

I stumbled on Mishal Moore. I know its cliche now to discover good music on youtube or myspace but she sounds so soulful. Can't help it. Check her out http://www.myspace.com/mishalmmoore

G are with me?!

I don't know why I feel like writing today. You know I have work to do right? Anywho, feelings right now are all confused (what's new right). I think it's cuz I only have two weeks left of school, that means crunch time. Means all those days I took a break for too long is going to equal many nights of coffee and 3 am hallucinations. Its fun when your eyes start to roll back into your head and you catch yourself like you're actually going to beat the sleepyiness. Or better yet, when you can't seem to stop cuz the red bull got your heart pumping three times faster than it should be and you're scared if you stop it will explode. Its like the ticking bomb on the movie speed, if you drop below 55 wpm its over.

I feel content for y'all that don't know. I'm proud of myself (pat on the back). I've been away from family and dealing with bills and responsibility for over 2 years now and there hasn't been a problem yet. Man, if I was honest with y'all I didn't think I would have made it that day I left my mom's house. I think I had more fear than she did. I didn't expect her to cry that day, but it almost made me feel like I was headed in the right direction. That sounds horrible but I knew I was very dependable on my parents and in order for me to grow I had to leave. Cliche I know, but if I didn't leave I could never be proud of myself. But more is to come and I hope and pray that I can continue to be proud of myself. There's a lot to learn out here. God if you with me, let's do this!

damn girl you got baggage

aint' nothing worst than meeting a girl and you find out she got kids. Like damn a niggga beat me to the punch. Not that I want to be the babydaddy but yeah I wanted to hit that. But now she got baggage including a living being that will never know what a stable fable is. Not to say that there are not a lot of single mothers that raise proud doctors and lawyers but lets be real that few a far between. Its already hard enough for the black man.

But that's just one thing I don't like about the ATL. Women got kids. What am i going to do with your kids? I'm a kid myself. You'll end raising to of 'em. And then the babymommas have a tendency to look at you like, if you were a real man the kids wouldn't matter. Because I'm a man I know not to mess with kids. Girl you on your own with that one.

I don't get it ATL do we not know about condoms down here or are you just doing it way too much. Find another hobby.