the other day I woke up stressed. What's up with that? It was the strangest feeling. All night I was tossing and turning almost fighting myself in my sleep. Then I woke up and I felt as if I had a million and one things to do and not enough time to do it, just stressed. I wonder whats really going on with me. My dreams have become more vivid and strange lately. The other night I dreamed I saved a crackhead's baby from internally bleeding and Whoopi Goldberg was a bartender telling me I did a good job. I don't really like interpreting dreams but I get scared when they get so detailed. Cause I have de-ja-vu often and I believe its from my dreams.
During the day, everything is so routine. I feel like I need something different but I don't know if I'm ready. Just cause you wish for something don't mean you ready. And when you get something you never feel like you're ready. But all in due time, right? The only thing I know about this crazy life is that I don't know anything about this crazy life. These words have been stated over and over again but who still feels the same way, this guy.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
the animal personality test
You're a beaver. Beavers tend to be intellectually busy, always questioning why things are the way they are, and how stuff works. You think logically, and tend to be less emotional. You may be very organized, putting things where you know you'll be able to find them later, or use an "inner filing system" to record experiences. Beavers like to take things apart... and take people apart as well, making them some of the toughest critics. They set high standards for others, and themselves.
In relationships, beavers are advised to avoid the spontaneous, risk taking otter. They don't always understand each other very well. Instead, they are advised to pair up with a laid back Golden Retriever or an adventurous Lion.
AND IF I WERE AN INDIAN...
Your Native American Name Is... |
 |
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
why i'll never be white
*disclaimer: I have no ill will toward white people. I am an equal opportunity racists. I hate all kinds of people, even niggers (yes ni-ggers). I just realize why I can't be one of those negros that white people accept into their groups (Oreos).
I can never be white because I circle black on applications.
I can never be white because the law says I'm black.
I can never be white because the police pull me over and ask me, "Do you know where you're going?"
I can never be white because the sun doesn't bruise my skin.
I can never be white because I can't swim very well.
I can never be white because I need lotion to keep me black (I get real ashy).
I can never be white because "Oh my Gawd, Beckyyyy" doesn't come out of my mouth.
I can never be white because I can't speak proper English.
I can never be white because I speak multiple languages that aren't in their dictionary.
I can never be white because I can't wear a t-shirt without an undershirt.
I can never be white because I never wear sandals outside my house.
I can never be white because my jeans need to have room in them.
I can never be white because I'm taught to spend not save.
I can never be white because a Mercedes Benz S-class is something on TV and not in the driveway.
I can never be white because I can go to sleep hungry.
I can never be white because God made me who I am and I'm a black man.
I can never be white because I circle black on applications.
I can never be white because the law says I'm black.
I can never be white because the police pull me over and ask me, "Do you know where you're going?"
I can never be white because the sun doesn't bruise my skin.
I can never be white because I can't swim very well.
I can never be white because I need lotion to keep me black (I get real ashy).
I can never be white because "Oh my Gawd, Beckyyyy" doesn't come out of my mouth.
I can never be white because I can't speak proper English.
I can never be white because I speak multiple languages that aren't in their dictionary.
I can never be white because I can't wear a t-shirt without an undershirt.
I can never be white because I never wear sandals outside my house.
I can never be white because my jeans need to have room in them.
I can never be white because I'm taught to spend not save.
I can never be white because a Mercedes Benz S-class is something on TV and not in the driveway.
I can never be white because I can go to sleep hungry.
I can never be white because God made me who I am and I'm a black man.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
its the profressor
that's what they call me at work now. I don't know if I like it yet. I know I mess around saying I'm old but to call me a professor is admitting to it (not ready for that yet). I ain't even the oldest or know more in the job but I guess I be giving assignments to this people. Nah mean.
Another thing they do is call me bossy. I don't see how. Just because I ask you to do something in a form of a statement and not question does not mean I'm bossy. It has to be done whatever I say right, so why ask. What really gets people is when I tell them what I'm going to do without asking if I can do it. Listen people if I say I'm going to do something and you don't want me to do it, you better have a valid reason why I shouldn't do it or I'm going to do it anyway. And if you don't want me to do it you can tell me not to, my word is not final (yet). But I do what I do and want to do because I dare you to stop me. I demand this life to be lived.
Stop hating and get money my nig!
Another thing they do is call me bossy. I don't see how. Just because I ask you to do something in a form of a statement and not question does not mean I'm bossy. It has to be done whatever I say right, so why ask. What really gets people is when I tell them what I'm going to do without asking if I can do it. Listen people if I say I'm going to do something and you don't want me to do it, you better have a valid reason why I shouldn't do it or I'm going to do it anyway. And if you don't want me to do it you can tell me not to, my word is not final (yet). But I do what I do and want to do because I dare you to stop me. I demand this life to be lived.
Stop hating and get money my nig!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
new years eve
Its the last day of the year 2007 and I've been drinking since last week. Welcome 2008.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Quotes of the Year 2007
January 2007
To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies).
Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.
Februray 2007
I'm a lazy cotton picker.
March 2007
if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.
You would be a horrible hobo.
April 2007
She can get it with a ladder.
... you stopped playing imaginary x-men in the backyard and started kissing Slutty Sherry down the street.
please look at this as the creative juice that flows through my veins (prolly tastes like red kool aid).
Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me
May 2007
Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.
July 2007
The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind.
nuff said.
August 2007
If growing up was hard, being grown is even harder.
a catch 22. Damn if I don't, damn if I can't get a moment of peace.
September 2007
when there is nothing left to say, smack a muthaf_ker in the face.
October 2007
Black people should kill niggas
November 2007
Does shit stink?
December 2007
I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea.
To all of those that are weak, unreliable, and no hope for the future I say throw them to the lions (which consists of a bunch of alley cats, but they got rabbies).
Basically, life isn't some precious thing that we all need to savor and try to make extra long. Live it! or kill yourself.
Februray 2007
I'm a lazy cotton picker.
March 2007
if that b**** don't get out of my spot on the couch, she gonna catch a elbow to her left temple.
You would be a horrible hobo.
April 2007
She can get it with a ladder.
... you stopped playing imaginary x-men in the backyard and started kissing Slutty Sherry down the street.
please look at this as the creative juice that flows through my veins (prolly tastes like red kool aid).
Liquor is me, liquor I be
Fun with liquor, I love liquor and me
May 2007
Take out the bazooka on his ass. Boom! Destroy everything: the path, the enemy, even a piece of yourself. When the ashes fall and the smoke lifts, look at the new ground in front of you and create your new road.
July 2007
The beautiful design/experiment/accident/confused state of mind.
nuff said.
August 2007
If growing up was hard, being grown is even harder.
a catch 22. Damn if I don't, damn if I can't get a moment of peace.
September 2007
when there is nothing left to say, smack a muthaf_ker in the face.
October 2007
Black people should kill niggas
November 2007
Does shit stink?
December 2007
I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
untitled poem
a precious thought becomes of us
together under the peeled sun
pressed against the skin of our gala
we are seeds that need love poured on our souls
so we... can feed the nation
together under the peeled sun
pressed against the skin of our gala
we are seeds that need love poured on our souls
so we... can feed the nation
Monday, December 10, 2007
death among us
so lately I've noticed a trend. And yes I have a late pass for it. Skulls, especially in hip-hop. Everything is either a skull or in the shape of a skull. I saw the other day a tshirt with colorful monkeys that formed a skull. Seems like every rapper has a skull tattoo or chain. I'm just wondering why is there so much reference to death in this genre. Is it just this genre or is every designer fixated on death.
I thing as people we always focus on death but I just haven't seen it in everyday clothing as much as I see it now. I don't know. Maybe when all my questions get answered this skull phenomenon will have been a sign.
Speaking of death, I think I figured out what I will do with my life if things don't go well in this design biz: funeral director. Think about it if I own a funeral parlor, I'm guaranteed to get paid because everybody dies. That is the one thing you can always depend on. Plus there is no big advertising, just great real estate. Put a parlor in the hood and I'm bound to get business. I'd even hook up the flower arrangements real gangsta like. I just gotta practice on my deeply sincere voice, "I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea."
I thing as people we always focus on death but I just haven't seen it in everyday clothing as much as I see it now. I don't know. Maybe when all my questions get answered this skull phenomenon will have been a sign.
Speaking of death, I think I figured out what I will do with my life if things don't go well in this design biz: funeral director. Think about it if I own a funeral parlor, I'm guaranteed to get paid because everybody dies. That is the one thing you can always depend on. Plus there is no big advertising, just great real estate. Put a parlor in the hood and I'm bound to get business. I'd even hook up the flower arrangements real gangsta like. I just gotta practice on my deeply sincere voice, "I'm sorry for your lost ma'am. Have some peppermint tea."
Thursday, November 29, 2007
jesus, I had a dream
i have a lot of dreams but last night's dream seem to mean something. Now I'm not one to think much about dreams because I just believe they are wish fulfillments. Because if we could really dream the future or interpret the future than why aren't half of us psychics by now? Plus anything that I have dreamed before has never come true. I've had some dejavu which I believe were from my dreams but nothing that effected my life.
Anywho, let me get to the dream Jesus. At first I was watching these broke women who I swear were one of my customers at work. But one of them looked homeless and she had a black trash bag full of stuff. She started walking with this bag and quickly got out of my sight.
So then I started walking. While traversing down a street that resembled a street behind my house in Brockton, I noticed a dollar on the ground. I picked it up. I walked a few more feet and saw another dollar. Then I noticed it was a trail of dollars. I started picking them all up. Some were fives, one was a hundred. I was thinking at first this was my lucky day. But then I was thinking is this a setup. Is all this money really that homeless lady's money and she was leading to a trap.
All of a sudden I looked up and there were other people picking up the money. I didn't want to be greedy so I didn't say anything but continued to pick up the money that was around me. I wasn't trying to beat people to every dollar because I felt like this was everyone's to share.
That's it, Jesus. I'm trying to make sense of it. Initial reaction, ya boy about to fall into some money. Great! Maybe a raise, maybe win the lotto (i should play the lotto), maybe a business adventure. I think it might be about business. Because when other people in the dream started getting money I was willing to share. They weren't my partners, more like competition but I felt like everybody could get a piece.
But then I thought, money? Really? Is it that simple? Dreams never are. What if the money represents something else? What if I'm just going to gain something, an emotion, a friend? But I also have to share this thing. What else can you gain and share at the same time, Jesus?
I don't know. Maybe it's time to get back to church.
Anywho, let me get to the dream Jesus. At first I was watching these broke women who I swear were one of my customers at work. But one of them looked homeless and she had a black trash bag full of stuff. She started walking with this bag and quickly got out of my sight.
So then I started walking. While traversing down a street that resembled a street behind my house in Brockton, I noticed a dollar on the ground. I picked it up. I walked a few more feet and saw another dollar. Then I noticed it was a trail of dollars. I started picking them all up. Some were fives, one was a hundred. I was thinking at first this was my lucky day. But then I was thinking is this a setup. Is all this money really that homeless lady's money and she was leading to a trap.
All of a sudden I looked up and there were other people picking up the money. I didn't want to be greedy so I didn't say anything but continued to pick up the money that was around me. I wasn't trying to beat people to every dollar because I felt like this was everyone's to share.
That's it, Jesus. I'm trying to make sense of it. Initial reaction, ya boy about to fall into some money. Great! Maybe a raise, maybe win the lotto (i should play the lotto), maybe a business adventure. I think it might be about business. Because when other people in the dream started getting money I was willing to share. They weren't my partners, more like competition but I felt like everybody could get a piece.
But then I thought, money? Really? Is it that simple? Dreams never are. What if the money represents something else? What if I'm just going to gain something, an emotion, a friend? But I also have to share this thing. What else can you gain and share at the same time, Jesus?
I don't know. Maybe it's time to get back to church.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
looking for new music
I stumbled on Mishal Moore. I know its cliche now to discover good music on youtube or myspace but she sounds so soulful. Can't help it. Check her out http://www.myspace.com/mishalmmoore
G are with me?!
I don't know why I feel like writing today. You know I have work to do right? Anywho, feelings right now are all confused (what's new right). I think it's cuz I only have two weeks left of school, that means crunch time. Means all those days I took a break for too long is going to equal many nights of coffee and 3 am hallucinations. Its fun when your eyes start to roll back into your head and you catch yourself like you're actually going to beat the sleepyiness. Or better yet, when you can't seem to stop cuz the red bull got your heart pumping three times faster than it should be and you're scared if you stop it will explode. Its like the ticking bomb on the movie speed, if you drop below 55 wpm its over.
I feel content for y'all that don't know. I'm proud of myself (pat on the back). I've been away from family and dealing with bills and responsibility for over 2 years now and there hasn't been a problem yet. Man, if I was honest with y'all I didn't think I would have made it that day I left my mom's house. I think I had more fear than she did. I didn't expect her to cry that day, but it almost made me feel like I was headed in the right direction. That sounds horrible but I knew I was very dependable on my parents and in order for me to grow I had to leave. Cliche I know, but if I didn't leave I could never be proud of myself. But more is to come and I hope and pray that I can continue to be proud of myself. There's a lot to learn out here. God if you with me, let's do this!
I feel content for y'all that don't know. I'm proud of myself (pat on the back). I've been away from family and dealing with bills and responsibility for over 2 years now and there hasn't been a problem yet. Man, if I was honest with y'all I didn't think I would have made it that day I left my mom's house. I think I had more fear than she did. I didn't expect her to cry that day, but it almost made me feel like I was headed in the right direction. That sounds horrible but I knew I was very dependable on my parents and in order for me to grow I had to leave. Cliche I know, but if I didn't leave I could never be proud of myself. But more is to come and I hope and pray that I can continue to be proud of myself. There's a lot to learn out here. God if you with me, let's do this!
Friday, November 23, 2007
damn girl you got baggage
aint' nothing worst than meeting a girl and you find out she got kids. Like damn a niggga beat me to the punch. Not that I want to be the babydaddy but yeah I wanted to hit that. But now she got baggage including a living being that will never know what a stable fable is. Not to say that there are not a lot of single mothers that raise proud doctors and lawyers but lets be real that few a far between. Its already hard enough for the black man.
But that's just one thing I don't like about the ATL. Women got kids. What am i going to do with your kids? I'm a kid myself. You'll end raising to of 'em. And then the babymommas have a tendency to look at you like, if you were a real man the kids wouldn't matter. Because I'm a man I know not to mess with kids. Girl you on your own with that one.
I don't get it ATL do we not know about condoms down here or are you just doing it way too much. Find another hobby.
But that's just one thing I don't like about the ATL. Women got kids. What am i going to do with your kids? I'm a kid myself. You'll end raising to of 'em. And then the babymommas have a tendency to look at you like, if you were a real man the kids wouldn't matter. Because I'm a man I know not to mess with kids. Girl you on your own with that one.
I don't get it ATL do we not know about condoms down here or are you just doing it way too much. Find another hobby.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Does shit stink?
Think about it. Is it the actual smell that is bothersome or is it the fact that we have been trained to recognize that smell as something awful. We all know that feces can become a problem with diseases and infection so have we as human beings just made a correlation with the smell with something to avoid.
Shit doesn't really stink. Animals smell their own shit and other animals shit in order to identify territory. If the basic human being is an animal than obviously shit doesn't stink. It is just that we categorize the shit smell as bad at an earlier age so now as adults every time we recognize the smell we immediately say, damn that stinks.
Shit doesn't really stink. Animals smell their own shit and other animals shit in order to identify territory. If the basic human being is an animal than obviously shit doesn't stink. It is just that we categorize the shit smell as bad at an earlier age so now as adults every time we recognize the smell we immediately say, damn that stinks.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
what's wrong?
shit you tell me.
You mean I'll never get to see you again.
with the way its going I'm guessing so.
Well what am I supposed to say to that?
i don't know.
Where do we go from here?
are separate ways hopefully.
That's it, separate ways? You're so full of it.
am I?
Shut up. If I never see you again then that's fine. Get the fuck out.
you don't need to be harsh.
You stole my heart.
i'll have it back to you by Friday.
Whatever. Are we done here?
you see me leaving don't you?
That's right, get the fuck out and never come back again. Ignorant fuck.
you just can't get enough of this can you?
Enough of what?
the drama.
Oh I'm all about the drama! You want to see drama?! Drama this bitch!
*shotgun BLAWH!*****
You mean I'll never get to see you again.
with the way its going I'm guessing so.
Well what am I supposed to say to that?
i don't know.
Where do we go from here?
are separate ways hopefully.
That's it, separate ways? You're so full of it.
am I?
Shut up. If I never see you again then that's fine. Get the fuck out.
you don't need to be harsh.
You stole my heart.
i'll have it back to you by Friday.
Whatever. Are we done here?
you see me leaving don't you?
That's right, get the fuck out and never come back again. Ignorant fuck.
you just can't get enough of this can you?
Enough of what?
the drama.
Oh I'm all about the drama! You want to see drama?! Drama this bitch!
*shotgun BLAWH!*****
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
today I hate my job
yesterday not so much, but today, I hate it. There is no sense of trust in that place. You wanna fire me don't setup some elaborate scheme to get me out. Just let me go with two weeks pay. I wish. I can't believe I'm still working there.
On another note. I think the end of the world is coming. No here me out. The other day, the sky was red. Sure the sun was coming up and there was a deep fog that illuminated the red flares but there's more. You know that feeling that things are closing in on you. Things keep happening closer and closer to you: from people on the news to people you know, to people that are your family. Its strange man. I need to brush up on my religion.
Other idea. Laziness pursues me. You get all excited about something. You have brilliant ideas then you get into it and laziness sits by you as you work on your computer in the afternoon. He knows you have all day to work so he asks, "So is this what you are going to do all day?"
Yourself: yeh, I got to finish this.
Lazy: Hmph. Just seems like there could be better things to do.
Yourself: Well it has to be done. If I don't do it now, I'll be tired tomorrow.
Lazy: How do you know that? Its not due tomorrow. So you have time.
Yourself: I don't think you're even listening to me.
Lazy: You're not listening to yourself. C'mon, whats on the tube?
Yourself: Nothing. You know that.
Lazy: Youtube?
Yourself: No.
Lazy: This couch is real nice to take a nap. You look like you need a nap. Lets take a nap and do this stuff later.
Yourself: Man, just leave me be.... This couch is comfortable.
Lazy: Yehhhh, you look a little cold too. Put that blanket over you.
Yourself: Its a little chilly in here. I guess I could lay down and do my work. Maybe I'll just....Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz
3 hours later
Yourself: Damn it!
Hunger: I could go for some pizza right now.
On another note. I think the end of the world is coming. No here me out. The other day, the sky was red. Sure the sun was coming up and there was a deep fog that illuminated the red flares but there's more. You know that feeling that things are closing in on you. Things keep happening closer and closer to you: from people on the news to people you know, to people that are your family. Its strange man. I need to brush up on my religion.
Other idea. Laziness pursues me. You get all excited about something. You have brilliant ideas then you get into it and laziness sits by you as you work on your computer in the afternoon. He knows you have all day to work so he asks, "So is this what you are going to do all day?"
Yourself: yeh, I got to finish this.
Lazy: Hmph. Just seems like there could be better things to do.
Yourself: Well it has to be done. If I don't do it now, I'll be tired tomorrow.
Lazy: How do you know that? Its not due tomorrow. So you have time.
Yourself: I don't think you're even listening to me.
Lazy: You're not listening to yourself. C'mon, whats on the tube?
Yourself: Nothing. You know that.
Lazy: Youtube?
Yourself: No.
Lazy: This couch is real nice to take a nap. You look like you need a nap. Lets take a nap and do this stuff later.
Yourself: Man, just leave me be.... This couch is comfortable.
Lazy: Yehhhh, you look a little cold too. Put that blanket over you.
Yourself: Its a little chilly in here. I guess I could lay down and do my work. Maybe I'll just....Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz Zzzzzzz
3 hours later
Yourself: Damn it!
Hunger: I could go for some pizza right now.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Black People Should Kill Ni$$as
Let's forget about a blackout. Lets forget about a march on Washington. Lets forget about picket signs and arguing and complaining. Lets educate. How about we get together and talk about how we spend our money. How we can change the economy to benefit us. How we can get millions of people out of credit debt. Lets do for self. The Civil Rights is over. The war is done. Lets build.
I'm not wearing black. I'm going to spend my money if I have to. I'm not walking to anywhere just to complain about shit. You know what I'm going to do. Teach my kids how to balance a check book, how to save money, how to make decisions, and how to look for resources. That's my fight. Sorry if it isn't glorious. I'm just part of a quiet storm.
And keep that dumb ni$$a T.I. in jail. I don't care. His ass knew the rules. Its all a scheme for more album sales. Oh it just so happens that his single says, "I still keep that thang." And then he goes to jail for having guns. He's just trying to get his street cred back. Sorry T.I. no sympathy here. You're bougy son. Ya bougy.
Welcome home Genarlow Wilson.
I'm not wearing black. I'm going to spend my money if I have to. I'm not walking to anywhere just to complain about shit. You know what I'm going to do. Teach my kids how to balance a check book, how to save money, how to make decisions, and how to look for resources. That's my fight. Sorry if it isn't glorious. I'm just part of a quiet storm.
And keep that dumb ni$$a T.I. in jail. I don't care. His ass knew the rules. Its all a scheme for more album sales. Oh it just so happens that his single says, "I still keep that thang." And then he goes to jail for having guns. He's just trying to get his street cred back. Sorry T.I. no sympathy here. You're bougy son. Ya bougy.
Welcome home Genarlow Wilson.
Monday, October 08, 2007
I'm a Rapper
We got players that will do for self, to do for wealth
Some things we got to do in stealth
Like that rak co-Kane flow, But not cocaine though
That Big Daddy, 18th letter of the soul
Pay respects to the legends even if they still breathing
So thanks for the lessons while you wait for new seasons
Some things we got to do in stealth
Like that rak co-Kane flow, But not cocaine though
That Big Daddy, 18th letter of the soul
Pay respects to the legends even if they still breathing
So thanks for the lessons while you wait for new seasons
Thursday, September 27, 2007
sleepless
you ever just can't sleep. Toss and turn all you want. You think you know your body, "I love to sleep on my stomach," but that doesn't work. I'll listen to some music only leads you to listening to the whole 90 minutes of the sleep button. Damn another hour awake. You go downstairs, get some tea, warm your belly, back into bed, but nothing. You yawn naturally. You think, "see I want to go to sleep. Go to sleep you stupid body." But nothing. You just sit up and think about things: old things, new things, things that haven't happened, things you expected, things that surprised you, things you wonder if they are true. You think about you long day and how a few hours ago you were passed out on the couch, made your move to bed and now you're stuck being up.
What the hell? I got a long tomorrow. Not a nervous day at all, but I have to start early so staying up all night is not a good look. Its all in my mind. I wonder if stupid people have this problem. I guess I can expect this every once in awhile. Just not tonight though. Not tonight.
What the hell? I got a long tomorrow. Not a nervous day at all, but I have to start early so staying up all night is not a good look. Its all in my mind. I wonder if stupid people have this problem. I guess I can expect this every once in awhile. Just not tonight though. Not tonight.
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