watching green grass grow

peaking over the splinters
Staring at the growth glisten in the rays.
They stand tall together
Making their unity seem everlasting.
The jealousy pains my toes.
I balance with one leg on top of the garbage lid
Its strength gives out and I fall back down to earth.
the ground feels beaten into a hard concrete
As I lean against the fence I look out to my lawn.
I sit at the end of the dirt path
I can't help but walk over and look every morning
Its such a good grass
Their dew rests gently on top of the blades
My dew seems to make muddy puddles
What's happening over this barrier that isn't happening here?
I grab my tools and crawl to the hole in the dirt
I reach into my pocket and pull out a handful of seeds
If winter comes too early this will all be in vane
Still, I've seen the possibilities
Next spring, I want to sit on my porch and watch the eyes look over the splinters
I'll cover these seeds with my bare hands
Let the sweat drip off my chin and be the first to water the earth
I pray these grounds will grow to luscious green grass.
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stress reliever

cleavage is a beautiful thing. I know I'm not suppose to talk about it. Its in appropriate and perverse to mention to a woman that her physical attribute is the only thing I want to share an emotional attachment to but I can't help it. In this struggling world the smallest joy in life is being able to see some cleavage from time to time. Its a stress reliever. It reminds you that its all worth it. That one day (if not tonight)I will have an opportunity to get up close an personal with a great pair.

And that my friends is the GREATEST joy in life.

You do the math.
5318008
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stunned and confused

when a boxer gets stunned on Fight Night Round 4 his stance becomes weak. His hands drop to his waist and he struggles to stay on his feet. Eventually his opponent will try to knock him out with one blow.

I can relate.

Not because I've ever been in fight before but because, my life hasn't turned out to be exactly how I planned. So I'm left stunned. I've realized that many people go through this feeling of weak knees and the inability to know what is coming next.

I had this epiphany when watching a talk show about off line dating. Isn't that just regular dating? How did we get to the point where we need to talk about dating that doesn't require a monthly subscription? My answer is that we are all stumbling to get back to a place where we are in control and satisfied with our progress.

I think being stunned leaves us to do desperate things. Instead of trying to regroup and block the upcoming blows, we swing aimlessly and eventually meet the canvas. Please people, don't assume you have to try everything to get you out of your situation. Just step back, realize what you did wrong, focus on the goal, and try again. If that doesn't work, hug it out.
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a terrible week for the chef

monday, survived my first tornado scare. These folks in okc think this is normal life. I don't know anywhere else where I have to stop what I'm doing and duck for cover in a ditch.

Tuesday, I broke my back helping a friend move that took all day (from 8 to 6 PM). I've discovered a new rule with that: you get 4 hrs free. $10 per hour afterward and I'm bringing my car as an escape plan. My back still hurts.

Wednesday, you know black people always late. That's why when you get invited to a dinner party, go ahead and eat in advance. Because you might end up starving to death waiting for a meal that was planned for 8PM be served at 11PM.

Today. I'm broke. What more can I say?(c) Jay-Z. I'm looking at selling some furniture at this point. no joke. I'm wiping my old computer hard drive as you read so I can sell it. I just need to cover the bills for the end of the month. But then what about next month? I heard of a website where you can do volunteer work and get your loans paid back: its sponsorchange.org
Hopefully after my back heals I can make a change.

ON DA GOOD FOOT! My girl is gaduating OU Law this Saturday. I'm so proud of her. Congrats sweet baby!

Anywho. Back to work. Signing out. Flossymae.

WHAT MORE CAN I SAAAAYYYY!
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do white people have jobs?

i swear every movie I see it seems like Caucasian Americans (from here on out they will be referred to as white people; its the most PC I got), have nothing else to do but get in suspenseful trouble or take road trips across America or sit in coffee shops talking bullspit. I seriously want to know if white people go to work. I mean I see white people at work everyday but I just think they are the unfortunate ones. How come there aren't any movies about the unfortunate ones?

If I watch a black movie (I'm sorry African-American), no forget that, BLACK movies are about going to work or selling drugs. White folk movies just seem to be about sitting around in a world where there are no bills, no high gas prices, no credit card limit. And I'm not just talking about mainstream, big studio movies (but they are included). I'm watching a lot of independent movies and documentaries that just seem to portray white people with no job. What the hell?!






Maybe its just their days off?

Top down

Do people get dressed in a certain direction? certain people seem to have a great fascination for sneakers and shoes but then they wear plain white tees or shirts that look like they got for just attending a gathering. While others have every baseball cap to match their shirts but have some plain jeans and sneakers.

I know I dress top down. I'm not that impressed by shoes. When I look at someone I notice there face and upper body before their feet. Sure of you got a nice pair of jordans on you deserve a compliment but no matter what you are walking in you can't beat the look of a nice smile.
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mr. money

the other day at work, a woman introduced herself and when asked if she had a husband or boyfriend she said, "I'm married to my money, so money is my husband."

hmm.

lately I've been on this kick to 180 my life: change my thoughts on my diet, drinking, weight, money, stress; my success in life. And unlike before, I'm willing to take this gradually. I've started exercising and instead of forcing my self to run (i love the accomplishment of running, but I'm never excited to get up and do it) I'm walking for 40 minutes. Instead of getting on quick fix diet, I'm watching my portions and cutting back on calories. I've stopped drinking (let me give you a moment for that,
I'll wait)...

i've also tasted what this success in my life will bring and that is the biggest difference. I want to be married to money too. Hopefully my coworker won't mind a little office affair. I think I'm done with the idea that I can be happy without money. Its sad in a way. It is as if I've lost my youth. I will no longer consider myself broke from now on. Instead I'm running the rat race harder until the wheel falls off.

kick it list

Write a novel
Sky dive
Ballon ride
Hang glide
Rap on stage
Make a song
Sing in a choir
Fall in love
Go cross country
Be in a bicycle gang
Coach a football team
Create a legacy
Design and build a home
Order a royale with cheese
Make a movie
Dunk a playground hoop
Get a natural high
Win a poker tournament

What's yours?
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hanging 10 on the web

i've recently cut off my cable and home telephone service in order to save some money (*correction: in order to have money to pay these bills). Now I am only armed with THE AMAZING INTERNET!

Not only is the internet ironic, its the biggest time waister of the day. Its funny when people say that the internet builds so much community when 98% of time people don't actually meet. And does anyone get any real work done while on the net? Sure I'll pay a bill here or there but then its straight to blogs and forums for news and irrelevant theories about life.

When did the internet become a necessary evil? Can't I go back to answering machines and meeting people at the local pub?

me and my tummy

I have the worst relationship with my belly. You see I've cultivated the perfect watermelon shaped carrier of bloated indulgence. I have a pot belly and I hate it.

my anger is not because of social appearance or acceptance but because it causes me physical pain. when I sit down my belt applies pressure to my stomach. This forces me to burp a lot. How disgusting. I also get uncomfortable pimples in that area that sting like hell.

I'm tired of my belly slowing me down. I need some help getting back to washboard abs and a small appetite. Can some one help?
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moving on

so I guess I don't have time to write anymore. Its a shame. I've had a lot of interesting thoughts and ideas lately but I since I work 14 hours a day, I can't seem to remember what they are. But here is an update of how life has been.

1. I brought the lovely lady home to the folks. It was a big deal. How do I know? Because moms brought out the appetizers, the good china, and dessert. These three things I don't think I've seen brought out in my house more than 3 or 4 times in my life. It was interesting, nerve racking, and shocking all at once. The most important thing that I've learned from the experience is that I don't consider home to be home anymore. I had a strange feeling when I was there and half the time I wished I was back in the Okie Doke. When I made it back to okc everything seemed so familiar. I guess I'm moving on. Meanwhile there are some folks back east that feel that I abandoned them. I have no idea how to deal with that.

2. The trip back home made me think I need therapy. Like most people, the thought that you need therapy is scary because you get put in this special category of crazy. Now I know I'm already a bit crazy, but its in a normal weird way. To be clinically categorized as crazy is one step away from being a hobo on the street. The most messed up part about it is, the people that I feel care about me the most think I need therapy. Great. I might as well start making my sign of cardboard and homelessness. But guess what... fu_k 'em! I over everything that plagues me about my childhood and current relationship with family. I got things to do in order to make it and I will not let them take up my time.

3. Business is booming. I've tripled my clientele since last quarter. Really I went from one to three clients but its progress. And I have an event to market at in the end of April. I'm even more nervous but this time in a good way. This is really pushing me to complete a lot of things and not be so picky about how I design and the decisions I make. I've wasted a lot of time trying to prepare but now its game time. So its ready or not.

4. I'm ready to sell my first home but all I keep hearing is the economy is so bad. Yeah I know the economy is bad but I can't handle this mess that is in Atlanta anymore. Plus life is getting good in OK that I'm ready to move on and cut my ties with the dirty dirty. I know I got a lot of competition with foreclosed homes and HUD house that are selling like hot cakes but I'm hoping there is someone looking to begin the American dream and own a proper home at a decent price. I can't imagine that everyone is only willing to buy broken down homes in Atlanta.

That's all I can think of right now. The rest is mostly the same: bills, work, bills, broke, a girl that makes me smile. There's not much more than that.

Its happening again

I'm playing boss. My manager has decided to let me fill in for my assistant manager whenever he is out. I've gone from sitting in my little cubicle and doing my thing to get through the day to answering everybodys questions and pretending to be social.
She picks me because I'm the best on the team and I expressed that one day I want to be a manager. So that sounds good right? Wrong! I've been down this road before. They let you play boss and as soon as you mess up your bossly duties you're out of there. Plus they don't pay you any more for playing boss so they do their best to keep you in the same spot. Meanwhile all your other coworkers come to you non stop with question you shouldn't be handling.
So what should I do now? I don't want the same mess to happen like last time.
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And why not?

The Bible. A living document. Why not include recent history? Is not Martin Luther The King Jr worthy of a mention in the great book? Is not Ghandi an inspirational story to be share with millions? Are including any of their stories go against the religions that use the bible?

I wonder what is stopping this from happening? I'm sure I'm not to think of it. Is it racial? Is it sacrilegious?

I think one issue may be that this would begin to form an idea of a world bible. And that is just impossible. With all the hatred and arrogance AND ignorance, all the religious factions will never be able to come together and include everyone's take on spirituality. Why can't we all just get along?
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Suckers need to gonna inspire

MOTIVATION. Now you know I don't like to start my blogs with all caps but this is sort of a reminder. I need some motivation. I need to go back to place, th feeling I had when I was in high school creating my model that won third place in the nationals. Yeah that's deep.
Lately I've felt a sense of stagnant inability. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I'm more scared of doing something wrong so I don't do anything at all. Which is stupid.
This is a journey of the mind. And I'm on the breakdown lane. SOS.
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oh my its 2010!

its the new year already. My bad, I've forgotten about letting ya'll know what's going on. So here is the wrap up of 2009: I got fired from my job, I accepted who I am, I fell in love, I traveled, I moved, I got a j.o.b., and I fell deeply in love.

All in all it was a weird year. Very weird. Very new. Taking risks that I wasn't expecting but everything is turning alright (well not everything but when is it ever everything). The best moments in '09 involved substances of the natural matter. The scariest moments involved the same substances. The best vacation was in NC chilling with a life time friend for a week (it gave me the strength to make moves I needed to make). The best party was back home with my friend who finally graduated from college. He ended up in his pool in the backyard and that is when the party shut down. Good times. Biggest regret was taking my brother to court. Greatest accomplishment was starting the ground work for a business idea.

I think this year will be interesting again. I'm still going to make changes in my life. I'm trying not to stress about it. I'm starting to boil down what career I can do. It may not be what I want to do but that is why side hustles are for. I need to sell my condo, buy a new car, move out of my apartment, and purchase the most expensive gift of my life. I feel like that is a lot. I figure I just work on one thing at a time. Take it step by step. Day by day.

the best relationship advice

i've been slowly trying to figure out what this relationship thing is supposed to be about. I feel a lot of times that I am compromising for the other person because I'm in loving and I'm willing to do anything to stay that way. But after this advice I read of okayplayer.com, I think I've been in the wrong.

Here's the advice: (link)

"If your his girl friend.......be his girlfriend.....STOP being a wife to a man that aint married you...."

You see at sometimes I feel my girl is holding back on things like cooking, being there when I get home from work, buying me stuff, etc. But after this advice, I understand now. She says all the time that she knows if we were to get married she'd be doing those things all the time but I didn't want to believe her. Now I'm assuming she's taking this theory to heart, which makes a lot of sense. I feel stupid for not recognizing it. I should be doing the same thing. I am not her husband, therefore I should not have to worry about so many things like her bills, her car, etc.

So a new question arises. What's my purpose as a boyfriend?

I think I have an idea.

For cheat's sake

who should let go of the dream first ? Men or women ? I'm speaking of the dream that there is a relationship that does not have to worry about cheating. I, of course think that its a woman's dream. Believing that any man doesn't at least think about sticking his Johnson in another Mary Sue is foolish. But on the same note, no man should be surprised that women are involved in extra hanky Panky yet we usually are.
So my question again is why do we continue to believe in the idea that cheating shouldn't happen? Are we wrapped around our egos so much that we believe no one should want anyone else? Or is there a fear that if we accept cheating as a natural human behavior we will become a society full of unfathered babies.
BUT WE ALREADY ARE!
We need to stop focusing on the cheating aspect and we need to start teaching people what sex is all about. Pleasure. And massive reproduction.
So next time you get into a relationship just assume your mate is cheating. Matter of fact: pick out the girl he should cheat with. See if has the balls to do it. You might be surprised that he won't ever cheat on you.

Naw! I'm playing. Keep dreaming folks.
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every once in awhile I get to wondering what is this really all about. Then I smack myself awake and hold onto the wheel because I'm driving on the highway and I'm pretty sure the driver next to me doesn't want to exchange insurance papers today. He's probably on the way to his mistress house and would have a hard time explaining to his wife why he was on the north side of town in an accident. Anyways, as I change lanes to an empty spot in front of the stop light only to be first to speed closer to a job I dread, I see the hundred or so birds perched on street lights and telephone polls. Its like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock. They all seem to be devising a plan, a grand plan to lay down a wall of bird poop as the first set of cars drive under them. The only problem is that birds are dumb as f_ck! They can't count so they can never set a time to release the sh!t storm. If this life was really about something, something worth wild, then all of our stories should come true. The aliens should rip through time and space while the earth quakes and opens a deep hole to hell as tsunami waves come crashing down upon it; releasing a fog that seeps into our lungs and turns many to zombies then blocks out the sun and causes an ice age of mass proportions. All of this in just one day. And then there would only be a few of us, survivors; if you want to call us that. We aren't just trying to survive. We're saving the world.

But that's only if this life means anything. Right now, it's just about getting out of this beaten down car I have to hold on to and walk into this dark and bleak building to do a job. A job that was only created for me to obtain more bills and work overtime to get paid a few more cents so that I can pay bills that never seem to end. Its a cycle of bullsh!t

Thank God I'm a writer.

da ghetto pass aka the black card

i've been intrigued lately with down to the bones white people who get a ghetto pass. You know who I'm talking about. If we were boarding a ship back to Africa to save our black asses from some impending doom, people like Robin Thicke and Bill Clinton would get a pass to the front and leave Maya Angelou behind. What's the qualifications for this pass?

I think this is a serious discussion that needs to be had at our next black forum. We have to have standards here so that we don't get confused and have another vanilla ice on our hands. And for those of you who think that this is all racist and that we should embrace everyone, I call bullspit. Because the majority of black people I know (and I don't just mean the dudes back home) only like black culture; there's no rock 'n roll in their playlists. All I'm saying lets come to a decision to how we accept people of the opposite color in the general black public before we make a big mistake.


PS. I want to see a movie about racism now. What if there was no Emancipation? What if we were still fighting for Civil Rights? How would that look now with all this technology and economical decline? What other laws would be in place? Could there be possibly another Civil War?

I think it would make for an interesting movie? Let's try something different.

make money doing nothing

is just saw this ad on my own blog page and that is exactly the career I want. And I'm not too far from it. I have three book ideas in the works that I know if I can just finish them, I'll be able to one day sit around and collect checks from a best seller.

See I don't want to enjoy doing work so it seem like I'm not working at all. I want to not work at all and enjoy it. There are plenty of people in my life that may read this and be disappointed. Some may say I have too much potential and I'm wasting my career opportunities. I understand all that and there is no excuse. Just pray that I can complete these novels and then my dreams will come true.